Mid-Life Crisis, Stressors or whatever name you call it....

Fifteen years had gone by since their wedding and Kaya felt worthless. Despite balancing a full day job and doing all the household work, she felt that her husband and children did not appreciate the grind she was going through every day. The chores just didn't seem to let up. If she didn't do few things at home, they never seemed to get done. What were all the others doing at home?

It was around this time that she met someone in office who was willing to listen to her and talk to her about her true worth. Rithvik discussed various things with her openly - whether it was life, office politics, decisions at work, etc. He seemed to value her judgement. He saw her as more than just an employee or colleague. But, what she did not know was that he himself was not in great shape with his personal life. He felt that his wife was a nag. How much ever he had achieved at office, she just seemed to be comparing him to his boss and feeling unhappy. Her constant bickering seemed to get to him. So, despite him loving his kids, he preferred to be on travel or go out for office engagements in the evenings. His kids hardly saw him and, therefore, felt he was not a family man. They felt that their mother was sacrificing too much.

It started with small reasons for Kaya and Rithvik to meet up or call or have something to discuss. It would invariably start off as an office topic and then quickly move on to other things. As this became more often, their intimacy grew. They reached a stage where they were not sure if they wanted to leave their families and start off a new life between themselves.  The pressure of giving up kids was taking its toll. Kaya's husband somehow sensed that his wife was not normal. He tried talking to her about it and after a very long struggle she had a conversation with him. Yes, it was all about him and children not appreciating her and the hard work that she put in. They decided to visit a psychiatrist. He was known to be a healer and talked of healing at the soul level.

The psychiatrist spoke to Kaya, her husband and the children. He talked of looking at each other not at their physical level but at the soul level. He said that if love is about giving and not just receiving, then she should not be worried about the family doing nothing for her. This struck the right chord in Kaya - Love is about giving. And true love does not get tired of giving. But, whilst the words meant a lot to her, she did not know how to implement it in real life.

Kaya decided that this was a chance that God was giving to her. So, as per what the psychiatrist said, she started logging down all the work she did and also how she felt while doing that. It was a painful task. Apart from doing all the chores, she now had to maintain a log. The log was initially not very descriptive. But, as few weeks went by, she started detailing out how she felt. The logging down of her anger, resentment and bitterness actually went a long way in reducing these. The logging down also meant spending lesser and lesser time on the phone and slowly but painfully weaning away from Rithvik.

Few months went by and the psychiatrist asked her to read her log out to her family. Kaya's husband and children broke down when they heard her read out her feelings. They felt terrible that they were not participating in the life of their loved one and now started appreciating her feelings and what she was going through. Things were beginning to get better.

Rithvik, on the other hand, was struggling. He neither could get out of the thoughts of Kaya nor could he live at peace with his wife. He tried talking to her to tell her to be happy with what they had instead of aspiring to get something else or be someone else. He said that they should visit a psychiatrist. But, his wife refused. So, he went to the same psychiatrist as Kaya and the process of healing started. But, this time, it had to do with how he should approach his wife and children.

Years had gone by and things had settled down in both families but Rithvik's wife could not forgive him for having strayed away from her even though she now understood that she was the reason to a large extent. Kaya's husband was having the same struggle.

This story is real and I am sure many will be able to resonate with this. It need not be another partner who came in to our lives...it could be someone or something else. Maybe a Guru or a Friend or a Child or a Cause. And that person/thing seems to take centre stage in our lives. You could possibly be just a spectator as you saw it unfold in someone else's life. We call this the mid-life crisis and some call it mid-life stressors.  Things that stress us tremendously and, many a time, beyond repair. What we need to notice here, according to Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev of Isha Foundation, are - Human relationships are variable and not an absolute. Secondly, they cannot be built on what we expect someone else to be or do. They will be or do what they want and not what you want. Thirdly, your life is a whole in itself. Somehow, we bring in others and imagine that our life is not full without them. Sadhguru asks, "When you are on your death bed, please ask your partner to come along with you because you are frightened to be alone." He continues that you will wish that you had guessed the answer long ago and led your life on your terms.

The spiritual way of viewing this would be to look at and understand that each of us is a soul - not the body or the mind. This is deep philosophy and we struggle to come to terms with this because we see our bodies and experience our minds. We neither see nor experience our soul. We don't even know if it exists let alone trying to figure out what is the learning that it wants that it took this body and mind. But, never mind all these. Just experience the difference in how it will make you feel if you consider that all of this is happening because we are a soul and these issues that we are facing are for a learning purpose. The minute we do that, all lines that separate us as physical beings blur. We are able to send out positive energy signals out to everyone. This includes our family members. Even to all those family members who we think have wronged us. Over a period of time, the healing happens from within - first in ourselves and then in relation to the others. We forget the anger. We sometimes don't even know why we were angry and with whom. We realize that the anger was more on ourselves than on the other person. Our understanding leads us to realize that we are accountable for our thoughts and our emotions.

“Each person has to face this challenge – you must search inside yourself. The props – surroundings, interactions, rituals, customs and superstitions – are just palliatives. You have to achieve your balance on your own; it has to come from the self. Once you get there, you can afford the luxury of lavishing your life with the pleasures of your drifting journey.” ― Andre Averbug, The Drifting Self: a novella

If we cannot forgive ourselves and heal from within, there is no question of forgiving others. Once we heal from within, there is no need to forgive anyone else as we take full accountability for our thoughts and emotions.

The Path that your Child wants to Take...

When I saw my daughter as an extension, I had only instructions. When I saw her as an individual, we had conversations.

Parents always want the best for their children. So, there is no question of doubting their intent. But, many a time, enthusiasm gets the better of reason. So, as parents, we end up doing things that are not in the best interest of our children. Because I did not make it to the top Engineering College, I now want my child to make it there to study Engineering when s/he may not even be interested in a career in Science.

I must say that my dad gave all his children the option to study what we wanted. He just spoke to us on the importance of education and why it is better to get in to some of the better known colleges.  I never felt he was disappointed because I did not take the profession that he had. Not sure what would have happened if I had told him I want to be a footballer though.

The trouble starts when the parent sees that the child wants to take a profession that s/he feels will not make the child successful in life. And, of course, success is measured in terms of how much money s/he can make.

In India, many parents feel that if you study to become a doctor, engineer, chartered accountant, lawyer and few other such professions, you are fine. Else, the problem starts. I have met parents who are ashamed to say that their child is a singer, dancer, pot maker, farmer, security guard, courier delivery boy, plumber, driver, electrician, etc. Yet, over 90% of the people are not professionally qualified. They are happy with a degree or something lower and go about their lives. Yes, they may not make all the money, but they can live decently and with heads held high.

Don’t get me wrong. This article is not another one bashing money. In this world and age, there is a need for money as it gets you the things that you need for a comfortable living and also a feeling of security. It helps you pay for your child’s education. And based on where we live, different professions pay you different amounts of money. Such is life. However, we are born with certain intelligences. If we choose a profession that plays to our intelligence (or strength), we enjoy the work that we do. Does not mean we cannot choose another profession. But, we may not enjoy it as much. How many engineers or doctors became so out of their choice?

I was talking to a driver and he told me how he is finding it difficult to get married because not many wanted a husband who is a driver. I asked him as to what the problem was. He told me that it is not the amount of money that he makes. Educated girls (possibly degree holders) found it below their dignity to marry a driver. Most time, drivers are school drop outs in India. These girls do not want to marry an uneducated man. Added to that is the fact that they make lesser money. The fact that he is a very nice human being making a decent living is often overlooked. This holds equally good for women in low paid professions. There seems to be no premium for being a nice human being!!!

Money, social status, social acceptance, living comforts and such other external factors become the primary drivers for selection of a profession and not one that plays to the natural inclinations and strengths of the individual.

So, what happens when we are faced with this situation? Not an easy decision. But, if we remember the first sentence of this post that our children are not our extensions, it will go a long way in clearing our thoughts. It would be good to talk through all the options that the child has, her/his natural strengths and, therefore, what professions will be suitable. It would be good to get the child assessed for potential careers and let her/him choose one finally.

I got a call from a friend one day and he told me how his son wanted to play cricket and choose that as his career rather than continue studying beyond 12th Grade. He had spoken to his son few times but it had not worked. His son felt that if he made it to the top few in the Association that he played for, he stood a good chance to make it to the Indian Premier League (IPL) and that meant he was making enough money to manage. He wanted me to advice his son.

I had a meeting with his son and told him the various options he had in marketing, in cricket and in business management. I talked through the pros and cons of each of the options and what he had to do to make himself successful in all these options. I also made him articulate what are the risks related to each of these options. This got him thinking. Once he was clear he made his choice. I believe that this is a better way and it has worked for me quite a few times. Talk through the different options with your child, give time for things to sink in. Talk on working to an individual’s strengths and making a living versus doing something to make money and then spending some time on your real passion. Talk on the pros and cons…leave the decision to the child. These are decisions that the individual has to take by herself/himself. But, this is so tough when it comes to your child. If s/he wants to be security guard (and please don't mistake me as someone who thinks that the profession of a guard is below one’s dignity) and you believe that s/he could have made an amazing neuro surgeon making tons of money, the struggle is very high. However difficult, it is best for the child to make that decision.

I stood at the airport and waved goodbye to my daughter, as she started off a new path in her life. I felt a part of me was being ripped out. I felt choked as tears welled up in my eyes. It took me back 31 years – I saw myself comforting my dad. He had dropped me off at the airport. I was about to start a new life in a foreign land. I saw him choke up and did not understand it fully. Today, as I stood at the airport, I could hear him talking to me from the Heavens, “Son, this is exactly how I felt 31 years ago.” Yes, children are not our extensions, but somehow, life seems to intertwine us inextricably to them and as the bird prepares to fly out, we just struggle. That is love and life. Each one of us has a path and we must decide on that.

I will end with a quote from an unknown that I came across in family.com “Our challenge as parents and our privilege are to love the unfolding reality of our child, stage by stage and layer by layer.”

Taking Accountability for your emotional state....

As he strode purposefully in to office his colleagues looked at him and someone said, "He is aggressive in the workplace. He is able to push things through and make things happen. The only issue I see is his temper." He heard the comment of his colleague and turned around and said, "I am aggressive and yes, I have a bad temper. All these come as a package called me. I am, and therefore, I will be aggressive and bad tempered."

I was thinking of this statement. Just analyse the difference between "I am diabetic" and "I have diabetes". The first one gives out the state of mind that we recognize that we are diabetic and will remain so for the rest of our lives. The second one talks of us having diabetes but that is something that we can cure with certain precautions. That is the difference. Let us now put this in a different perspective - "I am angry" and "I have created anger in me". There is a huge difference in this. The first one says anger is a part of me and I will be like this and will not change. Pretty much like the leader who says that he comes as a package. The second sentence makes me take accountability for the anger in me. It was I who created that anger in me. So, if I can create it, I can also get rid of it.

People who are willing to change - be that their nature or their habits - are generally those who take more accountability for their actions.The use of appropriate words such as "I create anger in me" also creates within ourselves a sense of being accountable for our actions, deeds and thoughts. It is practising these words regularly that will create the difference over a period of time.

Just imagine if we can teach ourselves and our teams (at work) and our families and friends this concept. The more we start seeing ourselves as the creator of our emotions, the more stable we will become. We will not play victim. We will not justify our poor behaviour. We will take accountability for our emotional state and also the actions that follow from those states.

At the end of the day, we are sending out signals because of our emotional state. When we are in a positive frame of mind, we send out positive vibrations. The energy signals that we send out are positive. If we are negative, the energy signals that we send out are negative. As in many things in life, what we give is what we receive. A smile gets you back a smile. A frown gets back to you as a frown. Positive energy sent will mean positive energy is received.

So, what is this energy? I would say that anything that can invoke a reaction inside you. Take music for instance. It can trigger off amazing reactions inside us - either one of meditating on music, one of dancing to the tune or one of humming along enjoying the tune. Music, to me, is one of the best forms of energy.

A lot of time, we react to situations. Those situations and our reactions become the energy. If we are able to remain calm and consciously observe how our reactions happen in a day, we would be in better control of the situations that arise. This is easier said than done. I have been practising this for years to very little success. I used to react to every situation in a positive or negative way depending on the situation. Once I started observing my reactions, the negative reactions started coming down. However, despite the years having gone by, it is still not at the level that it should be. I can say that I am getting there, but there is clearly a long way to go. However, becoming aware of my emotional state has got me to react with more equanimity. This, in a way, is taking accountability for your reactions.

I am sure many of you will be able to relate to this story. I waited at the office for one of my colleagues to present to me the status on a project. As he came in, I felt that his body language was not great. The presentation got underway and the project was not going according to plan. On the contrary, it was heading towards becoming a disaster. He was one of my best performers but in this project, it appeared to me that he had taken his eye off the ball and was failing. This was a high profile project and we could not let it fail. So, as I worked through the details, it became apparent, that we had missed some critical aspects in the beginning and some of our assumptions were not correct. We had to make course corrections and it was immediate. After getting the course corrections done, I told him, "Looks like you have let me down on this one. Clearly, you have too much on your plate. I am moving this project to someone else." 

When I reflect on that day, I believe I should have been more careful in the choice of words. When we are disappointed or lose trust, it is what we feel or believe. It is not necessarily what the other person in whom we have lost trust believes. The concept of losing trust itself is a view point and one that is internal to us. If we look deeper, it is actually our disappointment with ourselves. We decide to trust that someone will do or not do something. If that person does not act in the way we want her/him to do, we end up getting disappointed and express it as losing trust. Why should someone act or behave in a way that we want them to do? 

If I had this clarity earlier, I would have had a different conversation with my colleague. Also, the fact that I told him that he let me down, showed that internally, I was not willing to take accountability for the project not going well. It is different that I went to my manager and told him that things were not going well on this project and that I will have it on track within the next 2 weeks and that I take accountability. But, deep down inside me, I had not really taken accountability.

This kind of behaviour is what creates stress in all of us. We say things to others that are not in consonance with what we are or how we feel. The minute we start aligning all these and become aware of changes to how we feel during the course of the day, we end up taking more accountability for our words, thoughts and actions.

I will end this blog with two lovely quotes - “You may believe that you are responsible for what you do, but not for what you think. The truth is that you are responsible for what you think, because it is only at this level that you can exercise choice. What you do comes from what you think." ― Marianne Williamson

“As for the journey of life; at some point you will realize that YOU are the driver and you will drive!” ― Steve Maraboli

Losing the Self

My friend was rushing to the hospital. His brother had called him to say that their dad had passed away and that the ward boys in the Government Hospital were asking for the body to be taken out immediately. As he reached the hospital almost an hour later, he went to the mortuary and his dad's body was placed outside on the ground and the hospital clothing on his body had moved due to the wind and his body lay exposed. My friend told me later, "His body lay there unattended. I turned around and could see the huge office compound opposite the mortuary. Those were the very corridors that he had walked like a king when he worked there. He was the absolute authority there. And, today, he lay here unattended." His face had a sad smile when he remembered the scene and he said, "I am not sure of our identity. Who are we? One minute we are striding the corridors of power and in the next we are gone and lying unattended outside a government hospital's mortuary not even covered properly. This is the irony of life."

We play many roles - child, sibling, parent, spouse, friend, employee, manager, leader, customer, supplier, etc. And, in a day, we play so many of them and some simultaneously. Most of the times, we are not ourselves. We are the roles that we play.

We make so many decisions that are for the good of others. Not ourselves. Some for our children, some for our spouses, some for our parents, some for our friends and colleagues and some for ourselves. If you look back and take stock, there will less of decisions that were for ourselves and more for others. And, still, people call us selfish!!! This is true for most of us in lives. How many of us have not taken a role that was a promotion because we would have had to move and that would have caused a disruption in schooling of kids or the jobs of our spouse, etc.? How many of us have given up a job because we wanted to focus on our children as they grew up? How many of us cannot recognize the face that we see daily in the mirror? How many of us have heard our friends say, "Are you the same friend I had in college? You were such a firebrand and my role model. What has happened to you now?" How many of us have lost the idealism that fired us up every morning when we attended college or the first few years at work?

I had conducted a workshop in India with ageing parents and they complained bitterly on how their children were asking them to move out of their home town or the place they lived because they were either getting transferred or moving jobs. Most of them opined that for few extra rupees their children were uprooting everything and moving away. An hour in to the conversation, I asked them as to how many of them had transferable jobs, had moved jobs, had left their home towns, lived away from their parents, etc. Over 80% of them had. I asked them then why were they now asking their children to give up opportunities in their careers just because they (the parents) did not want to move? I asked them as to why they were not moving in to old age homes with full facilities (as these are now available in India) instead of complaining? Neither did they want to move to an old age home (somehow it is seen as a taboo in India - that their children have abandoned them) nor did they want to move out of the places they lived in currently. I asked them if they were not being selfish and not letting their children live their lives the way they (their children) wanted.

Given all these pulls and pushes, we try and find ways and means to satisfy as many and in the process, lose the self in us. Many a time, we are unhappy with the way life is because, for example, we gave up our job/career for our child. There is nothing wrong in doing all this, but it cannot come at the cost of our happiness. If we decide to find happiness in our decisions, then, nothing seems right or wrong. It is only right or wrong for that individual and that too at that point in time.

So, what should we do to not lose the self in all this and yet be someone who is not selfish? It comes down to ensuring that we have time to ourselves every day for reflection, relaxation, exercising, indulgence, etc. It comes down to respecting our own feelings and having open and honest conversations about them with our family and friends. It comes down to taking difficult decisions on various aspects of life that may not be what some in your family want. Easier said than done is what most of you reading this post must be thinking. I will share with you as to what has worked for me. It is discipline, confidence and honesty. We need to set apart time for some exercising, reflections of the previous day or what you want to get done today, sipping a cup of lemon tea,...preferably, all of them!!! What has also worked is having those honest conversations. Even if things have not gone my way all the time, it has always worked out where conversations have been honest and reconciliations are done. It is  essential that we do not lose confidence in ourselves in the process.

Honest conversations are essential. If we do not do this, we do ourselves and the people with us (family and friends) a huge disservice. It is such conversations (though extremely difficult at times because of emotions involved) that will help us from losing ourselves and others around us. If we cannot be true to ourselves and our family, who else can we be true to? At such difficult situations, I have found it better to tear away the mask that I wear and be honest and open.

Such is life. Many a time, we need to search hard to find ourselves. “There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.” ― Nelson Mandela

Leaders take risks

My Chief Operations Officer (COO) walked in to my office one day and said, "We have a situation. There seems to be a systematic credit card fraud possibly happening with small amounts being drawn daily. We are not sure yet and need to investigate. However, we need to stop possible losses and so need to stop certain types of transactions with immediate effect."  Sounds familiar to you? As a Leader you are in a situation where you need to take a decision but do not have all the information to do that. You could take a decision that could adversely impact business and guess what, it could be a wrong decision. 

This is what leaders face everyday. They need to decide without all information or data on hand. This is a risk. Not taking a decision is, in itself, a decision and, therefore, does not reduce the risk.

Many a time, we take decisions that go wrong. We end up facing the consequences and over years we start becoming risk averse. While organizations keep telling us that a vital ingredient of leadership is the ability to take risks, there is very little tolerance for errors in judgement. So, leaders become risk averse over time and some even reach a stage where they just don't take risks. This puts them, the organization and the employees at a greater risk because normal decisions that should have been taken, just don't get taken.

The previous Indian Government is a classic example. Stung by criticisms and asks for resignation due to so many scams that erupted, the government machinery just came to a grinding halt. During the last 3 years, absolutely no decision was taken. The ruling party got hit so badly that as they started campaigning during election time, we saw the same defensiveness and inability to take even calculated risks. The result was that they lost very badly.

I was staring at the new contract that we had signed up for a back office operation. It was a marquee account but if we didn't change our operating model, we were not going to make money out of it. I had called for a meeting of key leaders and we looked at the contract and worked on different options. What came out clearly was that we had to look at a totally different operating model for this account. A model that we had not tried before and were not sure will deliver what we wanted. Given the unknowns, we were also worried whether the quality of service delivery will be as good as what it was. So, the risk was one of damaging a great reputation that we had built over the years. As I thought through the pros and cons, it became increasingly evident that if we ever needed to make a profit out of this contract, we needed to change the model and we could take a calculated risk. So, I spoke to my operations manager, HR and my immediate manager. I told them that I was willing to go ahead with adopting a new model given that was the best for the organization at that point in time. I pushed on and we went through with changing our operating model. It became a huge success and became the model for some of our other contracts too. It was not an easy decision and making it happen also was not easy. However, with team work, we managed to pull through successfully with the model.

Sometimes, our decisions go well and sometimes they just backfire. If we are able to get 80% of our decisions right and limit the damage on the other 20%, we come through as successful leaders. No leader has reached a position of leadership and stayed there without taking risks. It is how the leader continues to take those risks and take decisions in the best interest of the organization that matters. Most importantly, leaders must be able to live down their errors of judgement and move on. If they are stuck at a wrong decision, life comes to a standstill and does not do good to anyone, especially, the leader.

So, let us be that leader that takes risks understanding fully well that there are consequences to wrong decisions. Not taking a decision is also a decision and carries with it far more risks!!!

Aham Brahmaasmi - The Creator is the Destroyer

A blog that I published earlier on Linked In

The manager spoke and the team listened with rapt attention. She was a fantastic orator. She conveyed what she had to in few words and most of the time it hit home. They all knew that the organization held her in high esteem as they did too.

It was late evening but he was still at work. His manager had told him to stay back as she wanted to meet him after her team meeting. He knew it would be late in the evening before she came back from the meeting. But, something in her voice made him realize that it would be a career limiting move if he asked to re-schedule the meeting. So, he waited patiently.

He had started his career with the company twenty two years ago. He had enjoyed his stint here till this new manager came in to his life a year back. Over the years he had learnt to navigate the company well, survive the various changes and manage to turn in a decent performance year after year. His teams had liked his approach to work. He was an expert in his field. There was none within his organization who knew the job as well as he did.

This expertise was gained over years of reading and working in the field. He knew very little else apart from this field. He liked the work and the field of expertise. However, very few companies needed a skill like what he had. So, to a large extent he had limited career choices. Given that, he had carefully avoided passing on all knowledge to his team members. He had set up the team in a way where no single person would get the entire knowledge. He did not rotate roles in a hurry. So, many people had quietly moved on from their roles and did not want to work in the team.

This new manager of his had latched on to this. She was pushing him to cross train his team. She was pushing him to create few successors. The opening of the door brought him back from his thoughts as she walked in. She quickly greeted him, sat down and took few gulps of water. She was looking a bit tired but quickly got in to the groove. “What’s happened to our previous discussion? I had asked you to create few successors.” He responded stating that he was doing so but given the complexity of the job, the technical nature of the role and the relative inexperience of his team, it would take some more time. “How much more time?” she asked. He hesitatingly said that it would take few years. She lost it and screamed, “Do you know that you have now become a blocker for your team members? Top talent do not want to work for you because they do not see a career path. You have not grown for years now and seem to be contented with it. This has become a problem for the organization. I will give you six more months and if I don’t see a successor I have decided to bite the bullet and replace you.”

Many a time we create situations like this in our lives. Knowingly or unknowingly, we become blockers in the organization. We don’t re-skill ourselves so that we can stay relevant. We refuse to see the shifting sands. As a good leader or manager, your job is to de-risk the organization and ensure that you stay relevant.

He felt as if the earth under him was moving. He just could not imagine a life where he did not have a job. He needed a job to keep the kitchen fires burning. He was in a state of panic. Coming from a manager who had the support of the senior leaders in the organization, he knew that he didn’t stand much of a chance trying to argue. He looked at her once again and she looked like an angry Indian Goddess with various arms and with a weapon in each one. She was ready to kill. She could determine his life. His survival strategy by not creating his successor and specializing in only one area (at the cost of the organization) was working against him now. Suddenly, she had become the creator “Brahma” and as she continued speaking all he heard was, “Aham Brahmaasmi” (Translated as I am the Brahman or I am God - The Creator is also the Destroyer – The God who determines your life).

A Positive Attitude is all that you need….

He jet set the world working for the Government and bringing about changes to the country during the 1960s. He then moved to the corporate sector and did the same during the 1970s till the 1990s. He was one of the busiest and active persons that I had met in my life. By early 2000s his wife was diagnosed with dementia and she started forgetting incidents and people in her life. He stopped everything and was fully focused on his wife. As age caught up, he was not able to drive around in the Indian Traffic and so decided to move to an old age home in the outskirts of another city. The new place had a nice house he could stay in with his wife and a caretaker. The Old Age Home had catering facilities and medical facilities. All these were needed for him so that he could focus his time on his wife. He is in his late 80s and married for 60+ years. His wife is close to 80 years.

I visited him few months back. I expected that I would see someone a bit depressed given his illustrious past. Out came a “young man” dressed in a colourful t-shirt and shorts and carrying a tablet phone. He wished me and was actually in great cheer. He told me how happy he was to see my wife and me. He then took me to see his wife. She was bed ridden. He would sit by her most of the day. As we got talking, he asked how everyone was at home and he remembered everyone by name.

Then I got to know how he spent his day. He had a detailed diary of what he wanted to get achieved for the day and how he went about it. It was completely focused on what he wanted to get done for his wife. He talked of how he had tried to make her walk. He would go one day at a time. For example, today would be for her to take 5 steps forward. He would encourage her to take that step and go for those 5 steps – step by step. And he had written that down. Every aspect of what he did was documented – her weight, blood pressure, pulse, etc. In short, he was totally immersed in her progress and was actively participating in it.

I did not see a bit of fatigue in him. When I asked why, he said, “Why would I feel tired when I do something that I love and for someone who I love so much?” This love had created a positive attitude in him. That kept him going and with such a cheer that I had not seen or experienced in my life.

Many a time we wonder why are we doing whatever we are doing? Our jobs do not satisfy us. The environment is not what we want. We have differences of opinion with our boss and wonder who made her/him a boss in the first place!!!! All this is a manifestation of how we are reacting to a given situation. We are happy or sad not because a situation has made us happy or sad but because we have decided to take it that way. If we decide to have a positive attitude, then, any situation can be handled. We need to have that confidence in ourselves. We don’t need to search for happiness outside…it is very much inside each one of us and depends completely on the positive attitude that we have towards life. Happiness is a choice!!!