Life in Rewind or Fast Forward Mode

Many a time we would like to re-wind life and hope that something that happened did not. It could be that bad meeting that you had with a colleague of yours or an email that you shot off in frustration or a huge life changing event that has hit you. If only we could hit the rewind button, life would be so different.

 

At times we wonder why things are moving so slow in life. We are bored and want more action. Or it could be that elusive promotion at work. The action is missing and you wish that you could hit the fast forward button.

 

Ever thought of living in the present? The now and here? Somehow, we don't do this though that is what reality is. We need to learn to live in the present. What is now and here is real. All others have already happened or yet to happen. There is nothing much you can do about them. You don't control both. So, why focus on something that you don't control and just use the past as your learning points? Why don't we just grab the current moment that we are living in with both hands and make the best of it?

 

So, does this mean I am telling you not to plan for your future? No, not at all. Planning for the future is essential so that you de-risk it to some extent. But, believe me, you can do it only to some extent. So, give it all the importance and time that it needs. However, don't forget to live in the present. A great example would be to save for a child's education and planning for that. Another would be setting aside money for retirement, etc. All this needs you to work harder and put in those extra hours of effort. In pursuit of all this, will you then stop "living" with your family? Will you be so focused on the future that you forget that your family is right here next to you and wants your attention and time? This is what happens to most of us and then we complain about work-life balance. How work is so merciless that we need to sacrifice life for it. My dad said, "Work hard, plan well and play hard." I would see him come after a real tiring day at the factory and still have energy to play some cricket or ring-ball with us. He would spend time in the evening for a game of cards or carom.  He was with us in mind, body and spirit. How many of us can say honestly that we do this today?

 

We let our ambition, our need to excel and our worry of the tomorrow just steal the present away from us. It is necessary to be ambitious. It is essential to excel in whatever we do. Otherwise, there is no pride in the work that we do. It is necessary to plan for tomorrow. But, let it not take away the need to enjoy the moment today.

 

I am reminded of a dear friend of mine. She lost her husband in a split second to a massive heart attack. He was here now and she had told him that she would get him dinner as he was on the phone. By the time she came back in few minutes with dinner, he was dead. Over the last one year, I have seen her go through pain as she remembers all the good times that they had together. He is not there anymore to share her joys, her sadness, her anger, her pain. She just feels lonely. There were times that both of them fought on things. All those seem so trivial now. She told me that so many things that were really important to her have lost significance without her husband. She really wishes that she could hit the re-wind button so that she can find those times when they fought and convert them to moments when they could have lived happier. She wants to hit the re-wind button to savour for few more minutes the wonderful moments that she shared with her husband. She wants to hit the re-wind button so that she could live with him again.

 

Many a time, we do not appreciate what is with us. We live in the past or in the future and forget the present. When this dear friend of mine told me about her need to re-wind, I told her that while that is great, she needs to be really happy that she has a daughter, her dad, her sister and so many other friends and relatives who love her and will go that extra mile to help her. I told her that whilst what has happened is not easy to digest, life has to continue and she must move on. That if she loses sight of the people who are with her in the present, she will just die in the past. So, however tempted you may be to hit the re-wind or fast-forward button, think twice. Maybe, hit the pause button. Look around you. There is so much to love, enjoy and actually live for in the present moment.

Skillset Adaptability

I was listening to a song in Tamil (a South Indian Language) and remembered the movie in which the song is actually sung by the hero of the film. This movie was released in the 1970s and I didn't quite follow it or realize the depth of it then. It is about a set of people who are drama artistes. They would perform on stage and do musicals. They typically had stories or messages to convey through their plays.  These people became artistes by watching their parents/relatives/friends do the same thing. They were patronized by the kings initially and then by very rich landlords (or zamindars as they were called in India).  With an independent India in 1947 and the subsequent transformation of society, we saw the disappearance of these Zamindars and Kings.  This resulted in the patrons for these artistes disappearing all of a sudden and they lost their livelihoods. This movie is about one such very well known artiste who is struggling to keep his drama troupe in existence.  In that movie, he talks of how his art is dying and that he is not skilled to do anything else.

We are faced with the same situation in many parts of the world even today. With more and more administrative jobs and manufacturing jobs moving to lower cost locations, people in higher cost countries are being forced to  re-skill themselves. The skills that got them a job 15-20 years ago are no longer relevant in the high cost countries that they live in. Universities are struggling to keep pace to see if they can now create programs that are relevant for the new skill sets that are needed.  Similarly, in lower cost locations costs are increasing and businesses need to look to different locations now.  So, people in these locations are also struggling.  Add to this, disruptive technology.

What we need is a good view of how the world is changing and then acquiring skill sets that are needed to meet the changing world. This is easier said than done. Many a time, we are so troubled that we are not in a mood to acquire new skill sets. However, if we do not do this, we make ourselves vulnerable to the relentless globalization of this world and the change that societies bring upon themselves.  As Charles Darwin said, "It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change."

 

As I drove towards the city of Pontiac in the US, I was surprised to see the state of the roads. They were very poorly maintained. I heard that the State was declared bankrupt. There were many people living on pavements. The sight of the impact of globalization was disturbing. Someone told me that Labour Unions had negotiated minimum salaries of US$40,000 for the lowest paid in the factories of General Motors and Ford. They had, over the years, shifted their manufacturing to lower cost locations.  Unfortunate situation...anything taken to the extreme - whether it is capitalism or labour unionism, ends up causing distress.

 

Many years ago, the same situation prevailed in a city in South India called Coimbatore. Many cotton mills were shut down and following that many companies that manufactured machinery for such mills had to also cut back. People had to re-skill themselves to survive.

 

I met two very enterprising men in both Pontiac and Coimbatore. The person in Pontiac had been laid off from a factory. He was a senior official at the factory. He took the money, bought 4 vehicles and now runs a fantastic taxi service. He drove me to the airport and talked to me all the way. Told me what he had to face in life but took a brave call of doing something on his own with his other skill set. I heard a similar story in Coimbatore. This man was a mechanic in the factory and when he was laid off, he could buy a 3 wheeler (called an Auto rickshaw in India). He coaxed 3 others to buy auto rickshaws and together they now run an auto rickshaw on demand service. I heard this rickshaw man's story also on my way from the railway station where he picked me.

 

Both these are fantastic stories of men (who live half a way across the world from each other) but actually did similar things. They re-skilled themselves, did not lose heart and now run an absolutely professional transport service. They make an honest day's living and are able to support their families well. Their families had to undergo an adjustment to their life styles, but they live with their heads held high.

 

I have heard many such stories in various countries as brave people look to different ways to combat this relentless chase for maximizing profits by companies that results in them losing jobs. In combating this relentless change brought by disruptive technologies. In combating greed. The trick is not to lose heart but to continuously re-skill ourselves so that we can make a living. It is fine to lose a job. It is fine to adjust our life style based on our incomes. However, it is not fine to let change get the better of us. The need to keep refreshing ourselves, the need to understand that we are born with multiple skill sets and that we can use them to make a decent living at any point in time, are key to living in this ever changing world.  It is indeed the species that is able to adapt that will survive on this earth.

Trust

A little girl and her father were crossing a bridge. The father was kind of scared so he asked his little daughter: "Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don't fall into the river." The little girl said:"No, Dad. You hold my hand." "What's the difference?" Asked the puzzled father. "There's a big difference," replied the little girl. "If I hold your hand and something happens to me, chances are that I may let your hand go. But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens, you will never let my hand go."

 

This is a lovely story and tells us how trust can go a long way in a relationship. I like a quote from an Unknown Author who says that "Trust is letting go of needing to know all the details before you open your heart." People who can do this are really gifted because they are able to trust others very easily. However, what I have noticed with people who can do this is that they lose trust as soon as something goes wrong and it takes very long to build the trust again. Most of the times, the trust is lost for ever.

 

Many a time, we take a long time to build relationships and trust in those relationships. We struggle with the question whether or not we can trust the person.  As Ernest Hemingway said, “The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.”  I have always been struck by these pre-nuptial contracts that people sign up before they get married. This, in my opinion (and I can be completely wrong in this), shows absolute lack of trust. Marriage is probably the biggest commitment we make in life. If this commitment to a relationship starts with a lack of trust, then, I am not sure how we can make that relationship work. I understand that pre-nuptial contracts are like insurance policies. What beats me is that we decide to get married but before that we sign a contract as to how our wealth will be split, if we get divorced.

 

As in personal relationships, we need to nurture relationships at work too. These get built over time and becomes difficult if people live across countries and don't see each other regularly. Stephen Covey says in his book The Speed of Trust, "The one thing that changes everything is trust." Trust increases speed of doing business, cuts costs and improves profitability significantly. This is more so in large multinational corporations that cut across 100s of countries. These large corporations need a very high level of trust and collaboration (apart from controls, process and technologies) to succeed. In my experience, trust goes a long way at work. It breaks bureaucracy, brings lot of freedom in to work, gets better outcomes and helps corporations win in the market place.

 

Lastly, I do want to mention trust and faith that we place on professionals, especially doctors. When faced with life threatening situations, we put complete trust on the doctor. God comes in the form of this doctor. Our life depends on this doctor and we decide to do that. When I was chatting with a friend on this topic of trusting the doctor, he said, "This is like surrendering to God." When I heard this, I was reminded of a quote of Corrie ten Boom who said, “Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.”

 

Adversity - The God and the Devil

As I watched the unfolding of nature's fury in Uttarakhand in India with the flooding and the landslides that swept away homes and buried small villages under 9 to 10 feet of earth, I noticed that the incident brought the best and the worst in humans.  The stories that were telecast and printed in newspapers showed how humans behave and the contrast was so stark that it left me wondering how and why there are massive differences in human beings that live on this earth.

 

On the one side we saw the army, volunteers from across the country and donors from across the country helping out and doing everything they could to save 80,000+ people who were stranded in these areas.  I saw a photograph of army men who had formed a human bridge so that the stranded people could crawl or walk over them to reach to safety. I saw volunteers from local villages and townships go across to the areas and help people reach safer places. Saw the army helicopters evacuate these 80,000+ people despite some of the worst weather conditions. In fact, there was a copter crash and few of the army men died in this attempt. Saw thousands of people from across India donate generously towards the rescue effort.

 

As we heard such fantastic stories, we also heard some of the worst stories. A roti (piece of bread) being sold at Indian Rupees (INR) 300 as food stalls tried to make money out of this disaster. Some transporters asked for INR 60,000 to take people to safety. Few politicians toured the areas for photo opportunities (elections are nearing in India). Corruption ran high in the State Machinery as relief material, food and clothing did not reach the people suffering but ended up in the hands of middlemen who sold them.

 

An adversity brings out the best and the worst in mankind and this incident in Uttarakhand is no exception. I saw similar deeds take place in many countries across the world in the 2004 Tsunami in the Indian Ocean. This absolute contrast is what I call diversity.  It takes all of us to make this world. If we don't see and experience the worst, we will never appreciate the best. Each one of us is made up of this diversity - the absolutely good (that we call God) and the absolutely unimaginable (that we call the Devil). We don't need to search for God or the Devil - they both reside in us. How much of the Devil we are able to suppress and how much of the God we are able to bring forth decides how we behave in a given situation. That is probably why we see people react differently to a given situation and the difference in behavior could be significant. 

 

Such adversity sometimes crush the human spirit. But, they also bring out the resilience in us. According to life coach Eleanor Chin, writing in "Positive Psychology News," "Character strengths such as creativity, courage, kindness, persistence, optimism, gratitude, humor and spirituality are exactly the personal resources needed in times of adversity to solve problems or just to stay afloat." Maybe, this is the "God" inside each of us that we need to summon as we go through difficult times.

Wishes and Goals

I am basing this blog on 3 quotes that I have really liked. Antoine de Saint-Exupery said, "A goal without a plan is just a wish." Steve Maraboli said, “If you have a goal, write it down. If you do not write it down, you do not have a goal - you have a wish." Zig Ziglar said, “The great majority of people are “wandering generalities” rather than “meaningful specifics”. The fact is that you can't hit a target that you can't see. If you don't know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else. You have to have goals.” 

 

How many times have you said or heard others say, "I wish I could do that" or "I have always wanted to do that or be like that or..."  The difference between a "wish" and "goal" is the ability and the willingness to make it a reality. The courage of conviction and being steadfast in what you want done, converts our wishes to goals.  It should also be accompanied by a lot of discipline.

 

I notice that life changing events typically cause such wishes to become goals.  Many of us go around talking of why we need to lose weight and actually do very little about it other than putting down few more ice-creams every week. Till such time we get in to a health issue. Then, all of a sudden, things fall in place. Why does this happen? It is because we are faced with an adversity and in the face of adversity, the best comes out in us. The situation also pushes us in to a tight corner.  We begin to lose weight, feel fantastic, the health issue begins to fade and, lo and behold, we are back to our old ways. Why does this happen? In my opinion, absolute lack of discipline. We, of course, blame it on lousy work hours, travel, etc. However, we are not sure how we made it happen when it really had to be done.  It comes down to discipline.

 

A goal is a wish that can come true. A goal can have a plan, you can think through how to make it happen, you can put some timeline and it may take more or less time than you thought it would and finally, if you put in hard work, it may just come true.

 

What happens when a wish comes in another form?  These are opportunities. They come and they go. We have to recognize them and, if they are in line with our goals, we need to grab them with both our hands. I had written earlier that luck is opportunity meeting preparedness - the right person at the right time, at the right place, with the right attitude and the right level of preparedness.  A wish can become a goal when there is "luck".

 

As you will see, for a wish to become a goal, there is always lot of hard work necessary. Hard work does not happen by chance. It needs will power and this is what I would call discipline.  Without that discipline, it becomes impossible for a wish to turn in to a goal.  Or, in other words, action converts a wish in to a goal and needs a lot of hard work and discipline.

 

So, how do we bring about action and discipline. The first thing to do is to write down your wish - "I want to lose weight". Now, also put down the why..."I want to feel healthy", "I want to feel lively", "I want to be brisk", "I want to look and feel good", etc. Once you start writing it down and reading it daily, your sub-conscious mind takes it in. The minute it is in to your sub-conscious mind, it helps the conscious mind to focus on it and convert it in to action.  Have you observed women walking around in a shopping mall? You will notice that a mom seems to be interested and looking for children clothing, toys, etc. Others who are not moms are looking for accessories, new clothes, personal care items.  This is how the sub-conscious mind works.  So, you can train the sub-conscious mind to think the way you want and the best way to do that is to put things down in writing.  That is why Steve Maraboli would have said, "If you have a goal, write it down....."

 

Just by writing it down, can you turn all your wishes in to goals? Not really. You need to know what you can do and what you cannot. I am reminded of a mail I received from a friend of mine. She said, "I read this book in which this person meets the lady of his life after many years. He had thought this lady had died. I was imagining how happy he would have felt seeing her after so many years. How I wish my husband was alive."  By putting this wish down in writing, can she make this a goal and get her dead husband back?  As I know of it now, I don't believe so.  So, whilst you must write down your wishes to convert them to goals, you must also realize that they are attainable - some with lots of hard work and perseverance over many years.

 

I got a message on my mobile from a very old friend of mine. She wrote, "Ravi, I have achieved my goal of getting my son to pass 10th grade. His teachers and doctors never believed this could happen. I so badly wanted it to happen and, finally, after 3 years, it has become a reality." This was a son who is a slow child and was struggling his way through school. 3 years ago, she decided to go part time and spend half a day with her son so that she could get him to pass the 10th grade exams. She needed a full time job but decided that she will cut back on her expenses and do with a part time job so that she could focus on her son. His future was more important to her. He was then in 7th grade. After 3 years of some real hard work, perseverance and belief and faith that she could do it, she has finally achieved it. 3 years ago she told me, "How I wish I can get him to pass his 10th grade exams." Her wish has come true and this is because of action combined with discipline and hard work.

 

I responded to her, "For those who do not believe that God exists, this is a fantastic example of how He worked through you to make your son go through these exams and pass them. He is there in each one of us, but we do not recognize Him. He actually shows Himself in different ways. This time, he has chosen to reveal Himself through you."

Deciding on behalf of others

"Control your own destiny or someone else will", said Jack Welsh. Someone wrote that Karma (the word that stands for the law of cause and effect) is Negotiable. William Henley says, "I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul." We go about our lives believing that we decide for ourselves and do not let anyone take control of our lives. We also do not want to decide for others...it is such a pain to do that...and sometimes we have to do that...these guys for whom we have to sometimes decide for are losers...we just cannot believe that someone is letting us decide for them.

 

The day starts with a cup of tea - your spouse brought it for you. He/she had decided how much water and milk to put in to that cup of tea. You got ready to go to office and on your way grabbed the banana that was left on the table for you by your spouse. You made the choice of taking the banana because, honestly, there was no other choice. Between the pancake and the banana, the latter was a healthier choice.

 

As you reached the bus-stop, you said a quick hello to the few who travel with you in the same bus daily. Your day never started without them...of course, that was not your choice.  You got in to the bus and today, the bus is running 10 minutes late. You are upset but you have to choose the bus as it is economical. Wish you could take a taxi.  You are late, traffic has started building up and the bus driver suddenly decides to make up part of the lost time. He steps on the accelerator and the bus lunges forward. As the bus speeds on, you think that this fellow is driving dangerously. Gosh, but you are not in control of the bus. The bus speeds on and jumps a traffic light. The bus is stopped by a police officer for traffic violation and post all that you reach your destination - 20 minutes late. Today, you really wish that you were the bus driver. At least, you would not have over-sped and put the lives of so many people inside and outside the bus in danger. You would not have delayed the passengers further.

 

As you stepped out of the bus, God decided to take over. He sent a massive cloud above the city you live in and it started pouring. Before you knew it, you were drenched.  As you walked in to office soaked, your assistant gave you a towel to wipe yourself. Somehow, you have always wanted a white towel and she gives you the blue one.  As you wiped yourself dry, she brought you a nice, hot cup of tea. She always knew the exact ingredients and quantities to put in to make this lovely cup of tea.

 

As you sipped the hot cup of tea, you dialed in to the conference call for your first meeting of the day. These guys from all over the world had not agreed with your plan and you needed to take them through your plans and get them to agree with you. They called it "influencing skills" in your office. God, how you hated it. You just hoped you did not have to face all this bureaucracy.  Someone, sitting thousands of miles away, assumed he knew more about the markets you sell in. He had come up with such ridiculous sales policies.  There were so many things that you had to contend with before you could sell. Wish these so-called strategists and pricing experts just let you do your work in peace. And guess what...they tell you that you are aggressive and want to sell at all costs without taking in to account the company policies. That you should not decide on their behalf. You just don't believe it...you always thought that they were trying to decide on your behalf.

 

The day went on with such meetings...you trying to influence others and everyone else trying to influence you.  You felt everyone else in office was deciding on your behalf and many felt that you were deciding on theirs.

 

As you entered home, took a shower and sat down in front of the TV, you decided to watch football. Whilst you decided on watching football, you did that because this Cable TV provider had only 30 channels.  So, your choice was only from within these 30 channels.

 

As you sat down for dinner with your spouse, you reflected on the day that went by. In most of the situations, starting from how much water in your tea, to the speed of the bus, to the traffic violation, to the colour of the towel, to the policies in office, you had limited to no choice. Everyone else seemed to be making a decision on your behalf. And yet, we go through life wanting to be the master of our destinies. 

 

Actually, we seem to be doing a better job controlling others' destinies. I was reminded of various wars where few of us decide on behalf of the majority. These few decide on when and how to fight these wars, when and how we start these wars and when and how we use international mechanisms to send our own peace keeping forces after having started or participated from behind the scenes in these wars. We seem to be having at least 1 war going on somewhere in the world at any point in time. Did all these people impacted by these wars want the war? What if you are impacted by one of these wars directly? Are you fine with someone deciding on a war that impacts you and your family?

 

We believe that this is our life. That we need to manage our destinies. That we need to manage our careers. However, when you reflect on what happens around you in life, you will notice that there is very little in your destiny that you control. However, there is so much that you decide on behalf of others. This is the fact of our lives. We seem to decide on behalf of each other.

Luck

Jack Welsh writes in his book "Straight from the Gut" that one of the key reasons he got the top job at GE was because he was at the right place and at the right time and, therefore, got noticed.  He is being modest.  Louis Pasteur said, "Chance favours the prepared mind."  Seneca says, "Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity."

I was reflecting on my career and thought I will share some examples of the luck that I have had. Whilst working in the Business Finance function in an IT company, I wanted to be in Sales. I had this fascination for customer, for generating revenue, for being in the thick of action.  However, at that time, I was told that I cannot sell IT products because I did not have the right educational background. It was then that I started thinking and asked my self as to what I can sell given that I was a professionally qualified accountant. The answer that kept coming back to me was financial services and in those days, it was predominantly, banking. So, I told this to the Treasurer of the IT company that I was working for.  Few months later, a situation arose. The Treasurer had referred another person to a leading foreign bank in India for a job. His name was also Ravi. An interview had been arranged and that other Ravi did not turn up for the interview. So, the banker called the Treasurer and asked him as to why Ravi had not come for the interview. The Treasurer looks at me (read as right place - right time) while talking to the banker on the phone - and it struck him that I had similar interests and immediately to save face tells the banker that he had held up "Ravi" at office with some work and will send him immediately for the interview. He called me and asked me to attend the interview. I went ahead and did that and that's how I got a job in banking. Yes, I was at the right place at the right time...but, I was fully prepared because I had clarified in my mind that this is what I wanted to do. I had done research on the types of jobs. I had found out what these jobs entailed and when I attended the interview, I was fully prepared.

There have been other instances in my career but something that happened very recently was when the job of my erstwhile manager came up.  Initially, I was wondering if I was suitable for the role.  However, I realized that I was managing a large part of the organization, had done back office roles in the past, had run a profit centre (even though this job was to manage a cost centre) and knew what it was to handle tough customers. So, I agreed to attend the interview for the position.  Despite the fact that I had been doing a role at the next lower level for years, I refused to the take this opportunity for granted.  I knew I had prepare my self physically, mentally and also bring in the right energies within myself . It started from writing up my resume, to talking to many people who had done different roles at the higher level so that I could understand what could go wrong at that level and also to role-play various scenarios with my family and friends.  I also actively sought help with a retired person who had initially set up the role in the company and discussed various choice points he had when he managed the job and checked as to why he had made some choices.  I had spoken to over 20 people. This gave me much more clarity on the role and made me increasingly confident that I could do the role, though it would take time to get used to it.  The preparedness gave me the confidence.  Confidence also came because I started realizing that to do this complex job effectively, one needed the right attitude.  At no point in time I under-estimated the asks of the job.  That helped me build the right attitude towards the role and also understand the risks of taking on the role. I also understood the risks for the person giving me the job and so decided to articulate that with action plans on how to mitigate those risks (in terms of what I would do and by when).  I prepared myself physically and mentally for the role initially. Then, I started looking at the job from its asks of me with regard to attitude.  I had to harness a positive energy. So, I started aligning the body, the mind and the energies. Within 6 weeks, I could feel the difference in me.  When I walked out of the interview (it was a telephonic one and, therefore, much more difficult to understand the body language of the other person), I knew I had given it my best shot.  I got the role and I knew that lot of work had gone in to it despite being at the right time and at the right place.  What Seneca and Louis Pasteur said came to my mind.  It was preparedness meeting opportunity.

Yes, luck is about being at the right time and at the right place but there is something more to it. You have to be prepared and grab it with both your hands. You must have the right attitude for it...so, to me, luck is the prepared person at the right time at the right place with the right attitude.