Smile, and the world smiles back at you

I am back to writing on that rare commodity called "SMILE"...I had written on this earlier but want to do so once again. Someone said, "Don't go for looks, they can deceive. Don't go for wealth, even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright." Another lovely saying from Phyllis Diller is, "A smile is a curve that sets everything straight."

In all the worries of the day, we forget to smile. It is a proven fact that if we smile, our health actually gets better. Just try out this experiment....when you are walking, look at strangers and smile at them. More than 90% of them will return the smile.  Many a time, I have started conversations with total strangers because I smiled first and that broke the ice.

There are some leadership aspects to smiling that I believe should be practiced. The first one is that when you smile, it sends out a signal that you are approachable. It also sends out a signal that you are friendly. This is helpful when you manage large teams. Your teams should know and feel that you are friendly and approachable. Otherwise, like many leaders, you will be alone at the top.

It is hard practice that will get you to keep your smile throughout the day. It is said that disciplined practice is what makes someone succeed. Practicing to smile consciously helps in building a discipline that is essential to succeed.

It also makes you aware of your surroundings as you try and notice people who are smiling.  Your attitude changes over a period of time and you see life in a totally different light. Every aspect of life seems to be worth living for.

I have also seen that it helps me focus. Smiling and getting in to the habit of smiling helps you focus hard on how you appear to the public and helps you to draw people closer to you.

Just imagine if you always looked like that picture of yours that you adore!!! That should be your face to the public and it is essential that as a leader everyone sees you with that huge smile. As I walked in to the department store, a counter salesperson gave me an amazing smile. I walked up to her and thanked her for lighting up my day. She was so thrilled because no one had every complimented her for her smile. That smile had lit up both our days.

A smile, therefore, goes a real long way in helping you. It lightens up your mood, it changes the mood of the person interacting with you, it improves your health, it changes your attitude towards life, it makes it hard for anyone dealing with you to actually get upset with you, it helps you focus and it actually  changes lives.

That's what a simple smile can do and it does not come at a cost at all!!! So, why should we be afraid to smile at each other?

Leading in tough times...

Many a time we are happy with our leaders. These are people who can present themselves and their ideas in a nice way. They come through as clear thinkers. They make you think. They are pleasant to deal with. In the corporate world, we find many leaders who are good people to work for till adversity hits. It is true that the toughest of times will bring out the best or the worst in leaders.

Many leaders let their image melt when adversity hits. Leaders are humans. Human beings tend to go in to their core during adversity and then their true character comes out. If a leader comes through as the same fantastic person during adversity, you have a great leader. Cling on to him/her as this is the person you need to work with.

I have seen few things work for me as a leader during very tough times:

1. Being in front of customers more often;
2. Trusting and depending on key people so that I could focus on what matters to the customer and business;
3. Focus on the immediate term and ensure you knock down all targets one after the other;
4. Get all hands on deck, including your own and meet more often with the relationship and sales teams;
5. Focus on high impact programs and ensure you deliver to them;
6. Take tough decisions;
7. Put more focus in to transformation and innovation;
8. Communicate more and extensively.

You will need to be a different leader during these difficult times. Each day will be different. The path  to success will have twists and turns. You will be forced to summon all your courage to be able to lead. At this time, it will be essential to never let your teams down. It will be very easy to blame someone else in your team if something does not work. It is best not to fall in to that trap.

It is also during these times that leaders slip. There is nothing wrong with slipping. Just get up, dust yourself and move on. If, as a leader, you let that become a huge fall, then, you will struggle to move on. Many leaders struggle to move on because we struggle to forgive ourselves when we slip up. Someone once said that when you fall you need to behave like a steed (that gets up and runs) and not like an elephant (that takes time to react).

Keeping a positive attitude during these times is also essential. It is not very easy to do this as most of the days you wake up to news that is not very good. So, how do you handle this? One thing that has worked for me is to see the opportunity in the difficulty facing me. Many years ago, I was faced with a situation that presented a huge financial loss to the division that I was managing. I also realized that this possible loss was because the company that we had given a loan to was not able to meet its working capital needs fully. We, in fact, saw that situation, sized up our losses and actually decided to invest more in to the company to tide through its working capital problems (could have resulted in greater losses). Within 3 months, we were out of the problem, no losses and our customer appreciating that we were bankers that helped when they most needed it.  A huge problem was converted in to an opportunity.

Patience is also another commodity that will be needed during these times. Else, we end up making mistakes and setting back the whole organization.  This commodity is typically in short supply and most leaders lose it when they actually need it most. Loss of patience is probably the biggest challenge that I have seen leaders face and this is because of stress. This stress increases if the company is listed as there are quarterly pressures.

As I sign off on this post, thought I will share few quotes that I came across with you:

1. The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking places - unknown
2. When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on – Franklin D. Roosevelt
3. Remember when you see a man at the top of a mountain, he didn’t fall there – Unknown

Life in Rewind or Fast Forward Mode

Many a time we would like to re-wind life and hope that something that happened did not. It could be that bad meeting that you had with a colleague of yours or an email that you shot off in frustration or a huge life changing event that has hit you. If only we could hit the rewind button, life would be so different.

 

At times we wonder why things are moving so slow in life. We are bored and want more action. Or it could be that elusive promotion at work. The action is missing and you wish that you could hit the fast forward button.

 

Ever thought of living in the present? The now and here? Somehow, we don't do this though that is what reality is. We need to learn to live in the present. What is now and here is real. All others have already happened or yet to happen. There is nothing much you can do about them. You don't control both. So, why focus on something that you don't control and just use the past as your learning points? Why don't we just grab the current moment that we are living in with both hands and make the best of it?

 

So, does this mean I am telling you not to plan for your future? No, not at all. Planning for the future is essential so that you de-risk it to some extent. But, believe me, you can do it only to some extent. So, give it all the importance and time that it needs. However, don't forget to live in the present. A great example would be to save for a child's education and planning for that. Another would be setting aside money for retirement, etc. All this needs you to work harder and put in those extra hours of effort. In pursuit of all this, will you then stop "living" with your family? Will you be so focused on the future that you forget that your family is right here next to you and wants your attention and time? This is what happens to most of us and then we complain about work-life balance. How work is so merciless that we need to sacrifice life for it. My dad said, "Work hard, plan well and play hard." I would see him come after a real tiring day at the factory and still have energy to play some cricket or ring-ball with us. He would spend time in the evening for a game of cards or carom.  He was with us in mind, body and spirit. How many of us can say honestly that we do this today?

 

We let our ambition, our need to excel and our worry of the tomorrow just steal the present away from us. It is necessary to be ambitious. It is essential to excel in whatever we do. Otherwise, there is no pride in the work that we do. It is necessary to plan for tomorrow. But, let it not take away the need to enjoy the moment today.

 

I am reminded of a dear friend of mine. She lost her husband in a split second to a massive heart attack. He was here now and she had told him that she would get him dinner as he was on the phone. By the time she came back in few minutes with dinner, he was dead. Over the last one year, I have seen her go through pain as she remembers all the good times that they had together. He is not there anymore to share her joys, her sadness, her anger, her pain. She just feels lonely. There were times that both of them fought on things. All those seem so trivial now. She told me that so many things that were really important to her have lost significance without her husband. She really wishes that she could hit the re-wind button so that she can find those times when they fought and convert them to moments when they could have lived happier. She wants to hit the re-wind button to savour for few more minutes the wonderful moments that she shared with her husband. She wants to hit the re-wind button so that she could live with him again.

 

Many a time, we do not appreciate what is with us. We live in the past or in the future and forget the present. When this dear friend of mine told me about her need to re-wind, I told her that while that is great, she needs to be really happy that she has a daughter, her dad, her sister and so many other friends and relatives who love her and will go that extra mile to help her. I told her that whilst what has happened is not easy to digest, life has to continue and she must move on. That if she loses sight of the people who are with her in the present, she will just die in the past. So, however tempted you may be to hit the re-wind or fast-forward button, think twice. Maybe, hit the pause button. Look around you. There is so much to love, enjoy and actually live for in the present moment.

Skillset Adaptability

I was listening to a song in Tamil (a South Indian Language) and remembered the movie in which the song is actually sung by the hero of the film. This movie was released in the 1970s and I didn't quite follow it or realize the depth of it then. It is about a set of people who are drama artistes. They would perform on stage and do musicals. They typically had stories or messages to convey through their plays.  These people became artistes by watching their parents/relatives/friends do the same thing. They were patronized by the kings initially and then by very rich landlords (or zamindars as they were called in India).  With an independent India in 1947 and the subsequent transformation of society, we saw the disappearance of these Zamindars and Kings.  This resulted in the patrons for these artistes disappearing all of a sudden and they lost their livelihoods. This movie is about one such very well known artiste who is struggling to keep his drama troupe in existence.  In that movie, he talks of how his art is dying and that he is not skilled to do anything else.

We are faced with the same situation in many parts of the world even today. With more and more administrative jobs and manufacturing jobs moving to lower cost locations, people in higher cost countries are being forced to  re-skill themselves. The skills that got them a job 15-20 years ago are no longer relevant in the high cost countries that they live in. Universities are struggling to keep pace to see if they can now create programs that are relevant for the new skill sets that are needed.  Similarly, in lower cost locations costs are increasing and businesses need to look to different locations now.  So, people in these locations are also struggling.  Add to this, disruptive technology.

What we need is a good view of how the world is changing and then acquiring skill sets that are needed to meet the changing world. This is easier said than done. Many a time, we are so troubled that we are not in a mood to acquire new skill sets. However, if we do not do this, we make ourselves vulnerable to the relentless globalization of this world and the change that societies bring upon themselves.  As Charles Darwin said, "It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change."

 

As I drove towards the city of Pontiac in the US, I was surprised to see the state of the roads. They were very poorly maintained. I heard that the State was declared bankrupt. There were many people living on pavements. The sight of the impact of globalization was disturbing. Someone told me that Labour Unions had negotiated minimum salaries of US$40,000 for the lowest paid in the factories of General Motors and Ford. They had, over the years, shifted their manufacturing to lower cost locations.  Unfortunate situation...anything taken to the extreme - whether it is capitalism or labour unionism, ends up causing distress.

 

Many years ago, the same situation prevailed in a city in South India called Coimbatore. Many cotton mills were shut down and following that many companies that manufactured machinery for such mills had to also cut back. People had to re-skill themselves to survive.

 

I met two very enterprising men in both Pontiac and Coimbatore. The person in Pontiac had been laid off from a factory. He was a senior official at the factory. He took the money, bought 4 vehicles and now runs a fantastic taxi service. He drove me to the airport and talked to me all the way. Told me what he had to face in life but took a brave call of doing something on his own with his other skill set. I heard a similar story in Coimbatore. This man was a mechanic in the factory and when he was laid off, he could buy a 3 wheeler (called an Auto rickshaw in India). He coaxed 3 others to buy auto rickshaws and together they now run an auto rickshaw on demand service. I heard this rickshaw man's story also on my way from the railway station where he picked me.

 

Both these are fantastic stories of men (who live half a way across the world from each other) but actually did similar things. They re-skilled themselves, did not lose heart and now run an absolutely professional transport service. They make an honest day's living and are able to support their families well. Their families had to undergo an adjustment to their life styles, but they live with their heads held high.

 

I have heard many such stories in various countries as brave people look to different ways to combat this relentless chase for maximizing profits by companies that results in them losing jobs. In combating this relentless change brought by disruptive technologies. In combating greed. The trick is not to lose heart but to continuously re-skill ourselves so that we can make a living. It is fine to lose a job. It is fine to adjust our life style based on our incomes. However, it is not fine to let change get the better of us. The need to keep refreshing ourselves, the need to understand that we are born with multiple skill sets and that we can use them to make a decent living at any point in time, are key to living in this ever changing world.  It is indeed the species that is able to adapt that will survive on this earth.

Trust

A little girl and her father were crossing a bridge. The father was kind of scared so he asked his little daughter: "Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don't fall into the river." The little girl said:"No, Dad. You hold my hand." "What's the difference?" Asked the puzzled father. "There's a big difference," replied the little girl. "If I hold your hand and something happens to me, chances are that I may let your hand go. But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens, you will never let my hand go."

 

This is a lovely story and tells us how trust can go a long way in a relationship. I like a quote from an Unknown Author who says that "Trust is letting go of needing to know all the details before you open your heart." People who can do this are really gifted because they are able to trust others very easily. However, what I have noticed with people who can do this is that they lose trust as soon as something goes wrong and it takes very long to build the trust again. Most of the times, the trust is lost for ever.

 

Many a time, we take a long time to build relationships and trust in those relationships. We struggle with the question whether or not we can trust the person.  As Ernest Hemingway said, “The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.”  I have always been struck by these pre-nuptial contracts that people sign up before they get married. This, in my opinion (and I can be completely wrong in this), shows absolute lack of trust. Marriage is probably the biggest commitment we make in life. If this commitment to a relationship starts with a lack of trust, then, I am not sure how we can make that relationship work. I understand that pre-nuptial contracts are like insurance policies. What beats me is that we decide to get married but before that we sign a contract as to how our wealth will be split, if we get divorced.

 

As in personal relationships, we need to nurture relationships at work too. These get built over time and becomes difficult if people live across countries and don't see each other regularly. Stephen Covey says in his book The Speed of Trust, "The one thing that changes everything is trust." Trust increases speed of doing business, cuts costs and improves profitability significantly. This is more so in large multinational corporations that cut across 100s of countries. These large corporations need a very high level of trust and collaboration (apart from controls, process and technologies) to succeed. In my experience, trust goes a long way at work. It breaks bureaucracy, brings lot of freedom in to work, gets better outcomes and helps corporations win in the market place.

 

Lastly, I do want to mention trust and faith that we place on professionals, especially doctors. When faced with life threatening situations, we put complete trust on the doctor. God comes in the form of this doctor. Our life depends on this doctor and we decide to do that. When I was chatting with a friend on this topic of trusting the doctor, he said, "This is like surrendering to God." When I heard this, I was reminded of a quote of Corrie ten Boom who said, “Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.”

 

Adversity - The God and the Devil

As I watched the unfolding of nature's fury in Uttarakhand in India with the flooding and the landslides that swept away homes and buried small villages under 9 to 10 feet of earth, I noticed that the incident brought the best and the worst in humans.  The stories that were telecast and printed in newspapers showed how humans behave and the contrast was so stark that it left me wondering how and why there are massive differences in human beings that live on this earth.

 

On the one side we saw the army, volunteers from across the country and donors from across the country helping out and doing everything they could to save 80,000+ people who were stranded in these areas.  I saw a photograph of army men who had formed a human bridge so that the stranded people could crawl or walk over them to reach to safety. I saw volunteers from local villages and townships go across to the areas and help people reach safer places. Saw the army helicopters evacuate these 80,000+ people despite some of the worst weather conditions. In fact, there was a copter crash and few of the army men died in this attempt. Saw thousands of people from across India donate generously towards the rescue effort.

 

As we heard such fantastic stories, we also heard some of the worst stories. A roti (piece of bread) being sold at Indian Rupees (INR) 300 as food stalls tried to make money out of this disaster. Some transporters asked for INR 60,000 to take people to safety. Few politicians toured the areas for photo opportunities (elections are nearing in India). Corruption ran high in the State Machinery as relief material, food and clothing did not reach the people suffering but ended up in the hands of middlemen who sold them.

 

An adversity brings out the best and the worst in mankind and this incident in Uttarakhand is no exception. I saw similar deeds take place in many countries across the world in the 2004 Tsunami in the Indian Ocean. This absolute contrast is what I call diversity.  It takes all of us to make this world. If we don't see and experience the worst, we will never appreciate the best. Each one of us is made up of this diversity - the absolutely good (that we call God) and the absolutely unimaginable (that we call the Devil). We don't need to search for God or the Devil - they both reside in us. How much of the Devil we are able to suppress and how much of the God we are able to bring forth decides how we behave in a given situation. That is probably why we see people react differently to a given situation and the difference in behavior could be significant. 

 

Such adversity sometimes crush the human spirit. But, they also bring out the resilience in us. According to life coach Eleanor Chin, writing in "Positive Psychology News," "Character strengths such as creativity, courage, kindness, persistence, optimism, gratitude, humor and spirituality are exactly the personal resources needed in times of adversity to solve problems or just to stay afloat." Maybe, this is the "God" inside each of us that we need to summon as we go through difficult times.

Wishes and Goals

I am basing this blog on 3 quotes that I have really liked. Antoine de Saint-Exupery said, "A goal without a plan is just a wish." Steve Maraboli said, “If you have a goal, write it down. If you do not write it down, you do not have a goal - you have a wish." Zig Ziglar said, “The great majority of people are “wandering generalities” rather than “meaningful specifics”. The fact is that you can't hit a target that you can't see. If you don't know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else. You have to have goals.” 

 

How many times have you said or heard others say, "I wish I could do that" or "I have always wanted to do that or be like that or..."  The difference between a "wish" and "goal" is the ability and the willingness to make it a reality. The courage of conviction and being steadfast in what you want done, converts our wishes to goals.  It should also be accompanied by a lot of discipline.

 

I notice that life changing events typically cause such wishes to become goals.  Many of us go around talking of why we need to lose weight and actually do very little about it other than putting down few more ice-creams every week. Till such time we get in to a health issue. Then, all of a sudden, things fall in place. Why does this happen? It is because we are faced with an adversity and in the face of adversity, the best comes out in us. The situation also pushes us in to a tight corner.  We begin to lose weight, feel fantastic, the health issue begins to fade and, lo and behold, we are back to our old ways. Why does this happen? In my opinion, absolute lack of discipline. We, of course, blame it on lousy work hours, travel, etc. However, we are not sure how we made it happen when it really had to be done.  It comes down to discipline.

 

A goal is a wish that can come true. A goal can have a plan, you can think through how to make it happen, you can put some timeline and it may take more or less time than you thought it would and finally, if you put in hard work, it may just come true.

 

What happens when a wish comes in another form?  These are opportunities. They come and they go. We have to recognize them and, if they are in line with our goals, we need to grab them with both our hands. I had written earlier that luck is opportunity meeting preparedness - the right person at the right time, at the right place, with the right attitude and the right level of preparedness.  A wish can become a goal when there is "luck".

 

As you will see, for a wish to become a goal, there is always lot of hard work necessary. Hard work does not happen by chance. It needs will power and this is what I would call discipline.  Without that discipline, it becomes impossible for a wish to turn in to a goal.  Or, in other words, action converts a wish in to a goal and needs a lot of hard work and discipline.

 

So, how do we bring about action and discipline. The first thing to do is to write down your wish - "I want to lose weight". Now, also put down the why..."I want to feel healthy", "I want to feel lively", "I want to be brisk", "I want to look and feel good", etc. Once you start writing it down and reading it daily, your sub-conscious mind takes it in. The minute it is in to your sub-conscious mind, it helps the conscious mind to focus on it and convert it in to action.  Have you observed women walking around in a shopping mall? You will notice that a mom seems to be interested and looking for children clothing, toys, etc. Others who are not moms are looking for accessories, new clothes, personal care items.  This is how the sub-conscious mind works.  So, you can train the sub-conscious mind to think the way you want and the best way to do that is to put things down in writing.  That is why Steve Maraboli would have said, "If you have a goal, write it down....."

 

Just by writing it down, can you turn all your wishes in to goals? Not really. You need to know what you can do and what you cannot. I am reminded of a mail I received from a friend of mine. She said, "I read this book in which this person meets the lady of his life after many years. He had thought this lady had died. I was imagining how happy he would have felt seeing her after so many years. How I wish my husband was alive."  By putting this wish down in writing, can she make this a goal and get her dead husband back?  As I know of it now, I don't believe so.  So, whilst you must write down your wishes to convert them to goals, you must also realize that they are attainable - some with lots of hard work and perseverance over many years.

 

I got a message on my mobile from a very old friend of mine. She wrote, "Ravi, I have achieved my goal of getting my son to pass 10th grade. His teachers and doctors never believed this could happen. I so badly wanted it to happen and, finally, after 3 years, it has become a reality." This was a son who is a slow child and was struggling his way through school. 3 years ago, she decided to go part time and spend half a day with her son so that she could get him to pass the 10th grade exams. She needed a full time job but decided that she will cut back on her expenses and do with a part time job so that she could focus on her son. His future was more important to her. He was then in 7th grade. After 3 years of some real hard work, perseverance and belief and faith that she could do it, she has finally achieved it. 3 years ago she told me, "How I wish I can get him to pass his 10th grade exams." Her wish has come true and this is because of action combined with discipline and hard work.

 

I responded to her, "For those who do not believe that God exists, this is a fantastic example of how He worked through you to make your son go through these exams and pass them. He is there in each one of us, but we do not recognize Him. He actually shows Himself in different ways. This time, he has chosen to reveal Himself through you."