Passion and Honesty

This weekend was dedicated to interviewing.  My wife manages a school and she was recruiting teachers or as she calls them, Montessori Adults.  She wanted me to meet a person, who she said will change the way I look at life.  This was a person who went through a "special school" because, by birth, her mental faculties are slower than most others.  She got through 12th grade in the school and then has completed a rigorous 1 year Montessori Programme.

I met the person and as she recounted some of her experiences in life, it just hit me like a locomotive.  I asked her as to why she had wanted to become a Montessori Adult (read Teacher) and she said that she wanted to teach children with difficulty in learning better than how she had been taught. She recounted that she had studied in a traditional school and, though she did not want to say that the way she was taught mathematics was not the best, she felt that this Montessori Method would have done her a lot more good.  She grew averse to maths at that early age because, as she put it, "The teacher asked me to count 2+3 mentally and tell her the answer when I could not and had to use my fingers."  The sheer force of honesty and the innocence that came with it in her discussions was the locomotive that hit me first.  I was dumbfounded. I just wanted to continue listening to what this young lady was telling. 

She said, "I want to do so much for children.  I love them and can talk to them without any fear because they are honest to me.  Any child I deal with likes me."  The burning passion that I could see in her eyes was something I have experienced very few times while interviewing.

She had given me a resume and in that I had noticed that she loved dance, painting, music..different forms of art.  So, I asked her as to what art meant to her.  Her reply was, "Just as we all need air to live, I need air and art to live."  For someone to whom mathematics, money, inflated egos, position, desire to conquer the world, etc. meant nothing, art was a life giver...it was a form that she could relate to and express herself.  It created a meaning in her life.

Then I asked her as to what her strengths were.  After thinking for a minute or more, she replied, "I don't know,"  When I asked her, "Can I give you some hints?", she gladly accepted with a huge smile.  I told her, that her disarming honesty was her biggest strength.  The burning passion in the eyes was her strength.  Her love for art and the different forms of it was her strength.  I saw the raw excitement in her eyes when I spelt these out as probably no one had told her that she had tremendous strengths.  She had only heard her inability to comprehend subjects like maths or science.  Her abilities to absorb art, music and dance were not understood by our traditional schools.  This was the first time in my life, I had met a person who could not articulate her strengths...such a shame that, we as a society, refuse to accept people for what they are and boost their confidence by focusing on their strengths.

When I started de-briefing with my wife, she asked me with a mischievous smile, "So, what do you think?  Should we consider her for our School and can you tell me why we should do that, if at all?"  She had already guessed my answer but wanted to hear it from me.  I told her that she is a definite hire. The reason was not because we needed to give a chance to a differently abled person but because of the burning passion and the disarming honesty that she brought along.  She was someone that any organization should consider hiring and we were lucky to chance up on her. 

To me, the chance that life gave me to meet few people, Passion, Truth and Honesty, face to face, was one of the best experiences that I have ever had in my life!!!

Gender Diversity

I wrote on Diversity of Thought earlier. Given that we are closing in on Women's Day, I thought it may be good to write on Gender Diversity and why it is so important to have it at all levels in an organization.  The observations I make in this article are more relevant to India. 

60% of women in India give up their jobs after marriage to focus on the family.  This results in Women being in the workforce at lower levels when they are young but since many of them move out of the workforce after marriage, there are fewer as we go higher.  It hurts me that we need to fight in the Parliament in India to set aside 33% of seats for Women. I believe they will get there even without these reservations.

 

The Hoysala Temple in Halibedu, Karnataka, India, was built in the 12 Century.  If we examine the carvings on the temple, it shows women in all walks of life - riding a horse, fighting a battle, at home, at school, in dance, in other art forms, etc.  The carvings also shows women wearing 64 different hairstyles and high heeled shoes!!!  This was India before the invasions started.  Post all the invasions, we seem to have lost our traditional practices and women were pushed lower down. The equality was lost.

 

Economic experts say that this is the century for Asia, in general, and, India and China, in particular.  If that is the case, let us make 21st Century truly memorable.  As proud Indians, let us go back to the 12th Century. Let us revive the glory of the past when the real India existed.  Let us let the women in our lives blossom.

I have always found that with women leaders in my team, the team dynamics change. There is a balance in aggression. There is more collaboration and sharing. The team members are more willing to share their fears and prejudices.  And, of course, there is more fun and laughter (or should I say, giggling...)

 

While, a healthy gender mix is essential, there are few points that I would like working women in India to ponder:

 

• How many times do we consciously take our male colleague or manager (our boss) out for a coffee?
• How many times do we network outside of work?  We all know that many decisions are taken outside of office.
• How conscious are we of our gender while at work? Do we differentiate (knowingly or unknowingly) between genders in our attitude or the way we speak or react to a situation?

I have seen the following in Women Managers (read - as on an average and not in every instance) - these are only the top few and there would be many more:

• Ability to multiplex - Women Managers are capable of handling various activities at the same time and they are better at this than men;
• More empathy - women managers are more empathetic to day to day problems of life;
• Emotional Resilience - I notice more emotional resilience in women than in men.

Where I see Women Managers lag behind their male counterparts:

• Willingness to make compromises in business dealings to get on with life;
• The search for perfection and trying to prove a point takes a toll on women managers and they lose the woods for the trees;
• Empathy taken to a level that sometimes takes a toll on the fact that at times managers need to also be task oriented;
• Unwilling to a larger extent to network outside of office.

 These are more relevant to Indian Women managers and not necessarily true in other countries.  Again, these have been my experiences and, as I said earlier, these are statements in general and will not fit all women managers.

Everyone comes with a bundle of strengths and improvement areas. So, with men and women managers.  What is needed is our ability to notice the talent and groom it.  Each leader can make a difference to Women Managers by communicating more and talking them through their dilemnas.  Most women go through pangs of guilt when they are unable to focus on the family (be it their parents, their husbands, their siblings, their children).  They want the freedom of choice, the financial stability and independence and the family.  They struggle to balance work and home.  This is where males should step in effectively - as managers, as husbands, as fathers, as brothers, as friends - males should take a bold step forward in doing things that are seen as work to be done only by women eg. cooking, cleaning up the house, taking care of the child, etc.  They must be able to share the workload to the extent that the woman feels confident to balance work and home effectively.  This is the only way to lessen and finally remove the pangs of guilt that a woman goes through in her life.

There are deep rooted issues in our biases and these arise due to societal issues that we see in India.  We hear of societies killing new born female children, abortions because the child in the womb is a female, discussions that daughters need not go through formal education because they are going to get married and stay back and manage their homes.  Not that managing homes is easy..but the disdain with which women are treated leaves a lot to be desired in our society.  There is a lot of change happening in our country now but we need to do more.

I will sign off with a good version of the Story of a Man's Life:

• I was born and a woman was there to hold me - my Mother
• I grew as a child and a woman was there to care for me and play with me - my Sister;
• I went to school and a woman was there to help me learn - my Teacher;
• I became depressed and whenever I lost, a woman was there to offer a shoulder - my Girl Friend;
• I needed company, compatability and love and a great woman was there for me - my Wife;
• As I grew tough, a woman was there to melt me - my Daughter;
• When I die, a woman is there to absorb me - my Motherland. 

Leader - the flawed individual with thick skin

A call prompted me to write this posting this week.  My friend talked to me of a situation in his organization where one of his peers got pulled up by their manager's manager (boss's boss) in front of every one.  He told me something that hit me quite hard, "Ravi, after witnessing this incident, I lost faith in the leadership of the organization.  That person fell in my eyes."  I realised that it takes just one incident and one slip by a leader to fall in the eyes of the organization.  Years of hard and probably very good work get blotted out by one slip in behaviour.

While talking to my friend I told him that all of us are flawed individuals.  More importantly, we need to know and appreciate that our boss is also a human being and is, therefore, both vulnerable and flawed.  If we put the person on a pedestal, it becomes dangerous.  The first mistake will result in a fall that will damage his/her image permanently.

We tend to think that our leaders are super human beings. Incapable of making mistakes.  We need to appreciate that they are human beings like us and, therefore, will make the same mistakes that all of us end up making.  Only difference is that their mistakes could be more costly than those below as the impact will be higher.  For that, they pay a dearer price.

It is also important for leaders to understand that they are flawed individuals and are vulnerable.  Only if they show and accept these vulnerabilities and the fact that they are flawed, will they be successful leaders.  Leaders who believe that they are these fortified beings who cannot be penetrated easily, cannot be farther from the truth.  The only fortification that I have seen as we move up the ladder is a thicker skin.

So, what is this thick skin?  Our egos get pricked when we are pulled up in front of our colleagues or even if it is one to one with our manager. However, as we grow older, we tend to manage these incidents better - both internally within ourselves, and, externally.  We swallow our pride.  This is what, I believe, we call thick skin.  However, to grow this thick skin, we need a huge amount of maturity and life experience.  If we begin to understand that whatever be the comment from our manager or colleague is only a feedback from a different point of view, such comments hurt us less. Over a period of time, each of us decides as to how to accept these comments.  Many tend not to react.  To not react needs maturity and I see this as the life experiences.  This is necessary for senior leaders.

It is also essential for senior leaders to ponder their actions.  To show your might to someone well below you in an organization may satisfy your ego immediately but then will get you nothing in the long run.  It will only destroy your credibility and all your hard work.

As we move further up the ladder, we need to definitely understand how to align better, execute better and have trust/faith in our managers. We need to appreciate that leaders are flawed individuals and that their skins are probably thicker than ours!!!