I am a bit impatient when I drive. Those who know off Indian roads, know well that the rules of the road are seldom followed. This irritates drivers like me who follow rules. When people break the rules, I would swear, "Son of a b$x!\@". I would not wait to think as to who was with me in the car. One such day 7 years ago, when someone broke the rule, I was about to scream but my 4 year old beat me to it. She said, "Dad, son of a b$x!@" ??? I felt terrible and told her not to repeat that again and apologized to her for doing it myself. When I got back home I was reminded of an old story of a New York Cabbie.
In New York, many don't follow the rules of the road. A person traveling in a cab saw how the cab driver was managing the traffic. He was driving with a huge smile and humming to himself despite many cars cutting him off on the road or plain just breaking every rule. The person asked the cabbie, "Are you not upset with these guys who just don't follow the rules?" The cabbie replied, "Sir, everyday, many people throw garbage at you. This could be in the form of abuses or just irritating you by not following rules or doing something that gets to you. We need to remember that it is left to us whether to take this garbage on to us or not. If we decide not take the garbage, life is that much more peaceful."
The story taught me a very important lesson in life - People can do anything, but each of us can decide how to receive it and this is what results in how we react to the situation. If we decide to remain positive and happy, no one can take that away from us. If we decide to blame everyone else for the situation that we are in and behave like a victim, no one can bring happiness to an unhappy soul like us.
I have seen many people who are in a very good situation in life but are unhappy because something has not worked out in their lives. I have heard of situations where people get tensed and remain unhappy because they did not have a new dress to wear for a party in the evening. It would be great if such people just paused and thought of the millions of people who do not even have a proper dress to wear or more than one meal a day. As the great Indian Poet Kannadasan once wrote, "There are millions of people worse off than you. Think of them and the situations they are in and you will get peace of mind." (This is a poor translation of what he wrote in an Indian language called Tamil).
I have also seen so many people who live happily despite all the problems that they face in life. They overcome their difficulties and keep moving on cheerfully. These are the people who are the real heroes in life. Just imagine the world where everyone in the morning train that you take to work actually exchanges a smile with each other...a smile can go a long way and it is one commodity that gets returned by the other person with a very high rate of interest!!! Yes, happiness is state of mind and you can decide to either be happy or not. If you decide to be happy, no one or nothing can make you unhappy.
Hi Ravi, Thanks for the Excellent article.
ReplyDeleteHappiness depends on what you think and does not depend on what you have. Once some thing has already happened which can not be changed, ability to move on in life is very important with what we have and feel happy about what is left with us.
Once in a while, visiting old age homes, orphanages, cancer hospital, heart hospital teach us many things and would make us thank God for all we have. Thank you once again.
Nice post, Ravi, enjoyed it. Very true about the state of mind ... I've seen people sitting in their cars in terrible traffic but with a huge smile on their faces - they apparently have some nice music turned on and are totally immersed in that happiness, oblivious of the chaos outside !
ReplyDeleteOn a lighter note, I always find true happines on Bangalore's roads by handing over the keys of the car to my wife :-)
Rajiv and Sathya, thank you for your comments...I do have music turned on and am singing along the way...this is the only place where no one else can hear me sing :)...so, have all the fun going out of pitch, but singing to my hearts content..
ReplyDeleteNice Article Ravi. In my experience, I've realized that being happy at all times is the ultimate happiness I give to my family and parents. I do spread this across everywhere I can. To me contentment is something one should aim for irrespective of his position or situation.
ReplyDeleteYes, Happiness is state of mind. So also misery.. In both the states one is common and that is mind. For 90 percent of the people happiness comes on its own and goes on its own. They are not the owners of that just because they have not gone above mind.Someone blows horn and they are unhappy. Someone says something and they are unhappy.If something comes on its own and goes on its own then what is your role? Owner is missing! That is why people are afraid of both happiness and unhappiness. Afraid of happiness just because it may slip away any time.Afraid of unhappiness because they don’t want it. People are scared because they don’t own mind. The one who has found owner knows that there is nothing wrong in being unhappy and there is nothing special in being happy.
ReplyDeleteWould like to share a story of a man who has found owner.
One Zen monk, Bokuju, was passing through a street in a village. Somebody came and struck him with a stick. He fell down, and with him, the stick also. He got up and picked up the stick. The man who had hit him was running away. Bokuju ran after him, calling, ”Wait, take your stick with you!”
He followed after him and gave him the stick. A crowd had gathered to see what was happening, and somebody asked Bokuju, ”That man struck you hard, and you have not said anything!”
Bokuju is reported to have said, ”A fact is a fact. He has hit, that’s all. It happened that he was the hitter and I was the hit. It is just as if I am passing under a tree, or sitting under a tree, and a branch falls down. What will I do? What can I do?”
But the crowd said, ”But a branch is a branch, this is a man. We cannot say anything to the branch, we cannot punish it. We cannot say to the tree that it is bad, because a tree is a tree, it has no mind.”
Bokuju said, ”This man to me is also just a branch. And if I cannot say anything to the tree, why should I bother to say anything to this man? It happened. I am not going to interpret what has happened. And it has already happened. Why get worried about it? It is finished, over.”
Ravi, you just reminded me of an incedent from my childhood days... but before i get to that, for the last few months I have started loosing my temper on the road, and "Son of a B*$#$%" is probably the most decent one that comes to the toungue when people cut you off or break rules. However this article reminds me of what my dad once told me as a child - My dad was drvivng with a very close friend of his sometime in the 90's and they met with a minor accident, when his friend was at the wheel, the driver from the other car was at fault. Still he got down looked at the damage and came shouting with a very animated language at my Dad's friend. Surprizingly my dad's friend got down from the car continously smilling and occasionally laughing. The other driver continued his profanity for a while and then said "Mad Man" and walked away. Post moving from the spot my dad asked his friend about the strange behavior. Here is what he had to say "There is nothing i need to do about the damage because my insurance will cover it - there is nothing i need to say to him because he knows he is at fault - there is nothing that he can take from me because my soul is my most precious posession and that is not his to take, so by laughing through the incident I give him the freedom to vent his anger, while not letting it impact me also in most instances in the past they call me a "Mad Man" and walk away. You can see for yourself who is being mad the one laughing or the one using profanity and being animated about a small incedent."
ReplyDeleteI am inspired to practice this on the road from today, when someone breaks the rule, I will laugh it off rather than letting it get to me. I am not sure if laughing at someone when there is an accident will still help in todays world but I am sure it is worth a try when compared to loosing your temper.
Good story....thank you for sharing..
ReplyDeleteThanks for this article! Ravi.
ReplyDeleteI am going to put this to practice while driving...Will try to remain calm when someone breaks rules.
Cheers