Reflections on Relationships

As I sat down to meditate in the dimly lit room, I looked at the Linga Bhairavi picture. Her large eyes looked straight at me and were fiery...somewhat frightening...as though she was angry. Over the years, I have come to realize that whenever I smiled at her, she was smiling back. When I was sad, it appeared that she was sad too. When I was angry, it appeared that she was angry too. Whatever type of energy I gave out, I seemed to get back from her. She was reflecting my mood!!!

Likewise, in every aspect of life. What you give is what you get. If you sow happiness, peace, calm, truth, respect, love, you get back all of these and you get them back in abundance. If you sow anger, jealousy, hatred, lies, violence, you get back all of these and, I believe, in good measure too. So, you have to choose what you want. People call this Karma - the Universal Law of Cause and Effect - As you sow, so shall you reap.

I came across this story which is from Associated Press and reported by Kurt Westervelt. I must thank my good friend, Anoop Bakhtani, for forwarding this story to me.

On March 23, 1994 the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head. Mr. Opus had jumped from the top of a ten-story building intending to commit suicide. He left a note to the effect indicating his despondency. As he fell past the ninth floor his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast passing through a window, which killed him instantly. Neither the shooter nor the deceased was aware that a safety net had been installed just below the eighth floor level to protect some building workers and that Ronald Opus would not have been able to complete his suicide the way he had planned.

"Ordinarily," Dr Mills continued, "A person, who sets out to commit suicide and ultimately succeeds, even though the mechanism might not be what he intended, is still defined as committing suicide." That Mr. Opus was shot on the way to certain death, but probably would not have been successful because of the safety net, caused the medical examiner to feel that he had a homicide on his hands. The room on the ninth floor, where the shotgun blast emanated, was occupied by an elderly man and his wife. They were arguing vigorously and he was threatening her with a shotgun. The man was so upset that when he pulled the trigger he completely missed his wife and the pellets went through the window striking Mr. Opus.

When one intends to kill subject "A" but kills subject "B" in the attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject "B". When confronted with the murder charge the old man and his wife were both adamant and both said that they thought the shotgun was unloaded. The old man said it was a long-standing habit to threaten his wife with the unloaded shotgun. He had no intention to murder her. Therefore the killing of Mr. Opus appeared to be an accident; that is, if the gun had been accidentally loaded.

The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old couple's son loading the shotgun about six weeks prior to the fatal accident. It transpired that the old lady had cut off her son's financial support and the son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that his father would shoot his mother. Since the loader of the gun was aware of this, he was guilty of the murder even though he didn't actually pull the trigger.

The case now becomes one of murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus. Now comes the exquisite twist.

Further investigation revealed that the son was, in fact, Ronald Opus. He had become increasingly despondent over the failure of his attempt to engineer his mother's murder. This led him to jump off the ten-story building on March 23rd, only to be killed by a shotgun blast passing through the ninth story window.

The son had actually murdered himself, so the medical examiner closed the case as a suicide.

There are so many such stories. Bring this to the corporate world and you see the same everywhere. The people you meet on your way up are the same you meet on your way down. It is those relationships that you build that matters. It helps build trust and confidence in the long run at an individual level.

It has been over 3 years that I have moved out of active corporate life. It took me over a year to settle down to do what I wanted. However, I was not fully occupied. So, I decided to keep myself busy. As I was wondering what I should do, I felt that my key strengths were Leadership and Innovation. So, I decided to focus on Leadership Workshops initially and then, few months later, took up Workshops on Design Thinking. As I went about marketing my services, it was wonderful to see all my old friends come forward to help. They trusted that I would do a decent job and gave me assignments. Clearly, the time I had taken to build relationships was working for me now. As a dear friend put it, "It is Brand Ravi working for you now. Before long, the brand of the work that you do in this new avatar will take over."

When I look back, I believe that it is good Karma. As I close this post, I think of what Buddha says, "Be kind to all creatures. That is true religion."

The VUCA World - Who Cares

So much is talked of our world - that it is filled with Volatility, Uncertainty, Complexity and Ambiguity. Every time, one or more of the VUCA elements set in, there are opportunities waiting to be exploited.  So, I am not sure what worries us? In fact, we should be happy. This world is throwing so many opportunities at us and we are not using them.

All of us settle in to a comfort zone and just don't like to be disturbed. Any change that is likely (even remotely) to get us out of this comfort zone becomes a massive change and we struggle to accept this change. I am sure many of us who have lived in different cities and/or countries will vouch that each time we shifted, it was a huge task. Once we moved mentally, the physical move was a breeze. Many of us struggle to make this mental move and so, everything else becomes difficult. How many times have we searched for jobs in the city that we live in? We may not like the organization that we work for but we don't move till we get a better role/job in the same city - hopefully, closer home!!! And guess what, we have reasons for this - family, children's schooling (as though other places in the world don't have schools), and the like - I am sure you get the drift.

Recently, I talked to a Leadership group on the VUCA world. To me a VUCA world is a bundle of opportunities that we should welcome with both arms open rather than fear. This comes with years of conditioning that "change" is good. Look at the disruption happening around in this world. As the old order gives way to the new, some companies who still embrace the "old" are struggling while those who are riding the "new" wave are enjoying this change. One of the leaders commented that a lot of these changes are far away from India and would take few years to come. So, he still had time to sweat the assets that he had in the "old" wave. Whilst he was partially correct, I asked him as to what he is doing to re-skill his large organization as they will not be in a position to handle the new requirements. He responded that his teams have identified the "good" ones and are spending on their training and also investing on them to bring in the new wave. However, he planned to let go many others as they were unwilling to embrace the change. I asked him if it was easier to just re-train his staff rather than hire new ones because they were used to the culture of his organization, they were with him for years, etc. His response was that it was easier to buy out the skill sets by hiring instead of spending money on re-training those who just didn't want to get re-trained.

This is the crux of most of the VUCA issues. We don't want to move out of our comfort zones to re-skill ourselves. Over my career spanning 35 years, I have re-skilled myself over 10 times - once every 3 years!!! And, I expect this to become once every 2 years as technology becomes all pervasive. What made it easy for me to re-skill continuously? It was the ability to manage myself, read the needs of the market, prepare myself for change and actually change. 

So, it all starts with you!!! If you are ready to change, the VUCA world will actually mean nothing. All this talk of VUCA Leadership, etc all starts and ends with the individual. Manage yourself and you will manage the ever changing world around you. VUCA would then read as Velocity (or Vision), Unorthodoxy (or Understanding), Co-Creation (or Collaboration or Clarity) and Abundance (or Agility)....you will be in a position to decide how the acronym should read!!!

A dose of Empathy - helps design Life better

I had a placard in my room that read, "Please wear a smile while entering my space. It is part of the attire."  Most of us seem to have forgotten to smile. There is so much to smile for but we don't seem to appreciate that. We go through life with a long and serious face. I was wondering why this is so?

The spirit of giving, of being grateful for whatever we have, of just being cheerful and fun loving, of making a fool of yourself at times, at putting a smile in to the face of someone else, are all part of us. We need to just bring them out.

Why are only few able to bring it out? Empathy is the answer. Warren Buffet refers to the ovarian lottery. What he means is that if you are studying in a good school or college or your parents can afford to feed you, you are better off than 85% of the world. Would you trade your place for being born again? Most would not as the chances of being in the 85% is higher than the 15%. So, he recognises that those who have won the ovarian lottery should recognise that and do everything in their power to help those who have not. There will be some who have moved from the 85% to the 15%. These people will not only understand what it is to be in the 85% but also feel what it is to be in the 85%. So, they will definitely do their best to help the rest. This empathy is what will see the world go around with lesser and lesser of violence, terrorism, theft, murders, etc.

As Paul Parkin puts it beautifully, "Empathy is not about thinking that it is like a hat that we need to put on. Oh, someone is in distress, let me put on my empathy hat and punch in the empathy time. It is better that empathy is like the spectacles that we wear. It shapes the way we see things and connect to people and circumstances all the time. And when the other person also wears spectacles, the connection gets to the deepest level."

Bring it to the corporate world, and you will see empathy is now being seen as the key to all design principles - be that process, products, people related problems, customer problems, etc. Design Thinking focuses on empathy. Design Thinking knows that each one of us is born with the capability to empathize. However, it is left to us to cultivate it. Paul Parkin who did his research on empathy, put it beautifully - What is needed is the ability to observe a situation and forge communication that is inquisitive, non-judgemental, validating and compassionate. What this does is that it primarily changes us and the narrative that we end up having about others in ourselves. We look at others and the situations that they are, in the kindest way possible. 

If this world has to be a better place to live in, we need more and more of us to be empathetic. Unless, we find this aspect of our life, we will go through life without actually living it. As Dalai Lama puts it, "We need more humans to be kind rather than correct."

Leadership is about doing the right things....

When I brought her home, she was less than a foot tall and was few weeks old. Today, she stands tall at close to 40 feet and towers over our home…she is our favourite Christmas tree. Nobody expected her to grow this tall when we planted her in front of the house. We thought she would be around 15 to 20 feet and that was the height that we wanted so that we could get her properly decorated during Christmas, take a look at the top of her from our roof, etc. But, life wanted something else and she did the right thing by going with what life wanted – she grew to 40 feet and is still going strong!!!

Like this lovely Christmas tree, there are many who do the right thing…not just do things right. There are many who just want to do things right even if they are the wrong things. As I watched the debate in the Indian Parliament, I was surprised to see some young leaders from the current Opposition Party in India say things that I am sure even they would not stand by in private. Yes, of course, lots of things are said in the heat of the moment. Yes, of course, lots of things are said because you are in the opposition party. But, when it comes to what is best for the nation, there cannot be division along party lines. It should only be dictated by the conscience and true Leaders focus on doing what is right rather than doing things right.

Similarly, when it comes to the workplace, true leaders stand out when they stand up for what is right and do what is right by the organization and their team rather than getting things right. That is the difference between a leader and a manager. The manager focuses on doing things the right way whilst the leader focuses on doing the right thing.

What is right or wrong, depends on the circumstances of the case and will be subject to different opinions. That is why we find so many decisions trashed by people who take charge as leaders and say things that are uncharitable about their predecessor. They do not know the situation in which their predecessor was when s/he took that decision.

Many a time I have been asked as to why I took some decisions in favour of employees rather than the organization. I always held, and still do hold, the belief that Leaders should be kind rather than right. The person sitting in front of you is more important than the organization that both of you work for. Here, I have always felt that taking the side of the individual (not when the person has committed a crime or a fraud) over the corporation was the right thing to do. So much so that some of my HR Business Partners would call me a weak leader who did not have the courage to take those “tough” decisions. “So be it”, was my response always.

When the honey hunter in the Sundarbans stood in front of the hive filled with honey, he cut out only 75% of it. He could have been more efficient if he had cut the whole hive off. He then said a prayer and set off. He came back in to the jungles after few months to the same tree and found a full hive of honey!!! By leaving the 25%, he had brought the honey bees back to re-build the hive. He had been effective. Just imagine, searching for a new place in the whole jungle to figure out where the bees have set up their hive. He avoided that and saved considerable time. He did the right thing by leaving behind the 25%. He would have done things right if he had cut off 100% of the hive. In other words, he would have been efficient but not effective. Peter Drucker said this, “Efficiency is doing things right; effectiveness is doing the right thing.”

So many Akbars bring out the Krishna in all of us daily…

My friend, Venkat, was thankful as the bumpy ride in to Purulia District came to an end and his car stopped over at the Chargali Village (a remote location in the midst of nowhere!!!). He badly needed to step out of the Ambassador Car and stretch. With a population of around 2500, this village has a small school with around 150 children. eVidyaloka (www.evidyaloka.org), a not-for-profit social enterprise, has set up a Digital Classroom for remote education and works with around 90 of these children providing them with high quality schooling. Education that is carried along in the 3G networks from over 110 cities across the world to remote villages like Chargali.

Akbar Ansari is there to ensure that this school functions and children are all studying instead of working in the fields. He has influenced people and the government to set up this school and get in children to study. He is putting that society in to the digital and development orbit that they could not have otherwise imagined.

Chargali, is a story of hope and aspirations being delivered over 3G Networks – not just education. And Akbar is leaving no stone unturned to make this happen – literally, he is in the farm the whole day and then comes over to the school. To ensure safe keeping of the systems, he sleeps in the school itself.

As I tuned in to the English News Channels that evening, all channels seemed to be carrying news of someone taking objection to the way a lady had dressed herself as his religion, he said, didn’t permit this kind of dress. As I watched in absolute disbelief, I could not but remember how Akbar was working hard in Chargali to empower children of the new India. And, here was someone else on TV being divisive. And the fun was that the TV Channels were not giving air time to Akbar but to this other person!!!

I couldn’t help but think how two inventions of humankind were at work – first, the divisive lines of religion that has ripped apart humanity and secondly, the wires of data that are helping connect them back…time will tell whether better sense prevails or not…maybe, it is time for another Krishna or for the Krishna of our Collective Consciousness to surface. As this thought came to me, my friend messaged me the lyrics of the song Krishna Nee Begane Baro (sung by Hariharan of Colonial Cousins) – “Come back as Jesus, come back and save the world. Preserve the future of every boy and girl. Come back as Rama, forgive us for what we’ve done…Come back as Allah…Come back as anyone…Krishna Nee Begane Baro.”

Akbar and Venkat - two individuals separated by many rivers and mountains – one who wants to make a difference to the children of Chargali and the other who wants to make a difference to the children of India. Both, driven by a common goal – make this world a better place to live in!!!

It is people like Venkat and Akbar that bring out the Krishna/Allah/Jesus in all of us. As Venkat got in to the car to head back, he was lost in thought. His mind wandered to a quote he had read, “Sometimes, you find yourself in the middle of nowhere and, sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself.”

L&L

If you thought that L&L is a corporate short form like Johnson & Johnson, well, that is not correct...it stands for Love and Laughter. As I was walking to this mentoring session, I was wondering what is in store for me in this session. Every session with this individual had been a huge learning for me. This was someone who seemed to see the negatives in life. He somehow just saw conspiracies around him and I told him that if the start point in relationships was trust, there was no conspiracy. Somehow, after having been bitten so many times, he was struggling to start on the premise of trust.

So, I tried a different path with him - the path of love and laughter. You don't need to trust the person, but you can always wish the person that only good happens to her/him. For that to happen, only love and laughter were needed. Are we in a position to provide that love and laughter to everyone in our lives?

A difficult question and one that I struggle with many times. How can I bring myself to think that only good should happen to someone who has always wanted to trouble me in some way or the other? Someone who has been a thorn in my personal life or has played petty politics at office to ruin my reputation or has just been an absolute pain to see or live with or work with daily. And then it struck me - I am not doing this for him/her...I am doing this for myself. If you want happiness, love and laughter in your life, think only good things can happen to you and for others.

As someone said, "There is no better medicine than a good dose of love and laughter everyday." Doesn't mean you kind of wear a "Love and Laughter" hat and punch in some L&L time - it is how you live your life - what you speak, how you carry yourself, your thoughts, your mindset and everything about you - it should be positive not only for you but for everyone who comes in touch with you.

I tend to do this L&L in spurts. I tried this out for the first time in 1988 and somehow life changed for me. I did this again in 1992 and then in 1998....life changed significantly. Somehow, I have not been able to do this since then. But, it is inside each one of us and each one of us is capable of L&L - only that we do not choose to bring it out.

What was the impact on me when it was L&L time? I can remember the happiness around, the atmosphere was electric always and all around me were only positive thoughts. Life was not a bore - there was never a dull moment. Every moment seemed to send me a signal that there is a reason to smile. Most importantly, I was aware of all this. Just imagine your life being like this? And guess what - it is inside each of us - only that we choose not to opt for pressing the button!!!

We wake up everyday wanting it to be a great day. But within few minutes of waking up, we are surfing the news only to see how so many disagreeable things are happening around us in this world. So, the best thing would be to stop looking at your mobile or tablet or the TV in the morning. Focus on yourself, what you are going to do that day, get some exercise and meditation and get on with some reading that will make you a better individual. Start looking at the positive side of everything in life - I said everything!!! 

Yakov Smirnoff said, "I believe that love and laughter can only happen when one person takes the time to think about what would cause the other person to feel good. If love is the treasure, laughter is key."

I am trying to bring this practice back this year - we can each make 2017 the best year yet for us - go for L&L!!!

History books and pride in our country....

After 18 months of going on steroids for a skin virus, I was told that this virus would remain dormant and strike as and when required. It will be around for 25+ years. Every time it strikes, it will be the same steroids. The side effects of the steroids were not worth the trouble. I looked around for alternatives and was told that the old Indian Medicinal system, Ayurveda, had a solution. So, after 3 years, I decided to meet an Ayurvedic Doctor. He took a look at my skin, felt my pulse and wrote out his prescription. He asked me to pick up the medicines at the counter in his pharmacy. I did that. I meet him every 2 months and have never had an attack since then. Don’t mistake me….I am not against the allopathy form of medicine. This true story is to convey that I had not had the courage to try out the Indian version like many of us in India….I wondered why?

A look in to the history text books in India will be part of the answer. When I studied history in school in India, I read it from two really thick text books. A small part in the beginning taught us the Indus Valley Civilization and then some parts of recorded history like the Maurya Dynasty.  The balance of the books (around 80%-85% of the books) were on the successive invasion of India by various tribes from the North West. I learnt how India was annexed by successive rulers like the Ghazni, Ghori, the Slave Dynasty, the Mughals and then the British. I learnt how we were kicked around in succession by various countries. I learnt all this in a foreign language (English). I did not learn the language in which all our original texts were written up – Sanskrit. Over a period of time, I learnt to appreciate everything foreign from clothing, to food, to way of life and also medicine. Nothing wrong in any of this….but I did not know that there was an India before all this…and that it was an amazing civilization. I am not giving this as an excuse but this is a fact for most Indians today.

It was not just me but my dad and his dad had also learnt only parts of the amazing civilization that existed. We all thought and believed that our great epics were fiction (mythology) and all characters were fictitious. I grew up believing the same. The Indian History Texts (Puranaas) talked of the Maurya Dynasty and the ones after that and I believed that part because the Greek Historians also wrote about them. I didn’t believe anything else that the Puranaas wrote on and recorded and they had a lot before these periods. I always needed a foreign text or confirmation on a fact about India before I believed it. I had lost pride in everything Indian.

Oppenheimer’s response to a question on how he felt having exploded the first atomic bomb on earth was the eye opener. He said, “Not the first atomic bomb but the first one in modern history.”….he clearly believed that the description in Mahabharata given on a device that caused destruction all around was actually the first atomic bomb in recorded history. And then, suddenly, Mahabharata was no more just a story book or long poem written by some Sage Veda Vyasa. It became a reality.  Even today, many of my generation and the generation before that and all after my generation still believe that Ramayana and Mahabharata are mythology.

I believe that it is time to re-write our history books, to re-introduce Sanskrit as a compulsory language to learn and bring to life what we have been thinking as stories. There is now enough archaeological evidence that our great epics were a good representation of the happenings of those days. In typical Indian style they were written in verses and the interpretation could be varied. The inner meaning was understood by few and passed down by word of mouth. This was the mistake they made. Information was not democratized.

Many temples in South East Asia, Middle East (as far of as Lebanon where an ancient pyramid has been found with a lotus carved in it) have Indian Architectural influence. The Brihadeswara Temple in Tanjore has amongst its various carvings, one carving of a European King and one of a Chinese Emperor. How, such an accurate depiction was possible seems to baffle historians as movement across these countries started only in the 1300s as recorded by history. Similarly, the Shaolin Kung Fu style of Martial Art seems to have travelled from India to China. Not that some form of martial arts did not exist in China before that. However, the Shaolin Kung-Fu style seems to be influenced from the Indian Form that the Indian Monk Bodhidharma took from India. He seems to have worked with various Buddhist Monks to help translate Sanskrit Books of knowledge to Chinese. These are recorded in history as in the period somewhere between 380 and 500 CE (or AD)…no one seems to have an exact timeline.

The work done by Indians in the field of Maths, Astronomy, General and Spiritual Well-being (Yoga), Medicine, is there to be seen. Only that we have not learnt the language and we have quickly lost that history and they remain as names that we recall now and then and say that they are great. These are the scholars that need to be studied in our history. This is the history that we need in our books in India….this is the history that should be for most part of our books. The last 1000 years need to be studied too…but then that is only the last 1000 years in a history that spans thousands of years. It should only get that space it deserves – definitely not most of the text books that we study.

This is a serious topic and I believe that we should wake up and help our friends in the NCERT to re-write the history books to reflect accurately what a truly great nation we were and are. If you want pride in your nation, it is a must that you learn its fantastic history in the right manner and with an accurate version. We should not be a nation that will believe its history only when it is stated by a foreigner.

There is no need to be ashamed of our past. This is not saffronization as we are made to believe. This is the real history. So, let us wake up and re-write the books.