The Nervous Parent and the Confident Child

"Dad, I can handle this. Don't worry." I still remember saying this to my dad in 1984 as I left India. This was my first visit abroad and I was going to work for a chartered accounting firm. I was going away for a long time. He had come to Mumbai (from Bangalore) to send me off. I remember that it was his wedding anniversary but he had decided to come to Mumbai with me. My dad was clearly worried but I told him that I am old enough to handle this.

I was at the airport few days ago sending off my daughter to Mumbai...her first travel alone by air. Was I worried? A bit...But, then, I rewound to 1984 in my head and things settled down.  I was talking about this to a friend of mine who sent his daughter recently to the US. Her first travel alone. He told me how the connecting flight from London to Phoenix got delayed and had to land somewhere else. This meant she had to deplane, clear customs elsewhere, board another flight and reach Phoenix. Whenever she was confused, she used her smart-phone, got in to a video call with someone, cleared her doubts and made it through safely.

Is this a major problem in today's world? Absolutely not...technology has helped in a big way. However, we are all human beings...and as parents, there are anxieties despite all the technology and the assurances that our children give us. This is probably because in our mind's eye we find it difficult to see our little children grow to become adults. My mom says even today, "You may have grown up, but for me, you are still the little child."

 

I would like to take this parallel to the workplace. If people have worked with us for a long time, we find it difficult to imagine them having grown in the job and knowledge levels. So, despite us getting promoted or moving up, we struggle to see the next few levels growing up and being ready to take on more senior roles. That is why we see many leaders hiring from outside for senior positions instead of promoting from within. I have firmly believed that if a person is even 60-70% ready for a role, as leaders we should be able to take a punt and give him/her the role unless there are other issues.  We are prepared to take risks with someone who we have interviewed for an hour or more but not willing to do that with a person who has worked with us for years. This is because we know all the flaws and in our mind's eye this person has really not "grown". 

 

The other issue this behavior gives rise to is that leaders suddenly think themselves to be the "parent" equivalent. This can trigger off huge issues in an organization. I faced a situation where a team manager would land up for any social gathering individuals in his team called him to and at whatever time of day. I had heard of him turning up for weddings at 2 am!!!  However, his team felt that it was difficult working with him because he behaved like that "difficult dad" who you would dare not go against. I called him and coached him. He continued to struggle and so we had to take him out of the managerial role. However, given his domain knowledge we gave him a role of a subject matter expert. He enjoyed his new role and loved the interaction with the team, though not as its manager.

 

A leader clearly needs to avoid these pitfalls. What I have done is to measure myself on few parameters. How many of the roles falling vacant in my teams have been filled internally? Further, I have also tracked meticulously how many "Ready Now" successors we have created across all levels in the whole organization. In one of the organizations I led, we had reached a situation where we could fill a position falling vacant anywhere in the world within few hours. If we put in this rigour as leaders, we will end up with highly engaged teams.