Control

Just think about it...we all want our lives in control and like to use various tools and methods to get ourselves organized - calendars, watches, reminder systems, diaries, etc. We wake up, exercise, have food, watch TV, attend conference calls, go to office, return from office, pick and drop children, etc. all to fixed schedules. What happens if we miss the schedule - all hell breaks loose and our day comes to a standstill. But, just think about it - what really happens if we miss something...nothing...we just re-organize and get on with life. 

I am sure many of you have fallen ill sometimes and just could not get out of bed. So, what happened on those days - nothing really...you didn't have an inkling the previous evening that you would not be able to get out of bed the next day. But then, it happened and things just moved on. Someone else got things that you would normally do at work done and life moved on. The organization that you worked in did not shut down.

What happens if we die? For sometime there is chaos in the lives of our family members and then life moves on. Do we control time of death? We don't. So, if we don't know what is going to actually happen the next moment, what do we really control? Absolutely nothing!!!

So, why bother and freak yourself out on something that did not work to your plan? Most plans are just that - plans - and things will, more likely than not, never go to plan.  I learnt this lesson from my lovely wife. She plans but lives by the day. So, if there are changes, her first reaction would be, "Okay, things have changed. What do I do next?" There is no fuss or drama "why the heck did this have to happen" or "God, great way to start the day!!", etc. Typically, I would go haywire screaming profanities. Now, I have kind of mellowed down and started thinking "what next?" This has helped me in being lesser of a control freak and more of someone who is willing to take change in my stride.

It is cliche to say "death is the only certainty and that we can die anytime" and "change is the only constant"...but we go on in life on the assumption that is exactly the opposite. And if any of these happen, we tend to believe or think that all is lost.

So, how do we factor these in to our daily lives? Easier said than done. Changes to schedules, etc. are easier to handle than falling seriously ill or death. Both death and major illness have significant impact on lives of others around us. My dad's death was sudden and completely unexpected. It happened in less than 2 minutes and in the middle of the night. Everything was over in seconds. Life changed completely and every plan that we had laid out carefully went straight out of the window. I still remember - I felt lost for the first 24 hours and then knew that I had to take charge of the situation. I did just that and over the last 13 years after his death, have learnt to live without having him around. It was a huge change for my mom and everyone else in the family. At the end of the day, life had to go on and we did just that. My dad had some plans and had discussed that with me few months before he passed away. All those changed. 

So, coming back to what I said before, "What do we really control?" or can we ask the question as, "Do we control anything of significance or do we just believe that these are significant?" Actually, most things that are really significant to us is really not under our control.

I am reminded of a Tamil song which says (my translation is not the best) "you are not able to choose your time and date of your birth or death, your parents, your face at the time of birth...think about it..you can, however, choose how to live as long as you live. So, take charge of your life and be a winner. If we choose to live a life that has smiles, honesty, good habits of living and reduced greed, we tend to make the best of what we have instead of always craving for what we believe is the best in this world...that "best" is always elusive and our greed always pushes us towards another "best". 

I have seen how we try and control our level of happiness. In our struggle to make ends meet and live our daily lives, we miss the woods for the trees. We struggle on work-life balance and, typically, our balance tilts in favour of work. I have seen many families struggle with this and try and live a happy life despite all this. I remember a dialogue in the movie Bruce Almighty where God tells Bruce, "The happiest of men come home stinking to high heavens. They hang their problems in the doorstep and then walk in."

What I have seen work has always been few simple concepts - reduced greed levels, leaving behind worries of work at the Office and developing a habit of laughing with our families. Many of us have even forgotten how to smile. And guess what, we control our smile!!!