Outsourcing Karma and Parenting...

My wife and I were discussing as to why we willingly give away our wealth to children or part with it to our children but hesitate when we think of giving it to others or for other causes, however worthy the cause may be. My wife talked of the spiritual side of this. She told me that the souls of the parents are indebted to the souls of their children. That is why parents keep giving more than they receive from children. They give without a thought of whether they will receive anything from their children. This is also part of karma.

Parents not only give away wealth but their time in bringing up children. Driving them around to various classes, spending time to teach them, helping them with their school work, etc. All this is part of their karma as at the soul level they are indebted to the souls of their children.

It was the Dussehra Festival in India. A celebration of the triumph of Good over Evil. A nine-day festival. People travel across India to spend time with their families. Schools are generally closed for 2 weeks during that month. My wife and I had also closed our school and were looking forward to getting some rest. I got a call from someone who asked if we were going to conduct remedial math classes for other school children at our School. Without pausing she continued, “My son has scored poorly in the first term math exams. He needs to be helped. I am wondering if you would like to take math classes for him during these holidays and then continue with it afterwards. I am willing to pay the fees, whatever it may be.”

To me it sounded like, “Here, take all the money that you want and teach him maths.” Though her soul was indebted to her son’s soul and that she needed to spend time with him, she decided to replace that time with money and outsource her karma to our school. Some parents do not know what to do with children during holidays. They prefer that they are in some School doing some activity. Sounds familiar?? I am sure all of us have gone through this in some form or the other. We don’t mind handing over some of our responsibilities if someone else will take it.  We don’t mind paying for it. Karma is being outsourced!!!

More and more parents are finding it difficult to juggle between their careers and their personal lives. Most people working in cities are spending few hours on commute everyday apart from long hours at work. This just puts tremendous stress in their lives. Taking care of children has become difficult. They find it easier to just hand over their children to a School or a Day Care and be more of weekend parents.

The current factory model of schooling does not augur well for average to below average students. They get left behind in class. From a School's perspective it is not possible to have less than 35 children to a class. It is not economically viable. In India, real estate prices have sky rocketed. The cost of setting a school does not make it financially viable if the school has less than 35 students to a class. If there are less numbers, the fee to be collected shoots up significantly. Parents want the facilities, the best of teachers, etc. (and rightfully so) but do not want to pay for that. Given this situation, schools end up taking 35 to 40 children to a classroom. This does put pressure on teachers. Over 50% of the learning happens at home. Parents have to spend that time. Given the pressures they have at work, they are not able to spend time. Hence, they expect the school to be in charge of everything - from the academics of the child to her/his values to her/his sports program to her/his dance/music, etc.

Parents are, therefore, losing their status as role models for their children. In many cases they are becoming poor role models as they have outsourced value education to the School. While Value Education talks of various things to children, in actual life, they are witness to something that is different  - eg. it is fine to bribe to get out of trouble (if you have broken the law), it is fine to break a traffic rule; it is fine to tell a lie to get out of a situation (and now we have colours for lies - white lies meaning something that is not harmful), it is fine to keep your room untidy, it is fine to spend most of your time on a gadget rather than on a play field, it is fine to sit in front of a TV for hours together, and so on. This is because parents just do not have the time to spend with their children. Both of them need a career (and there is nothing wrong with this). But, then, we are making a conscious choice that quality time with children will be limited to none. The child now starts believing that this is the way the world works. 

Guess what happens when the child starts rebelling when s/he gets in to teens? The School is to blame. The School has not taught values, the school has not focused on academics, the school has taught the child poor habits and so s/he is more focused on gadgets and TV than books. Now we know that Karma is fully outsourced.

“Not only is there often a right and wrong, but what goes around does come around, Karma exists, chickens do come home to roost, and as my mother, Phyllis, liked to say, “There is always a day of reckoning.” The good among the great understand that every choice we make adds to the strength or weakness of our spirits—ourselves, or to use an old fashioned word for the same idea, our souls. That is every human’s life work: to construct an identity bit by bit, to walk a path step by step, to live a life that is worthy of something higher, lighter, more fulfilling, and maybe even everlasting.” ― Donald Van de Mark, The Good Among the Great: 19 Traits of the Most Admirable, Creative, and Joyous People

Take this to the workplace. Whether you do the work yourself or delegate it to your teams, you are accountable for the outcomes of the work done. In the event of an issue within your organization, would you go to the customer and say that it was a mistake made by one of your team members? Would you tell him that you cannot be held accountable for mistakes made by one your team members? When you delegate work, you still feel accountable. This is exactly the situation in a school too. Even though you delegate education to them, you are accountable for how well your children perform. At the end of the day, you are accountable for the values they have imbibed. If this is clear and you work towards this, you will see drastically different results with your child at home and with the customer at work.

What goes around definitely comes around. It is best that we understand that "we reap what we sow". We cannot outsource this. We are accountable for every action of ours even if that is outsourcing our parenting. When we look back, the time spent with our children and with people around us are all that live within us. The money we made, the success we had in our careers, etc. all pale into insignificance. Life is full of choices and come with their own consequences...so, are outsourcing our karma and parenting!!!