Wishes and Goals

I am basing this blog on 3 quotes that I have really liked. Antoine de Saint-Exupery said, "A goal without a plan is just a wish." Steve Maraboli said, “If you have a goal, write it down. If you do not write it down, you do not have a goal - you have a wish." Zig Ziglar said, “The great majority of people are “wandering generalities” rather than “meaningful specifics”. The fact is that you can't hit a target that you can't see. If you don't know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else. You have to have goals.” 

 

How many times have you said or heard others say, "I wish I could do that" or "I have always wanted to do that or be like that or..."  The difference between a "wish" and "goal" is the ability and the willingness to make it a reality. The courage of conviction and being steadfast in what you want done, converts our wishes to goals.  It should also be accompanied by a lot of discipline.

 

I notice that life changing events typically cause such wishes to become goals.  Many of us go around talking of why we need to lose weight and actually do very little about it other than putting down few more ice-creams every week. Till such time we get in to a health issue. Then, all of a sudden, things fall in place. Why does this happen? It is because we are faced with an adversity and in the face of adversity, the best comes out in us. The situation also pushes us in to a tight corner.  We begin to lose weight, feel fantastic, the health issue begins to fade and, lo and behold, we are back to our old ways. Why does this happen? In my opinion, absolute lack of discipline. We, of course, blame it on lousy work hours, travel, etc. However, we are not sure how we made it happen when it really had to be done.  It comes down to discipline.

 

A goal is a wish that can come true. A goal can have a plan, you can think through how to make it happen, you can put some timeline and it may take more or less time than you thought it would and finally, if you put in hard work, it may just come true.

 

What happens when a wish comes in another form?  These are opportunities. They come and they go. We have to recognize them and, if they are in line with our goals, we need to grab them with both our hands. I had written earlier that luck is opportunity meeting preparedness - the right person at the right time, at the right place, with the right attitude and the right level of preparedness.  A wish can become a goal when there is "luck".

 

As you will see, for a wish to become a goal, there is always lot of hard work necessary. Hard work does not happen by chance. It needs will power and this is what I would call discipline.  Without that discipline, it becomes impossible for a wish to turn in to a goal.  Or, in other words, action converts a wish in to a goal and needs a lot of hard work and discipline.

 

So, how do we bring about action and discipline. The first thing to do is to write down your wish - "I want to lose weight". Now, also put down the why..."I want to feel healthy", "I want to feel lively", "I want to be brisk", "I want to look and feel good", etc. Once you start writing it down and reading it daily, your sub-conscious mind takes it in. The minute it is in to your sub-conscious mind, it helps the conscious mind to focus on it and convert it in to action.  Have you observed women walking around in a shopping mall? You will notice that a mom seems to be interested and looking for children clothing, toys, etc. Others who are not moms are looking for accessories, new clothes, personal care items.  This is how the sub-conscious mind works.  So, you can train the sub-conscious mind to think the way you want and the best way to do that is to put things down in writing.  That is why Steve Maraboli would have said, "If you have a goal, write it down....."

 

Just by writing it down, can you turn all your wishes in to goals? Not really. You need to know what you can do and what you cannot. I am reminded of a mail I received from a friend of mine. She said, "I read this book in which this person meets the lady of his life after many years. He had thought this lady had died. I was imagining how happy he would have felt seeing her after so many years. How I wish my husband was alive."  By putting this wish down in writing, can she make this a goal and get her dead husband back?  As I know of it now, I don't believe so.  So, whilst you must write down your wishes to convert them to goals, you must also realize that they are attainable - some with lots of hard work and perseverance over many years.

 

I got a message on my mobile from a very old friend of mine. She wrote, "Ravi, I have achieved my goal of getting my son to pass 10th grade. His teachers and doctors never believed this could happen. I so badly wanted it to happen and, finally, after 3 years, it has become a reality." This was a son who is a slow child and was struggling his way through school. 3 years ago, she decided to go part time and spend half a day with her son so that she could get him to pass the 10th grade exams. She needed a full time job but decided that she will cut back on her expenses and do with a part time job so that she could focus on her son. His future was more important to her. He was then in 7th grade. After 3 years of some real hard work, perseverance and belief and faith that she could do it, she has finally achieved it. 3 years ago she told me, "How I wish I can get him to pass his 10th grade exams." Her wish has come true and this is because of action combined with discipline and hard work.

 

I responded to her, "For those who do not believe that God exists, this is a fantastic example of how He worked through you to make your son go through these exams and pass them. He is there in each one of us, but we do not recognize Him. He actually shows Himself in different ways. This time, he has chosen to reveal Himself through you."

Deciding on behalf of others

"Control your own destiny or someone else will", said Jack Welsh. Someone wrote that Karma (the word that stands for the law of cause and effect) is Negotiable. William Henley says, "I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul." We go about our lives believing that we decide for ourselves and do not let anyone take control of our lives. We also do not want to decide for others...it is such a pain to do that...and sometimes we have to do that...these guys for whom we have to sometimes decide for are losers...we just cannot believe that someone is letting us decide for them.

 

The day starts with a cup of tea - your spouse brought it for you. He/she had decided how much water and milk to put in to that cup of tea. You got ready to go to office and on your way grabbed the banana that was left on the table for you by your spouse. You made the choice of taking the banana because, honestly, there was no other choice. Between the pancake and the banana, the latter was a healthier choice.

 

As you reached the bus-stop, you said a quick hello to the few who travel with you in the same bus daily. Your day never started without them...of course, that was not your choice.  You got in to the bus and today, the bus is running 10 minutes late. You are upset but you have to choose the bus as it is economical. Wish you could take a taxi.  You are late, traffic has started building up and the bus driver suddenly decides to make up part of the lost time. He steps on the accelerator and the bus lunges forward. As the bus speeds on, you think that this fellow is driving dangerously. Gosh, but you are not in control of the bus. The bus speeds on and jumps a traffic light. The bus is stopped by a police officer for traffic violation and post all that you reach your destination - 20 minutes late. Today, you really wish that you were the bus driver. At least, you would not have over-sped and put the lives of so many people inside and outside the bus in danger. You would not have delayed the passengers further.

 

As you stepped out of the bus, God decided to take over. He sent a massive cloud above the city you live in and it started pouring. Before you knew it, you were drenched.  As you walked in to office soaked, your assistant gave you a towel to wipe yourself. Somehow, you have always wanted a white towel and she gives you the blue one.  As you wiped yourself dry, she brought you a nice, hot cup of tea. She always knew the exact ingredients and quantities to put in to make this lovely cup of tea.

 

As you sipped the hot cup of tea, you dialed in to the conference call for your first meeting of the day. These guys from all over the world had not agreed with your plan and you needed to take them through your plans and get them to agree with you. They called it "influencing skills" in your office. God, how you hated it. You just hoped you did not have to face all this bureaucracy.  Someone, sitting thousands of miles away, assumed he knew more about the markets you sell in. He had come up with such ridiculous sales policies.  There were so many things that you had to contend with before you could sell. Wish these so-called strategists and pricing experts just let you do your work in peace. And guess what...they tell you that you are aggressive and want to sell at all costs without taking in to account the company policies. That you should not decide on their behalf. You just don't believe it...you always thought that they were trying to decide on your behalf.

 

The day went on with such meetings...you trying to influence others and everyone else trying to influence you.  You felt everyone else in office was deciding on your behalf and many felt that you were deciding on theirs.

 

As you entered home, took a shower and sat down in front of the TV, you decided to watch football. Whilst you decided on watching football, you did that because this Cable TV provider had only 30 channels.  So, your choice was only from within these 30 channels.

 

As you sat down for dinner with your spouse, you reflected on the day that went by. In most of the situations, starting from how much water in your tea, to the speed of the bus, to the traffic violation, to the colour of the towel, to the policies in office, you had limited to no choice. Everyone else seemed to be making a decision on your behalf. And yet, we go through life wanting to be the master of our destinies. 

 

Actually, we seem to be doing a better job controlling others' destinies. I was reminded of various wars where few of us decide on behalf of the majority. These few decide on when and how to fight these wars, when and how we start these wars and when and how we use international mechanisms to send our own peace keeping forces after having started or participated from behind the scenes in these wars. We seem to be having at least 1 war going on somewhere in the world at any point in time. Did all these people impacted by these wars want the war? What if you are impacted by one of these wars directly? Are you fine with someone deciding on a war that impacts you and your family?

 

We believe that this is our life. That we need to manage our destinies. That we need to manage our careers. However, when you reflect on what happens around you in life, you will notice that there is very little in your destiny that you control. However, there is so much that you decide on behalf of others. This is the fact of our lives. We seem to decide on behalf of each other.