Leadership is everywhere....

When we generally ask the question of a gathering as to who thinks they are a leader, very few hands go up. This is because we see a leader as someone really successful or a politician who has made it or a very senior corporate person who is on top, etc. We tend to believe that leaders are those people who have seen it, done it all kind of people.

The flooding in South India over the last few weeks brought out leaders from real life. They were everywhere. From the person who swam in fast flowing water risking his life to save a family, to someone who cooked silently and fed few hundreds who needed food, to someone who gave his boat (read his source of livelihood) to rescue people, to someone who gave up his food package and went hungry for that night so that a younger child could eat, all of these people are leaders. They have shown leadership and it is for us to take a look and recognize them.

Yes, leadership is everywhere. It is within each of us. It is for us to recognize it, awaken it and let it flow. When you stood by your family member when s/he needed you, you were a leader. When you told the truth to your parent despite knowing that you would be chided, you were a leader. When you accepted and apologized for an error you made, you were a leader. When you kept your calm under fire, you were a leader. When you woke up to put your little brother to sleep so that your mom is not disturbed you were a leader. When you gave up your piece of bread to your little sister and waited for mom to come back with a few more pieces, you were a leader. Like this, there are thousands and thousands of examples of leadership that we see and experience in everyday life. However, we do not seem to acknowledge or appreciate them.

As John Maxwell says, "Leadership is not about titles, positions or flowcharts. It is about one life influencing another." When we look at our lives, for most part what happens to us is only a small part. How we react to or deal with what happens to us is what determines who we are. Our attitude defines leadership. Let us now bring this to our homes and to our work place.

When we show that we are dealing with a situation with calm and maturity, with speed and agility, with integrity and honesty, people start seeing us as role models. Such role models (whatever be their position in the organization) are the real leaders in the organization. They end up building informal networks, they are able to influence the way the organization thinks not because of the power of their position, but because people see them as someone who they can trust and would like to emulate. They may not always have their way, but in the end they are able to influence the organization significantly. I am sure each of you reading this blogpost is smiling because you already are thinking of someone who is like this or you yourself is such a person. At home, your family is watching you. If you are a person who walks the talk, who is transparent, who is filled with love, who has the time for the family, you are the role model.

When the floods in South India caused havoc, many people decided to help out the impacted. I was one of them. I sent out an appeal for contributions and few of us worked to organize storage, transport and then distribution to many flooded areas in Chennai. This exercise brought out leaders across the society. People travelled 2 hours to get relief material in to our central location in Bangalore. Something amazing happened when one person put out my request within his group. He is someone who is a Senior Manager in a large multinational in Bangalore. He organizes pilgrimages, prayer sessions and helps people without expecting anything in return. A mail from him to his friends brought in close to 5 tons of relief material. So many people just walked in to contribute. On the day we had to send the materials, we ended up with 7.5 tons. This had to be sorted and re-packed and loaded in to the truck. 25 people helped us do this...except for 4 of them, everyone else was volunteering. Each of these people did not know who the materials were going to. They knew that they could make a difference by volunteering, by contributing, by coming forward to help when it was needed. Leadership is not about winning. It is not about power. It is about the ability in each one of us to empower ourselves and others. 

As John Quincy Adams says, "When you inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader."

Outsourcing Karma and Parenting...

My wife and I were discussing as to why we willingly give away our wealth to children or part with it to our children but hesitate when we think of giving it to others or for other causes, however worthy the cause may be. My wife talked of the spiritual side of this. She told me that the souls of the parents are indebted to the souls of their children. That is why parents keep giving more than they receive from children. They give without a thought of whether they will receive anything from their children. This is also part of karma.

Parents not only give away wealth but their time in bringing up children. Driving them around to various classes, spending time to teach them, helping them with their school work, etc. All this is part of their karma as at the soul level they are indebted to the souls of their children.

It was the Dussehra Festival in India. A celebration of the triumph of Good over Evil. A nine-day festival. People travel across India to spend time with their families. Schools are generally closed for 2 weeks during that month. My wife and I had also closed our school and were looking forward to getting some rest. I got a call from someone who asked if we were going to conduct remedial math classes for other school children at our School. Without pausing she continued, “My son has scored poorly in the first term math exams. He needs to be helped. I am wondering if you would like to take math classes for him during these holidays and then continue with it afterwards. I am willing to pay the fees, whatever it may be.”

To me it sounded like, “Here, take all the money that you want and teach him maths.” Though her soul was indebted to her son’s soul and that she needed to spend time with him, she decided to replace that time with money and outsource her karma to our school. Some parents do not know what to do with children during holidays. They prefer that they are in some School doing some activity. Sounds familiar?? I am sure all of us have gone through this in some form or the other. We don’t mind handing over some of our responsibilities if someone else will take it.  We don’t mind paying for it. Karma is being outsourced!!!

More and more parents are finding it difficult to juggle between their careers and their personal lives. Most people working in cities are spending few hours on commute everyday apart from long hours at work. This just puts tremendous stress in their lives. Taking care of children has become difficult. They find it easier to just hand over their children to a School or a Day Care and be more of weekend parents.

The current factory model of schooling does not augur well for average to below average students. They get left behind in class. From a School's perspective it is not possible to have less than 35 children to a class. It is not economically viable. In India, real estate prices have sky rocketed. The cost of setting a school does not make it financially viable if the school has less than 35 students to a class. If there are less numbers, the fee to be collected shoots up significantly. Parents want the facilities, the best of teachers, etc. (and rightfully so) but do not want to pay for that. Given this situation, schools end up taking 35 to 40 children to a classroom. This does put pressure on teachers. Over 50% of the learning happens at home. Parents have to spend that time. Given the pressures they have at work, they are not able to spend time. Hence, they expect the school to be in charge of everything - from the academics of the child to her/his values to her/his sports program to her/his dance/music, etc.

Parents are, therefore, losing their status as role models for their children. In many cases they are becoming poor role models as they have outsourced value education to the School. While Value Education talks of various things to children, in actual life, they are witness to something that is different  - eg. it is fine to bribe to get out of trouble (if you have broken the law), it is fine to break a traffic rule; it is fine to tell a lie to get out of a situation (and now we have colours for lies - white lies meaning something that is not harmful), it is fine to keep your room untidy, it is fine to spend most of your time on a gadget rather than on a play field, it is fine to sit in front of a TV for hours together, and so on. This is because parents just do not have the time to spend with their children. Both of them need a career (and there is nothing wrong with this). But, then, we are making a conscious choice that quality time with children will be limited to none. The child now starts believing that this is the way the world works. 

Guess what happens when the child starts rebelling when s/he gets in to teens? The School is to blame. The School has not taught values, the school has not focused on academics, the school has taught the child poor habits and so s/he is more focused on gadgets and TV than books. Now we know that Karma is fully outsourced.

“Not only is there often a right and wrong, but what goes around does come around, Karma exists, chickens do come home to roost, and as my mother, Phyllis, liked to say, “There is always a day of reckoning.” The good among the great understand that every choice we make adds to the strength or weakness of our spirits—ourselves, or to use an old fashioned word for the same idea, our souls. That is every human’s life work: to construct an identity bit by bit, to walk a path step by step, to live a life that is worthy of something higher, lighter, more fulfilling, and maybe even everlasting.” ― Donald Van de Mark, The Good Among the Great: 19 Traits of the Most Admirable, Creative, and Joyous People

Take this to the workplace. Whether you do the work yourself or delegate it to your teams, you are accountable for the outcomes of the work done. In the event of an issue within your organization, would you go to the customer and say that it was a mistake made by one of your team members? Would you tell him that you cannot be held accountable for mistakes made by one your team members? When you delegate work, you still feel accountable. This is exactly the situation in a school too. Even though you delegate education to them, you are accountable for how well your children perform. At the end of the day, you are accountable for the values they have imbibed. If this is clear and you work towards this, you will see drastically different results with your child at home and with the customer at work.

What goes around definitely comes around. It is best that we understand that "we reap what we sow". We cannot outsource this. We are accountable for every action of ours even if that is outsourcing our parenting. When we look back, the time spent with our children and with people around us are all that live within us. The money we made, the success we had in our careers, etc. all pale into insignificance. Life is full of choices and come with their own consequences...so, are outsourcing our karma and parenting!!!

Deriving benefits from Generation Gaps in the workplace...

"If you are a Hotmail user, we will not hire you", said an advertisement. "These baby boomers are now leaders in various organizations and dont understand what the millennial want." I am sure you all have heard this. Personally, I believe that these gaps in generation exist but they have more benefits, if the diversity of the teams are leveraged properly.

It is true that generational gaps exist. This is because each generation is born in to a different context. In to a world that is quite different from the earlier generations. For my grand dad, having a fan in his house was a luxury. For my daughter, this will sound absurd as she was born in a house with fans and air conditioners. Similarly, with gadgets. When I was born, there were no computers in India. Today, children are born in to a world filled with gadgets that network the whole world.

Given the different environments and contexts that generations are born in to, the thought process will be different. How they view a particular situation will be different. How well they collaborate will be different. However, the innate fact that we are all human beings does not change. The same emotions run within all of us - whether a grand dad who was born in 1930s or a millennial.

From an organization perspective, it is essential to note few key things about all its employees:

a) Everyone wants to be treated with respect and as a human being;

b) Everyone wants to be seen as part of team and contributing to the organization;

c) Everyone would like to know how her/his work contributes to the end objectives of the organization; and

d) Everyone wants to be compensated fairly for her/his contribution.

This is true of all employees whether they belong to the baby boomer generation or a millennial. These basic aspects of managing employees have not changed and will probably never change. Every other aspect such as how one leverages technology to approach work, what are some of the drivers at work, etc. change based on the context in to which we are born.

I was sitting through a talk where an elderly lady was speaking to young high school children. She said, "You children have it very easy. You do not understand the value of money. You want your parents to buy you gadgets every year. In our days we needed to walk 5 kilometres to School crossing 2 streams along the way. When I went to college I had a bi-cycle. We lived in small houses that did not even have fans." She had lost the audience as they just could not relate to what she was saying. So what if she had to walk 5 kms to School? Their problems now included someone in class having a cooler gadget or the air-conditioner in the car not working or they having to come by bus because the car has gone for servicing, etc.

Let us bring this to the work place. I have heard people who are baby boomers say that a job is for a life time. You get in to a job and a company and that is it. You should not be looking at any other company. They talk of career being a rat race and dog eat dog but still say, in the same breath, that Collaboration is a must. It seemed to be a rat race because the generation then was focused on building personal financial capital. They saw the job as a means to doing that. It helped them own a new and larger house, pay for better schooling and expenses. So, the more the money, the better the living standards. Therefore, the job was critical and promotions in the job were even more critical. They fought tooth and nail to get promotions and many a time used unfair means. So, this was a rat race for them. Their grandchildren are now in a situation where they live in large houses and have a very good standard of living. Their objective in life is no more capital accumulation. It is more about getting excited at work every day. It is about working with others and doing things differently. The paradigm has shifted but our older friends still keep talking of dog eat dog. This is the generational gap and how it plays out.

As a Leader, I have found it useful to remember the four points that are mentioned above in this article and have used it to lead a team across 58 countries with an age range of 22 to 64. The principles given above worked really well across all age groups and across geographies. I noticed that attention was needed in the way we approached work from a technology perspective and from the perspective of what could motivate a particular age group. Though individual motivation was driven by the circumstances in which that particular individual was, we could come up with some general conclusions for each geography.

I also noticed that where we could combine generations in to projects, we got the best of few worlds. This is best described in the picture given. We not only looked at the baby boomers mentoring the millennials but also reverse mentoring. It worked wonders in driving an organization to move from an output driven one to an outcome driven one.

Yes, generational gaps do exist. They are because we are born and conditioned by the circumstances in which we grow up. This conditioning is very strong and though times change, our ability to change does not keep pace with changing times. The behavioural issues created by these gaps can go out of hand if we are not careful in handling situations. However, if we focus on the 4 aspects mentioned above and use a large dose of common sense, we can derive benefits from these gaps.

As I was picking flowers....

It had rained very heavily the previous night. The morning was cool and it was still dark. I went out to pick flowers. I had planted some flower bearing plants that had grown to 7 feet height and formed a barrier in front of my house. The plants, as I had said to myself while planting them years ago, would grow up to give me flowers and also filter the dust coming from the road in to the house. I thought that in return for doing this, I would water and nurture the plants daily. This was the deal that I had struck with the plants as I planted them.

Guess what...the plants neither needed my nurturing nor the water to grow. Even though I did this and also forgot to water them on few days, they got in alternate systems to source water and nourishment from under the ground and grew to be tall and sturdy.

As I picked the flowers today, my hands got really dirty. The dust and grime were what the plants were taking from the road and not allowing to get past in to the house. They had been doing their part of the bargain faithfully. As this thought crossed my mind, I was struck by something else. These plants had grown by themselves. They did not depend on me. They did not strike any bargain with me. They did not commit to me that they would stand there and protect my house from the dust and give me flowers. Yet, they did both of those and much more that I was not seeing or realizing. As far as these plants were concerned, there was no deal. This deal was only in my head. They stood there quietly, knew what was to be done to grow, knew when it was time to give flowers, took the dust on to themselves, gave away precious oxygen that human beings needed, gave food for insects, were a safe place for a cat to hide away her kitten till they grew up...and so much more. In all their stillness and calmness, they seemed to understand the reason for their existence. And, here I was, with the supposed 6th sense, trying to make a deal with these plants and most importantly, not knowing the reason for my existence.

Funny...and such is life. The so called smartest species does not know why it exists and all of the other so called dumb ones go about their lives knowing fully well what they need to do. Someone said that if all the insects in the world died, this planet would perish within 50 years. And, if all humans died, more species in this planets will survive in the next 50 years. So, not sure who are the smart ones.

Let us bring this concept to the work place. Just imagine working in an organization that does not know why it exists or the team that you work with not knowing why it exists and also why it does what it does. This is the Mission or Purpose Statement for Organizations or Teams. There are many organizations who believe they exist for some reason while they actually do for completely different reasons. It took a biscuit company decades to figure out that they were in the business of nutrition and not food. Not that they made poor quality biscuits because of that. However, its focus was on selling food items rather than good health to its customers. When the company realized this, it started off by selling biscuits fortified with vitamins and minerals. Their product lines are changing and the way they communicate to their customers and the public in general, has started changing. Most importantly, the employees now talk of nutrition instead of food.

Just think of the millions of people working in back offices of companies that have customers located thousands of miles away from their back offices. People working in these back-offices do not know who their customers are. They are given a process and told not to deviate - so, most of them know how to do the work but do not know why they are doing it. Just imagine a workforce not knowing why they actually are doing what they are doing on a day to day basis. How will they be able to relate the work that they are doing to the objectives of the organization? If they do not understand the big picture, we all know that their engagement levels will be lower.

There is so much damage caused if we do not understand the nature of our jobs and how it contributes to the organization.  What damage will all of us be doing to this world if we do not know why we were born and why we exist? This is the reality for most of us as we plod through life. There are many who find their calling in life and there are many more who just don't and die without ever having found out what was their true calling or why they came in to this world.

The best of leaders have always had an inspiring vision for their organization, have been able to communicate that vision effectively to the entire organization and made every member of their team understand how their work contributes to that vision.

Apart from making me understand the need for knowing why I existed, the plants were also trying to convey to me few other things regarding being contended in doing what comes naturally to me i.e. playing to my strengths. They gave away flowers, they gave away oxygen and they gave shade and protection. They were giving. For their existence and the support to the ecology, nature was working to ensure that the ground gave them the support to live.

So, if as humans, we knew why we were here and played our roles effectively, the world will work to ensure that we get what we need to live. The plants were telling me more now. Yes, they taught me how to live. They also were trying to convey to me that their needs were limited and could be received without paying any money.

As these thoughts went through me, I looked at these plants and asked questions to myself - What if I were to just be still as these plants (read as calmness inside me rather than physical stillness) and just be happy with what I am? Would it work? How are so many seekers in different parts of the world just happy being what they are and with minimum needs? Is this what is needed to be happy or contended? Was this happiness? 

The thoughts kept pushing me back to what Buddha said thousands of years ago. Let go of desires (maybe try and reduce them), let go of greed (again, maybe try and reduce it) and once we do that, we realize that happiness lies within each one of us. Any other kind of happiness seems to be transient. Similarly, being content resided in us. And it brings about a calmness inside that is all pervading. The plants had taught me so many lessons by their very existence.

Mid-Life Crisis, Stressors or whatever name you call it....

Fifteen years had gone by since their wedding and Kaya felt worthless. Despite balancing a full day job and doing all the household work, she felt that her husband and children did not appreciate the grind she was going through every day. The chores just didn't seem to let up. If she didn't do few things at home, they never seemed to get done. What were all the others doing at home?

It was around this time that she met someone in office who was willing to listen to her and talk to her about her true worth. Rithvik discussed various things with her openly - whether it was life, office politics, decisions at work, etc. He seemed to value her judgement. He saw her as more than just an employee or colleague. But, what she did not know was that he himself was not in great shape with his personal life. He felt that his wife was a nag. How much ever he had achieved at office, she just seemed to be comparing him to his boss and feeling unhappy. Her constant bickering seemed to get to him. So, despite him loving his kids, he preferred to be on travel or go out for office engagements in the evenings. His kids hardly saw him and, therefore, felt he was not a family man. They felt that their mother was sacrificing too much.

It started with small reasons for Kaya and Rithvik to meet up or call or have something to discuss. It would invariably start off as an office topic and then quickly move on to other things. As this became more often, their intimacy grew. They reached a stage where they were not sure if they wanted to leave their families and start off a new life between themselves.  The pressure of giving up kids was taking its toll. Kaya's husband somehow sensed that his wife was not normal. He tried talking to her about it and after a very long struggle she had a conversation with him. Yes, it was all about him and children not appreciating her and the hard work that she put in. They decided to visit a psychiatrist. He was known to be a healer and talked of healing at the soul level.

The psychiatrist spoke to Kaya, her husband and the children. He talked of looking at each other not at their physical level but at the soul level. He said that if love is about giving and not just receiving, then she should not be worried about the family doing nothing for her. This struck the right chord in Kaya - Love is about giving. And true love does not get tired of giving. But, whilst the words meant a lot to her, she did not know how to implement it in real life.

Kaya decided that this was a chance that God was giving to her. So, as per what the psychiatrist said, she started logging down all the work she did and also how she felt while doing that. It was a painful task. Apart from doing all the chores, she now had to maintain a log. The log was initially not very descriptive. But, as few weeks went by, she started detailing out how she felt. The logging down of her anger, resentment and bitterness actually went a long way in reducing these. The logging down also meant spending lesser and lesser time on the phone and slowly but painfully weaning away from Rithvik.

Few months went by and the psychiatrist asked her to read her log out to her family. Kaya's husband and children broke down when they heard her read out her feelings. They felt terrible that they were not participating in the life of their loved one and now started appreciating her feelings and what she was going through. Things were beginning to get better.

Rithvik, on the other hand, was struggling. He neither could get out of the thoughts of Kaya nor could he live at peace with his wife. He tried talking to her to tell her to be happy with what they had instead of aspiring to get something else or be someone else. He said that they should visit a psychiatrist. But, his wife refused. So, he went to the same psychiatrist as Kaya and the process of healing started. But, this time, it had to do with how he should approach his wife and children.

Years had gone by and things had settled down in both families but Rithvik's wife could not forgive him for having strayed away from her even though she now understood that she was the reason to a large extent. Kaya's husband was having the same struggle.

This story is real and I am sure many will be able to resonate with this. It need not be another partner who came in to our lives...it could be someone or something else. Maybe a Guru or a Friend or a Child or a Cause. And that person/thing seems to take centre stage in our lives. You could possibly be just a spectator as you saw it unfold in someone else's life. We call this the mid-life crisis and some call it mid-life stressors.  Things that stress us tremendously and, many a time, beyond repair. What we need to notice here, according to Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev of Isha Foundation, are - Human relationships are variable and not an absolute. Secondly, they cannot be built on what we expect someone else to be or do. They will be or do what they want and not what you want. Thirdly, your life is a whole in itself. Somehow, we bring in others and imagine that our life is not full without them. Sadhguru asks, "When you are on your death bed, please ask your partner to come along with you because you are frightened to be alone." He continues that you will wish that you had guessed the answer long ago and led your life on your terms.

The spiritual way of viewing this would be to look at and understand that each of us is a soul - not the body or the mind. This is deep philosophy and we struggle to come to terms with this because we see our bodies and experience our minds. We neither see nor experience our soul. We don't even know if it exists let alone trying to figure out what is the learning that it wants that it took this body and mind. But, never mind all these. Just experience the difference in how it will make you feel if you consider that all of this is happening because we are a soul and these issues that we are facing are for a learning purpose. The minute we do that, all lines that separate us as physical beings blur. We are able to send out positive energy signals out to everyone. This includes our family members. Even to all those family members who we think have wronged us. Over a period of time, the healing happens from within - first in ourselves and then in relation to the others. We forget the anger. We sometimes don't even know why we were angry and with whom. We realize that the anger was more on ourselves than on the other person. Our understanding leads us to realize that we are accountable for our thoughts and our emotions.

“Each person has to face this challenge – you must search inside yourself. The props – surroundings, interactions, rituals, customs and superstitions – are just palliatives. You have to achieve your balance on your own; it has to come from the self. Once you get there, you can afford the luxury of lavishing your life with the pleasures of your drifting journey.” ― Andre Averbug, The Drifting Self: a novella

If we cannot forgive ourselves and heal from within, there is no question of forgiving others. Once we heal from within, there is no need to forgive anyone else as we take full accountability for our thoughts and emotions.

The Path that your Child wants to Take...

When I saw my daughter as an extension, I had only instructions. When I saw her as an individual, we had conversations.

Parents always want the best for their children. So, there is no question of doubting their intent. But, many a time, enthusiasm gets the better of reason. So, as parents, we end up doing things that are not in the best interest of our children. Because I did not make it to the top Engineering College, I now want my child to make it there to study Engineering when s/he may not even be interested in a career in Science.

I must say that my dad gave all his children the option to study what we wanted. He just spoke to us on the importance of education and why it is better to get in to some of the better known colleges.  I never felt he was disappointed because I did not take the profession that he had. Not sure what would have happened if I had told him I want to be a footballer though.

The trouble starts when the parent sees that the child wants to take a profession that s/he feels will not make the child successful in life. And, of course, success is measured in terms of how much money s/he can make.

In India, many parents feel that if you study to become a doctor, engineer, chartered accountant, lawyer and few other such professions, you are fine. Else, the problem starts. I have met parents who are ashamed to say that their child is a singer, dancer, pot maker, farmer, security guard, courier delivery boy, plumber, driver, electrician, etc. Yet, over 90% of the people are not professionally qualified. They are happy with a degree or something lower and go about their lives. Yes, they may not make all the money, but they can live decently and with heads held high.

Don’t get me wrong. This article is not another one bashing money. In this world and age, there is a need for money as it gets you the things that you need for a comfortable living and also a feeling of security. It helps you pay for your child’s education. And based on where we live, different professions pay you different amounts of money. Such is life. However, we are born with certain intelligences. If we choose a profession that plays to our intelligence (or strength), we enjoy the work that we do. Does not mean we cannot choose another profession. But, we may not enjoy it as much. How many engineers or doctors became so out of their choice?

I was talking to a driver and he told me how he is finding it difficult to get married because not many wanted a husband who is a driver. I asked him as to what the problem was. He told me that it is not the amount of money that he makes. Educated girls (possibly degree holders) found it below their dignity to marry a driver. Most time, drivers are school drop outs in India. These girls do not want to marry an uneducated man. Added to that is the fact that they make lesser money. The fact that he is a very nice human being making a decent living is often overlooked. This holds equally good for women in low paid professions. There seems to be no premium for being a nice human being!!!

Money, social status, social acceptance, living comforts and such other external factors become the primary drivers for selection of a profession and not one that plays to the natural inclinations and strengths of the individual.

So, what happens when we are faced with this situation? Not an easy decision. But, if we remember the first sentence of this post that our children are not our extensions, it will go a long way in clearing our thoughts. It would be good to talk through all the options that the child has, her/his natural strengths and, therefore, what professions will be suitable. It would be good to get the child assessed for potential careers and let her/him choose one finally.

I got a call from a friend one day and he told me how his son wanted to play cricket and choose that as his career rather than continue studying beyond 12th Grade. He had spoken to his son few times but it had not worked. His son felt that if he made it to the top few in the Association that he played for, he stood a good chance to make it to the Indian Premier League (IPL) and that meant he was making enough money to manage. He wanted me to advice his son.

I had a meeting with his son and told him the various options he had in marketing, in cricket and in business management. I talked through the pros and cons of each of the options and what he had to do to make himself successful in all these options. I also made him articulate what are the risks related to each of these options. This got him thinking. Once he was clear he made his choice. I believe that this is a better way and it has worked for me quite a few times. Talk through the different options with your child, give time for things to sink in. Talk on working to an individual’s strengths and making a living versus doing something to make money and then spending some time on your real passion. Talk on the pros and cons…leave the decision to the child. These are decisions that the individual has to take by herself/himself. But, this is so tough when it comes to your child. If s/he wants to be security guard (and please don't mistake me as someone who thinks that the profession of a guard is below one’s dignity) and you believe that s/he could have made an amazing neuro surgeon making tons of money, the struggle is very high. However difficult, it is best for the child to make that decision.

I stood at the airport and waved goodbye to my daughter, as she started off a new path in her life. I felt a part of me was being ripped out. I felt choked as tears welled up in my eyes. It took me back 31 years – I saw myself comforting my dad. He had dropped me off at the airport. I was about to start a new life in a foreign land. I saw him choke up and did not understand it fully. Today, as I stood at the airport, I could hear him talking to me from the Heavens, “Son, this is exactly how I felt 31 years ago.” Yes, children are not our extensions, but somehow, life seems to intertwine us inextricably to them and as the bird prepares to fly out, we just struggle. That is love and life. Each one of us has a path and we must decide on that.

I will end with a quote from an unknown that I came across in family.com “Our challenge as parents and our privilege are to love the unfolding reality of our child, stage by stage and layer by layer.”

Taking Accountability for your emotional state....

As he strode purposefully in to office his colleagues looked at him and someone said, "He is aggressive in the workplace. He is able to push things through and make things happen. The only issue I see is his temper." He heard the comment of his colleague and turned around and said, "I am aggressive and yes, I have a bad temper. All these come as a package called me. I am, and therefore, I will be aggressive and bad tempered."

I was thinking of this statement. Just analyse the difference between "I am diabetic" and "I have diabetes". The first one gives out the state of mind that we recognize that we are diabetic and will remain so for the rest of our lives. The second one talks of us having diabetes but that is something that we can cure with certain precautions. That is the difference. Let us now put this in a different perspective - "I am angry" and "I have created anger in me". There is a huge difference in this. The first one says anger is a part of me and I will be like this and will not change. Pretty much like the leader who says that he comes as a package. The second sentence makes me take accountability for the anger in me. It was I who created that anger in me. So, if I can create it, I can also get rid of it.

People who are willing to change - be that their nature or their habits - are generally those who take more accountability for their actions.The use of appropriate words such as "I create anger in me" also creates within ourselves a sense of being accountable for our actions, deeds and thoughts. It is practising these words regularly that will create the difference over a period of time.

Just imagine if we can teach ourselves and our teams (at work) and our families and friends this concept. The more we start seeing ourselves as the creator of our emotions, the more stable we will become. We will not play victim. We will not justify our poor behaviour. We will take accountability for our emotional state and also the actions that follow from those states.

At the end of the day, we are sending out signals because of our emotional state. When we are in a positive frame of mind, we send out positive vibrations. The energy signals that we send out are positive. If we are negative, the energy signals that we send out are negative. As in many things in life, what we give is what we receive. A smile gets you back a smile. A frown gets back to you as a frown. Positive energy sent will mean positive energy is received.

So, what is this energy? I would say that anything that can invoke a reaction inside you. Take music for instance. It can trigger off amazing reactions inside us - either one of meditating on music, one of dancing to the tune or one of humming along enjoying the tune. Music, to me, is one of the best forms of energy.

A lot of time, we react to situations. Those situations and our reactions become the energy. If we are able to remain calm and consciously observe how our reactions happen in a day, we would be in better control of the situations that arise. This is easier said than done. I have been practising this for years to very little success. I used to react to every situation in a positive or negative way depending on the situation. Once I started observing my reactions, the negative reactions started coming down. However, despite the years having gone by, it is still not at the level that it should be. I can say that I am getting there, but there is clearly a long way to go. However, becoming aware of my emotional state has got me to react with more equanimity. This, in a way, is taking accountability for your reactions.

I am sure many of you will be able to relate to this story. I waited at the office for one of my colleagues to present to me the status on a project. As he came in, I felt that his body language was not great. The presentation got underway and the project was not going according to plan. On the contrary, it was heading towards becoming a disaster. He was one of my best performers but in this project, it appeared to me that he had taken his eye off the ball and was failing. This was a high profile project and we could not let it fail. So, as I worked through the details, it became apparent, that we had missed some critical aspects in the beginning and some of our assumptions were not correct. We had to make course corrections and it was immediate. After getting the course corrections done, I told him, "Looks like you have let me down on this one. Clearly, you have too much on your plate. I am moving this project to someone else." 

When I reflect on that day, I believe I should have been more careful in the choice of words. When we are disappointed or lose trust, it is what we feel or believe. It is not necessarily what the other person in whom we have lost trust believes. The concept of losing trust itself is a view point and one that is internal to us. If we look deeper, it is actually our disappointment with ourselves. We decide to trust that someone will do or not do something. If that person does not act in the way we want her/him to do, we end up getting disappointed and express it as losing trust. Why should someone act or behave in a way that we want them to do? 

If I had this clarity earlier, I would have had a different conversation with my colleague. Also, the fact that I told him that he let me down, showed that internally, I was not willing to take accountability for the project not going well. It is different that I went to my manager and told him that things were not going well on this project and that I will have it on track within the next 2 weeks and that I take accountability. But, deep down inside me, I had not really taken accountability.

This kind of behaviour is what creates stress in all of us. We say things to others that are not in consonance with what we are or how we feel. The minute we start aligning all these and become aware of changes to how we feel during the course of the day, we end up taking more accountability for our words, thoughts and actions.

I will end this blog with two lovely quotes - “You may believe that you are responsible for what you do, but not for what you think. The truth is that you are responsible for what you think, because it is only at this level that you can exercise choice. What you do comes from what you think." ― Marianne Williamson

“As for the journey of life; at some point you will realize that YOU are the driver and you will drive!” ― Steve Maraboli

Losing the Self

My friend was rushing to the hospital. His brother had called him to say that their dad had passed away and that the ward boys in the Government Hospital were asking for the body to be taken out immediately. As he reached the hospital almost an hour later, he went to the mortuary and his dad's body was placed outside on the ground and the hospital clothing on his body had moved due to the wind and his body lay exposed. My friend told me later, "His body lay there unattended. I turned around and could see the huge office compound opposite the mortuary. Those were the very corridors that he had walked like a king when he worked there. He was the absolute authority there. And, today, he lay here unattended." His face had a sad smile when he remembered the scene and he said, "I am not sure of our identity. Who are we? One minute we are striding the corridors of power and in the next we are gone and lying unattended outside a government hospital's mortuary not even covered properly. This is the irony of life."

We play many roles - child, sibling, parent, spouse, friend, employee, manager, leader, customer, supplier, etc. And, in a day, we play so many of them and some simultaneously. Most of the times, we are not ourselves. We are the roles that we play.

We make so many decisions that are for the good of others. Not ourselves. Some for our children, some for our spouses, some for our parents, some for our friends and colleagues and some for ourselves. If you look back and take stock, there will less of decisions that were for ourselves and more for others. And, still, people call us selfish!!! This is true for most of us in lives. How many of us have not taken a role that was a promotion because we would have had to move and that would have caused a disruption in schooling of kids or the jobs of our spouse, etc.? How many of us have given up a job because we wanted to focus on our children as they grew up? How many of us cannot recognize the face that we see daily in the mirror? How many of us have heard our friends say, "Are you the same friend I had in college? You were such a firebrand and my role model. What has happened to you now?" How many of us have lost the idealism that fired us up every morning when we attended college or the first few years at work?

I had conducted a workshop in India with ageing parents and they complained bitterly on how their children were asking them to move out of their home town or the place they lived because they were either getting transferred or moving jobs. Most of them opined that for few extra rupees their children were uprooting everything and moving away. An hour in to the conversation, I asked them as to how many of them had transferable jobs, had moved jobs, had left their home towns, lived away from their parents, etc. Over 80% of them had. I asked them then why were they now asking their children to give up opportunities in their careers just because they (the parents) did not want to move? I asked them as to why they were not moving in to old age homes with full facilities (as these are now available in India) instead of complaining? Neither did they want to move to an old age home (somehow it is seen as a taboo in India - that their children have abandoned them) nor did they want to move out of the places they lived in currently. I asked them if they were not being selfish and not letting their children live their lives the way they (their children) wanted.

Given all these pulls and pushes, we try and find ways and means to satisfy as many and in the process, lose the self in us. Many a time, we are unhappy with the way life is because, for example, we gave up our job/career for our child. There is nothing wrong in doing all this, but it cannot come at the cost of our happiness. If we decide to find happiness in our decisions, then, nothing seems right or wrong. It is only right or wrong for that individual and that too at that point in time.

So, what should we do to not lose the self in all this and yet be someone who is not selfish? It comes down to ensuring that we have time to ourselves every day for reflection, relaxation, exercising, indulgence, etc. It comes down to respecting our own feelings and having open and honest conversations about them with our family and friends. It comes down to taking difficult decisions on various aspects of life that may not be what some in your family want. Easier said than done is what most of you reading this post must be thinking. I will share with you as to what has worked for me. It is discipline, confidence and honesty. We need to set apart time for some exercising, reflections of the previous day or what you want to get done today, sipping a cup of lemon tea,...preferably, all of them!!! What has also worked is having those honest conversations. Even if things have not gone my way all the time, it has always worked out where conversations have been honest and reconciliations are done. It is  essential that we do not lose confidence in ourselves in the process.

Honest conversations are essential. If we do not do this, we do ourselves and the people with us (family and friends) a huge disservice. It is such conversations (though extremely difficult at times because of emotions involved) that will help us from losing ourselves and others around us. If we cannot be true to ourselves and our family, who else can we be true to? At such difficult situations, I have found it better to tear away the mask that I wear and be honest and open.

Such is life. Many a time, we need to search hard to find ourselves. “There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.” ― Nelson Mandela

Leaders take risks

My Chief Operations Officer (COO) walked in to my office one day and said, "We have a situation. There seems to be a systematic credit card fraud possibly happening with small amounts being drawn daily. We are not sure yet and need to investigate. However, we need to stop possible losses and so need to stop certain types of transactions with immediate effect."  Sounds familiar to you? As a Leader you are in a situation where you need to take a decision but do not have all the information to do that. You could take a decision that could adversely impact business and guess what, it could be a wrong decision. 

This is what leaders face everyday. They need to decide without all information or data on hand. This is a risk. Not taking a decision is, in itself, a decision and, therefore, does not reduce the risk.

Many a time, we take decisions that go wrong. We end up facing the consequences and over years we start becoming risk averse. While organizations keep telling us that a vital ingredient of leadership is the ability to take risks, there is very little tolerance for errors in judgement. So, leaders become risk averse over time and some even reach a stage where they just don't take risks. This puts them, the organization and the employees at a greater risk because normal decisions that should have been taken, just don't get taken.

The previous Indian Government is a classic example. Stung by criticisms and asks for resignation due to so many scams that erupted, the government machinery just came to a grinding halt. During the last 3 years, absolutely no decision was taken. The ruling party got hit so badly that as they started campaigning during election time, we saw the same defensiveness and inability to take even calculated risks. The result was that they lost very badly.

I was staring at the new contract that we had signed up for a back office operation. It was a marquee account but if we didn't change our operating model, we were not going to make money out of it. I had called for a meeting of key leaders and we looked at the contract and worked on different options. What came out clearly was that we had to look at a totally different operating model for this account. A model that we had not tried before and were not sure will deliver what we wanted. Given the unknowns, we were also worried whether the quality of service delivery will be as good as what it was. So, the risk was one of damaging a great reputation that we had built over the years. As I thought through the pros and cons, it became increasingly evident that if we ever needed to make a profit out of this contract, we needed to change the model and we could take a calculated risk. So, I spoke to my operations manager, HR and my immediate manager. I told them that I was willing to go ahead with adopting a new model given that was the best for the organization at that point in time. I pushed on and we went through with changing our operating model. It became a huge success and became the model for some of our other contracts too. It was not an easy decision and making it happen also was not easy. However, with team work, we managed to pull through successfully with the model.

Sometimes, our decisions go well and sometimes they just backfire. If we are able to get 80% of our decisions right and limit the damage on the other 20%, we come through as successful leaders. No leader has reached a position of leadership and stayed there without taking risks. It is how the leader continues to take those risks and take decisions in the best interest of the organization that matters. Most importantly, leaders must be able to live down their errors of judgement and move on. If they are stuck at a wrong decision, life comes to a standstill and does not do good to anyone, especially, the leader.

So, let us be that leader that takes risks understanding fully well that there are consequences to wrong decisions. Not taking a decision is also a decision and carries with it far more risks!!!

Aham Brahmaasmi - The Creator is the Destroyer

A blog that I published earlier on Linked In

The manager spoke and the team listened with rapt attention. She was a fantastic orator. She conveyed what she had to in few words and most of the time it hit home. They all knew that the organization held her in high esteem as they did too.

It was late evening but he was still at work. His manager had told him to stay back as she wanted to meet him after her team meeting. He knew it would be late in the evening before she came back from the meeting. But, something in her voice made him realize that it would be a career limiting move if he asked to re-schedule the meeting. So, he waited patiently.

He had started his career with the company twenty two years ago. He had enjoyed his stint here till this new manager came in to his life a year back. Over the years he had learnt to navigate the company well, survive the various changes and manage to turn in a decent performance year after year. His teams had liked his approach to work. He was an expert in his field. There was none within his organization who knew the job as well as he did.

This expertise was gained over years of reading and working in the field. He knew very little else apart from this field. He liked the work and the field of expertise. However, very few companies needed a skill like what he had. So, to a large extent he had limited career choices. Given that, he had carefully avoided passing on all knowledge to his team members. He had set up the team in a way where no single person would get the entire knowledge. He did not rotate roles in a hurry. So, many people had quietly moved on from their roles and did not want to work in the team.

This new manager of his had latched on to this. She was pushing him to cross train his team. She was pushing him to create few successors. The opening of the door brought him back from his thoughts as she walked in. She quickly greeted him, sat down and took few gulps of water. She was looking a bit tired but quickly got in to the groove. “What’s happened to our previous discussion? I had asked you to create few successors.” He responded stating that he was doing so but given the complexity of the job, the technical nature of the role and the relative inexperience of his team, it would take some more time. “How much more time?” she asked. He hesitatingly said that it would take few years. She lost it and screamed, “Do you know that you have now become a blocker for your team members? Top talent do not want to work for you because they do not see a career path. You have not grown for years now and seem to be contented with it. This has become a problem for the organization. I will give you six more months and if I don’t see a successor I have decided to bite the bullet and replace you.”

Many a time we create situations like this in our lives. Knowingly or unknowingly, we become blockers in the organization. We don’t re-skill ourselves so that we can stay relevant. We refuse to see the shifting sands. As a good leader or manager, your job is to de-risk the organization and ensure that you stay relevant.

He felt as if the earth under him was moving. He just could not imagine a life where he did not have a job. He needed a job to keep the kitchen fires burning. He was in a state of panic. Coming from a manager who had the support of the senior leaders in the organization, he knew that he didn’t stand much of a chance trying to argue. He looked at her once again and she looked like an angry Indian Goddess with various arms and with a weapon in each one. She was ready to kill. She could determine his life. His survival strategy by not creating his successor and specializing in only one area (at the cost of the organization) was working against him now. Suddenly, she had become the creator “Brahma” and as she continued speaking all he heard was, “Aham Brahmaasmi” (Translated as I am the Brahman or I am God - The Creator is also the Destroyer – The God who determines your life).

A Positive Attitude is all that you need….

He jet set the world working for the Government and bringing about changes to the country during the 1960s. He then moved to the corporate sector and did the same during the 1970s till the 1990s. He was one of the busiest and active persons that I had met in my life. By early 2000s his wife was diagnosed with dementia and she started forgetting incidents and people in her life. He stopped everything and was fully focused on his wife. As age caught up, he was not able to drive around in the Indian Traffic and so decided to move to an old age home in the outskirts of another city. The new place had a nice house he could stay in with his wife and a caretaker. The Old Age Home had catering facilities and medical facilities. All these were needed for him so that he could focus his time on his wife. He is in his late 80s and married for 60+ years. His wife is close to 80 years.

I visited him few months back. I expected that I would see someone a bit depressed given his illustrious past. Out came a “young man” dressed in a colourful t-shirt and shorts and carrying a tablet phone. He wished me and was actually in great cheer. He told me how happy he was to see my wife and me. He then took me to see his wife. She was bed ridden. He would sit by her most of the day. As we got talking, he asked how everyone was at home and he remembered everyone by name.

Then I got to know how he spent his day. He had a detailed diary of what he wanted to get achieved for the day and how he went about it. It was completely focused on what he wanted to get done for his wife. He talked of how he had tried to make her walk. He would go one day at a time. For example, today would be for her to take 5 steps forward. He would encourage her to take that step and go for those 5 steps – step by step. And he had written that down. Every aspect of what he did was documented – her weight, blood pressure, pulse, etc. In short, he was totally immersed in her progress and was actively participating in it.

I did not see a bit of fatigue in him. When I asked why, he said, “Why would I feel tired when I do something that I love and for someone who I love so much?” This love had created a positive attitude in him. That kept him going and with such a cheer that I had not seen or experienced in my life.

Many a time we wonder why are we doing whatever we are doing? Our jobs do not satisfy us. The environment is not what we want. We have differences of opinion with our boss and wonder who made her/him a boss in the first place!!!! All this is a manifestation of how we are reacting to a given situation. We are happy or sad not because a situation has made us happy or sad but because we have decided to take it that way. If we decide to have a positive attitude, then, any situation can be handled. We need to have that confidence in ourselves. We don’t need to search for happiness outside…it is very much inside each one of us and depends completely on the positive attitude that we have towards life. Happiness is a choice!!!

The Race

A blog that I published earlier on Linked In

The stadium was noisy but not full. I could see my family. I was on the track with my bicycle. The referee started giving instructions but I was busy wearing my gear and making final preparations to start off, that I didn't pay attention. I had cycled around this track few times. The organizers had said that they would have something completely different. But, I did not see anything different that day.

The whistle blew and I was first off like a flash. I had left the rest of the participants way behind as I completed the first round and the second. I knew there would be someone to wave the checkered flag to tell me that the race was over. Along the way, I saw my family waving out to me and I waved back. The other participants were just too slow for me. Few rounds and I thought I saw the checkered flag and so stopped at the finish line.

My wife and kids had come closer to the finish line. I was shocked to see them. It was as if they had all grown older. When I started the race, my first child was 5 years old and my second one was 2. They looked as if they were 20 and 17 when I got back. Was something wrong with me? My wife looked older too.

I commented, "I can't understand why these other guys are going so slow? They seem to be more focused on balance, a smile on their face and going slow. Not sure why these organizers have allowed their families to be with them on to the track? Is this the difference they were promising?" Without waiting for a response from my wife, I continued, "Guess what, I fell down few times, got hurt, had to rest as my heart pounded too fast at times and my body is aching all over and I have some chest pain. I need rest and maybe need to go to the doctor."

As I was being rushed to the hospital, my wife said, "Wake up please. The organizers announced that this was a slow cycle race. We were frantically waving at you to read the banner that was up. You didn't pay attention to us. The person who finishes last wins. The person who is happy, has inner peace, has time for his family, etc. wins. It is not about coming first, going fast, not seeing our children grow and spending no time with family. It is definitely not about losing your health in pursuit of that elusive thing called success or winning."

I was jolted out of my slumber. I had run the race wrong. My children had grown older and I had missed not only their childhood but also their teens. I was not by my wife when she struggled to bring up our children. I was not by her when she went through her daily struggles. We were poor people living in the largest mansion. We had all the gadgets that we wanted. We could buy the most expensive of clothes and food. But, we had never found time to sit down as a family and have a meal together. I had spent so much time on conference calls and in the office.

I looked around a bit dazed as I came out of the hospital. The doctors told me that I had a heart problem and high blood pressure. The cholesterol levels were high. I needed to be careful or else it would result in a heart attack. I needed to watch my weight and put more focus on physical fitness. I was advised to slow down and reduce stress levels.

I woke up early in the morning and in all earnestness started my brisk walk. My wife accompanied me. Few minutes in to the walk, we fell silent. There were no common topics of interest and I could not hold a conversation for more than few minutes. It was then that I realized that we had drifted apart mentally and what held us together was the old love and our children. I decided to start working on our relationship. This was the most important relationship in life and there was no way I was going to let go. That walk was the start of a relationship building with one of my oldest friends with whom I had spent years and, now realized, understood little.

I got on to the cycle again. This time, I was more focused on balance and not speed. My wife and children came along with me. I had the old smile (that I always felt was part of my attire) back again. The smile came from within my soul. As I started to pedal, I saw few cycles whiz past me. All I could see were smirks on the riders' faces as they looked at me and wondered why I was cycling so slow and was on the tracks with my family holding my bike!!!. 

The Path - Part 2

Please read my earlier post - The Path - before reading this post  (http://ravi4corners.blogspot.in/2014/12/the-path.html). In this post the word "I" has been used more for ease of writing - it could be read as "You", "We", "S/he". 

I turned around from the temple and walked back. I began a new journey in the same path again. It was very dark and there were no lights. I was not carrying my mobile and so could not switch it on for light. There was a gentle breeze and it brought Belief with it. As I let Belief in, I realized that there was enough light inside me to light up my path and I did just that. It reminded me of what the South Indian Cinema Hero, Superstar Rajnikanth said, "En vazhi, thani vazhi" - translated as "My journey/path is a unique one"...Yes, everyone's journey is unique and only you have to decide it.

As I walked down the path, I was a totally different person. I had always believed that this body and mind was me and that it was there to experience this world around me. When I realized that I am not this body or the mind, I became a different vehicle altogether. A vehicle that included everything and everybody. A vehicle that let me understand that I was part of everything and everybody. A vehicle that lets the gentle breeze of belief in, that shines forth light and that steers through storms. I realized that this new me was going to make a totally different journey this time. Suddenly, all my past journeys in this path flashed in front of my eyes. I could see and remember every journey that I had taken on this path. I could remember and understand all the learnings from the various journeys that I had taken in this path. It was as though I had been on this path hundreds of times. The path became clear, there was no need for light and I seemed to know every nook and cranny.

In all my earlier journeys I had veered from the extreme left to the extreme right of the path. All of these were to ensure that the slush in the path does not dirty my trousers. This time I realized that I was in the stone and in the slush. That my trousers could not get dirty as I was in everything and everything was in me. So, I walked the middle path led by Belief. The path seemed different. I could see millions of other people in their journey. Funny, I had not noticed so many of them earlier. I was touching so many of them and they were touching me. I was talking to them along the way and some liked what I said and were in awe whilst the others moved on.  The different temples that I visited gave me different points of views and the learning was immense.

As I continued on the path, it took me to a garden. I had never seen this in my previous journeys. It was filled with flowers. Each flower seemed to have a word written on it. I bent down to read the words - I could find love, hate, truth, untruth, like, dislike, shallow, deep, God, Devil, good, bad...and the list continued. I looked at all the flowers. They were beautiful individually. However, I decided to sow a seed in the midst of them all. So, I selected a spot and searched for the packet in my bag. I found it. As I pulled out the packet to take out the seed, I saw the word "Belief" written on the packet. So, I took out the seed Belief and sowed it in the spot I selected. I am not sure how long it took to sprout...it seemed a long time. When it did, out came a beautiful plant with a flower. All of a sudden, all the other flowers circled around this flower and became a beautiful composite flower. Belief had brought love, hate, truth, untruth, like, dislike, shallow, deep, God, Devil, good, bad and all the other flowers together. It was one huge composite flower. It was then that I realized that each human being is like this composite flower. We are made up of these smaller flowers. We have everything in us. What we become, depends on what we decide to nurture and how we convert that in to action.

I was reminded of a story. One evening, an old man told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said "My son, the battle is between two 'wolves' inside us all. One is evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego. The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."  The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?" The old man simply replied, "the one that you feed".

During this journey, I had decided to feed the good wolf, convert my deeds to be constructive and sow the seed of Belief. When there was light outside, I enjoyed the journey. When it was dark outside, I decided to let the light from within shine forth. I had begun to understand that the light outside is because of the light from within. This new journey filled me with ecstasy and bliss…not just happiness. This is the bliss that I was trying to share with everyone I touched.

Time seemed too short for me to reach everyone in this journey. Somehow, I knew that there were and would be others who would take a similar journey in this path. As I turned the corner, I suddenly saw a bright light. It welcomed me with a wide smile and with arms open. I stopped and looked at the light. I turned around to look at the path and could not see one. I saw a temple had come up right behind me and blocked my view of the path. I turned back confused. The light gestured to me to look beyond the temple to see the path. But I could not find it. I decided to peer in to the temple that had come up so suddenly behind me and without my knowledge. As I peered in I was shocked to see an idol of me and many bowing down to pray.  I came out of the temple and the light was already there waiting for me with a large smile. It gave me a real warm hug as I dissolved in to it.