The Nervous Parent and the Confident Child

"Dad, I can handle this. Don't worry." I still remember saying this to my dad in 1984 as I left India. This was my first visit abroad and I was going to work for a chartered accounting firm. I was going away for a long time. He had come to Mumbai (from Bangalore) to send me off. I remember that it was his wedding anniversary but he had decided to come to Mumbai with me. My dad was clearly worried but I told him that I am old enough to handle this.

I was at the airport few days ago sending off my daughter to Mumbai...her first travel alone by air. Was I worried? A bit...But, then, I rewound to 1984 in my head and things settled down.  I was talking about this to a friend of mine who sent his daughter recently to the US. Her first travel alone. He told me how the connecting flight from London to Phoenix got delayed and had to land somewhere else. This meant she had to deplane, clear customs elsewhere, board another flight and reach Phoenix. Whenever she was confused, she used her smart-phone, got in to a video call with someone, cleared her doubts and made it through safely.

Is this a major problem in today's world? Absolutely not...technology has helped in a big way. However, we are all human beings...and as parents, there are anxieties despite all the technology and the assurances that our children give us. This is probably because in our mind's eye we find it difficult to see our little children grow to become adults. My mom says even today, "You may have grown up, but for me, you are still the little child."

 

I would like to take this parallel to the workplace. If people have worked with us for a long time, we find it difficult to imagine them having grown in the job and knowledge levels. So, despite us getting promoted or moving up, we struggle to see the next few levels growing up and being ready to take on more senior roles. That is why we see many leaders hiring from outside for senior positions instead of promoting from within. I have firmly believed that if a person is even 60-70% ready for a role, as leaders we should be able to take a punt and give him/her the role unless there are other issues.  We are prepared to take risks with someone who we have interviewed for an hour or more but not willing to do that with a person who has worked with us for years. This is because we know all the flaws and in our mind's eye this person has really not "grown". 

 

The other issue this behavior gives rise to is that leaders suddenly think themselves to be the "parent" equivalent. This can trigger off huge issues in an organization. I faced a situation where a team manager would land up for any social gathering individuals in his team called him to and at whatever time of day. I had heard of him turning up for weddings at 2 am!!!  However, his team felt that it was difficult working with him because he behaved like that "difficult dad" who you would dare not go against. I called him and coached him. He continued to struggle and so we had to take him out of the managerial role. However, given his domain knowledge we gave him a role of a subject matter expert. He enjoyed his new role and loved the interaction with the team, though not as its manager.

 

A leader clearly needs to avoid these pitfalls. What I have done is to measure myself on few parameters. How many of the roles falling vacant in my teams have been filled internally? Further, I have also tracked meticulously how many "Ready Now" successors we have created across all levels in the whole organization. In one of the organizations I led, we had reached a situation where we could fill a position falling vacant anywhere in the world within few hours. If we put in this rigour as leaders, we will end up with highly engaged teams.

The King is dead....Long live the King!!!

When I was in school we played inter school tournaments in various sports. The winning school would get a large trophy which they could keep for a year. The next year, the trophy went to the school that won the tournament. I asked our Coach one day, "Why cant they give a new trophy every year so that the School gets to keep it forever?" The coach told me how expensive it was to make a trophy and that's why it is handed from school to school every year. He told me something else that I remember to this day, "Ravi, the trophy is like a revolving chair. You are sitting on it now and when someone else wins, you are out and that person is sitting on the chair. It is like an old king dying and a new king taking over...The King is dead...long live the King!!!"

At work, we find leaders face this problem. They confuse themselves to be that chair rather than the person sitting on it. This results in them not knowing how to get out of the chair. It is essential not to confuse our individual self with the position that we occupy.

Over the years, I have managed to move away from getting confused on this aspect. But it took me a while. When it did happen, it was a wonderful feeling. It was like watching yourself at work as an outsider. It gave me a sense that I term as "detached attachment". I would be laser sharp focused on the job. However, I was never stuck to it. Till I had the job, I would give better than my best to it. Once I moved on, I actually moved on...there was no looking back.  This has at times made my colleagues feel that I am cold but over a period of time they have recognized that it is the best thing to do. I believe it also gets you to be professional too.

I remember that I had moved out of a role once and there was a period when the new leader took time to figure out and announce what she wanted to do. In the meanwhile, the team started getting jittery. One of them called me one day and said that others are jittery and they have started maneuvering in an attempt to please the new leader and figure out what is in her mind. I told the person that she is welcome to call me anytime but not on this topic. I told her that I have moved on and the new leader must be given a chance to succeed in her own right. The person who called was a bit upset at the beginning but after few weeks she called me and apologized. She said that she was very upset with my response but having thought about it, she felt that it was one of the most professional responses that she had ever received in her life. She felt that this was a new lesson in leadership that she had learnt. She summarized it well for me - "You are not the chair on which you sit. When you move on, give the next person the chance to take the organization to the next level from where you left it."

It is often these small things that everyone notices in leaders and learn. I know of a person who was the Managing Director of a company. He was one of the best leaders of those times in India. As he started getting closer to retirement, there was a lot of unease in him. I noticed that he was struggling to handle the fact that someday people who respected him for the position he held could possibly ignore him. The first few months after his retirement was an absolute struggle for him. If his ex-assistant did not pick the phone when he called, he thought that she was ignoring him. The last I met him was almost 10 years after his retirement. Even then, he would refer himself as the Ex-Managing Director of that company rather than just introducing himself by name. He could never come to terms with retirement. He could never see himself as an individual. He was always the MD or the Ex-MD of the company. The seat had got to him.  What I also noticed was that he would try and talk to people who had worked with him and were still there in the company to find out what was happening. He hardly had nice words to say on the new leaders. Over a period of time, he lost respect and people just avoided speaking to him.

I have always believed that our time will come. When it does, give it your best shot. Once it is done, just move on. Don't look back, except with really fond memories. Wish your successor the best in your heart of hearts....this will go a long way in helping you wean yourself away from that chair.

Smile, and the world smiles back at you

I am back to writing on that rare commodity called "SMILE"...I had written on this earlier but want to do so once again. Someone said, "Don't go for looks, they can deceive. Don't go for wealth, even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright." Another lovely saying from Phyllis Diller is, "A smile is a curve that sets everything straight."

In all the worries of the day, we forget to smile. It is a proven fact that if we smile, our health actually gets better. Just try out this experiment....when you are walking, look at strangers and smile at them. More than 90% of them will return the smile.  Many a time, I have started conversations with total strangers because I smiled first and that broke the ice.

There are some leadership aspects to smiling that I believe should be practiced. The first one is that when you smile, it sends out a signal that you are approachable. It also sends out a signal that you are friendly. This is helpful when you manage large teams. Your teams should know and feel that you are friendly and approachable. Otherwise, like many leaders, you will be alone at the top.

It is hard practice that will get you to keep your smile throughout the day. It is said that disciplined practice is what makes someone succeed. Practicing to smile consciously helps in building a discipline that is essential to succeed.

It also makes you aware of your surroundings as you try and notice people who are smiling.  Your attitude changes over a period of time and you see life in a totally different light. Every aspect of life seems to be worth living for.

I have also seen that it helps me focus. Smiling and getting in to the habit of smiling helps you focus hard on how you appear to the public and helps you to draw people closer to you.

Just imagine if you always looked like that picture of yours that you adore!!! That should be your face to the public and it is essential that as a leader everyone sees you with that huge smile. As I walked in to the department store, a counter salesperson gave me an amazing smile. I walked up to her and thanked her for lighting up my day. She was so thrilled because no one had every complimented her for her smile. That smile had lit up both our days.

A smile, therefore, goes a real long way in helping you. It lightens up your mood, it changes the mood of the person interacting with you, it improves your health, it changes your attitude towards life, it makes it hard for anyone dealing with you to actually get upset with you, it helps you focus and it actually  changes lives.

That's what a simple smile can do and it does not come at a cost at all!!! So, why should we be afraid to smile at each other?

Leading in tough times...

Many a time we are happy with our leaders. These are people who can present themselves and their ideas in a nice way. They come through as clear thinkers. They make you think. They are pleasant to deal with. In the corporate world, we find many leaders who are good people to work for till adversity hits. It is true that the toughest of times will bring out the best or the worst in leaders.

Many leaders let their image melt when adversity hits. Leaders are humans. Human beings tend to go in to their core during adversity and then their true character comes out. If a leader comes through as the same fantastic person during adversity, you have a great leader. Cling on to him/her as this is the person you need to work with.

I have seen few things work for me as a leader during very tough times:

1. Being in front of customers more often;
2. Trusting and depending on key people so that I could focus on what matters to the customer and business;
3. Focus on the immediate term and ensure you knock down all targets one after the other;
4. Get all hands on deck, including your own and meet more often with the relationship and sales teams;
5. Focus on high impact programs and ensure you deliver to them;
6. Take tough decisions;
7. Put more focus in to transformation and innovation;
8. Communicate more and extensively.

You will need to be a different leader during these difficult times. Each day will be different. The path  to success will have twists and turns. You will be forced to summon all your courage to be able to lead. At this time, it will be essential to never let your teams down. It will be very easy to blame someone else in your team if something does not work. It is best not to fall in to that trap.

It is also during these times that leaders slip. There is nothing wrong with slipping. Just get up, dust yourself and move on. If, as a leader, you let that become a huge fall, then, you will struggle to move on. Many leaders struggle to move on because we struggle to forgive ourselves when we slip up. Someone once said that when you fall you need to behave like a steed (that gets up and runs) and not like an elephant (that takes time to react).

Keeping a positive attitude during these times is also essential. It is not very easy to do this as most of the days you wake up to news that is not very good. So, how do you handle this? One thing that has worked for me is to see the opportunity in the difficulty facing me. Many years ago, I was faced with a situation that presented a huge financial loss to the division that I was managing. I also realized that this possible loss was because the company that we had given a loan to was not able to meet its working capital needs fully. We, in fact, saw that situation, sized up our losses and actually decided to invest more in to the company to tide through its working capital problems (could have resulted in greater losses). Within 3 months, we were out of the problem, no losses and our customer appreciating that we were bankers that helped when they most needed it.  A huge problem was converted in to an opportunity.

Patience is also another commodity that will be needed during these times. Else, we end up making mistakes and setting back the whole organization.  This commodity is typically in short supply and most leaders lose it when they actually need it most. Loss of patience is probably the biggest challenge that I have seen leaders face and this is because of stress. This stress increases if the company is listed as there are quarterly pressures.

As I sign off on this post, thought I will share few quotes that I came across with you:

1. The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking places - unknown
2. When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on – Franklin D. Roosevelt
3. Remember when you see a man at the top of a mountain, he didn’t fall there – Unknown

Life in Rewind or Fast Forward Mode

Many a time we would like to re-wind life and hope that something that happened did not. It could be that bad meeting that you had with a colleague of yours or an email that you shot off in frustration or a huge life changing event that has hit you. If only we could hit the rewind button, life would be so different.

 

At times we wonder why things are moving so slow in life. We are bored and want more action. Or it could be that elusive promotion at work. The action is missing and you wish that you could hit the fast forward button.

 

Ever thought of living in the present? The now and here? Somehow, we don't do this though that is what reality is. We need to learn to live in the present. What is now and here is real. All others have already happened or yet to happen. There is nothing much you can do about them. You don't control both. So, why focus on something that you don't control and just use the past as your learning points? Why don't we just grab the current moment that we are living in with both hands and make the best of it?

 

So, does this mean I am telling you not to plan for your future? No, not at all. Planning for the future is essential so that you de-risk it to some extent. But, believe me, you can do it only to some extent. So, give it all the importance and time that it needs. However, don't forget to live in the present. A great example would be to save for a child's education and planning for that. Another would be setting aside money for retirement, etc. All this needs you to work harder and put in those extra hours of effort. In pursuit of all this, will you then stop "living" with your family? Will you be so focused on the future that you forget that your family is right here next to you and wants your attention and time? This is what happens to most of us and then we complain about work-life balance. How work is so merciless that we need to sacrifice life for it. My dad said, "Work hard, plan well and play hard." I would see him come after a real tiring day at the factory and still have energy to play some cricket or ring-ball with us. He would spend time in the evening for a game of cards or carom.  He was with us in mind, body and spirit. How many of us can say honestly that we do this today?

 

We let our ambition, our need to excel and our worry of the tomorrow just steal the present away from us. It is necessary to be ambitious. It is essential to excel in whatever we do. Otherwise, there is no pride in the work that we do. It is necessary to plan for tomorrow. But, let it not take away the need to enjoy the moment today.

 

I am reminded of a dear friend of mine. She lost her husband in a split second to a massive heart attack. He was here now and she had told him that she would get him dinner as he was on the phone. By the time she came back in few minutes with dinner, he was dead. Over the last one year, I have seen her go through pain as she remembers all the good times that they had together. He is not there anymore to share her joys, her sadness, her anger, her pain. She just feels lonely. There were times that both of them fought on things. All those seem so trivial now. She told me that so many things that were really important to her have lost significance without her husband. She really wishes that she could hit the re-wind button so that she can find those times when they fought and convert them to moments when they could have lived happier. She wants to hit the re-wind button to savour for few more minutes the wonderful moments that she shared with her husband. She wants to hit the re-wind button so that she could live with him again.

 

Many a time, we do not appreciate what is with us. We live in the past or in the future and forget the present. When this dear friend of mine told me about her need to re-wind, I told her that while that is great, she needs to be really happy that she has a daughter, her dad, her sister and so many other friends and relatives who love her and will go that extra mile to help her. I told her that whilst what has happened is not easy to digest, life has to continue and she must move on. That if she loses sight of the people who are with her in the present, she will just die in the past. So, however tempted you may be to hit the re-wind or fast-forward button, think twice. Maybe, hit the pause button. Look around you. There is so much to love, enjoy and actually live for in the present moment.

Skillset Adaptability

I was listening to a song in Tamil (a South Indian Language) and remembered the movie in which the song is actually sung by the hero of the film. This movie was released in the 1970s and I didn't quite follow it or realize the depth of it then. It is about a set of people who are drama artistes. They would perform on stage and do musicals. They typically had stories or messages to convey through their plays.  These people became artistes by watching their parents/relatives/friends do the same thing. They were patronized by the kings initially and then by very rich landlords (or zamindars as they were called in India).  With an independent India in 1947 and the subsequent transformation of society, we saw the disappearance of these Zamindars and Kings.  This resulted in the patrons for these artistes disappearing all of a sudden and they lost their livelihoods. This movie is about one such very well known artiste who is struggling to keep his drama troupe in existence.  In that movie, he talks of how his art is dying and that he is not skilled to do anything else.

We are faced with the same situation in many parts of the world even today. With more and more administrative jobs and manufacturing jobs moving to lower cost locations, people in higher cost countries are being forced to  re-skill themselves. The skills that got them a job 15-20 years ago are no longer relevant in the high cost countries that they live in. Universities are struggling to keep pace to see if they can now create programs that are relevant for the new skill sets that are needed.  Similarly, in lower cost locations costs are increasing and businesses need to look to different locations now.  So, people in these locations are also struggling.  Add to this, disruptive technology.

What we need is a good view of how the world is changing and then acquiring skill sets that are needed to meet the changing world. This is easier said than done. Many a time, we are so troubled that we are not in a mood to acquire new skill sets. However, if we do not do this, we make ourselves vulnerable to the relentless globalization of this world and the change that societies bring upon themselves.  As Charles Darwin said, "It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change."

 

As I drove towards the city of Pontiac in the US, I was surprised to see the state of the roads. They were very poorly maintained. I heard that the State was declared bankrupt. There were many people living on pavements. The sight of the impact of globalization was disturbing. Someone told me that Labour Unions had negotiated minimum salaries of US$40,000 for the lowest paid in the factories of General Motors and Ford. They had, over the years, shifted their manufacturing to lower cost locations.  Unfortunate situation...anything taken to the extreme - whether it is capitalism or labour unionism, ends up causing distress.

 

Many years ago, the same situation prevailed in a city in South India called Coimbatore. Many cotton mills were shut down and following that many companies that manufactured machinery for such mills had to also cut back. People had to re-skill themselves to survive.

 

I met two very enterprising men in both Pontiac and Coimbatore. The person in Pontiac had been laid off from a factory. He was a senior official at the factory. He took the money, bought 4 vehicles and now runs a fantastic taxi service. He drove me to the airport and talked to me all the way. Told me what he had to face in life but took a brave call of doing something on his own with his other skill set. I heard a similar story in Coimbatore. This man was a mechanic in the factory and when he was laid off, he could buy a 3 wheeler (called an Auto rickshaw in India). He coaxed 3 others to buy auto rickshaws and together they now run an auto rickshaw on demand service. I heard this rickshaw man's story also on my way from the railway station where he picked me.

 

Both these are fantastic stories of men (who live half a way across the world from each other) but actually did similar things. They re-skilled themselves, did not lose heart and now run an absolutely professional transport service. They make an honest day's living and are able to support their families well. Their families had to undergo an adjustment to their life styles, but they live with their heads held high.

 

I have heard many such stories in various countries as brave people look to different ways to combat this relentless chase for maximizing profits by companies that results in them losing jobs. In combating this relentless change brought by disruptive technologies. In combating greed. The trick is not to lose heart but to continuously re-skill ourselves so that we can make a living. It is fine to lose a job. It is fine to adjust our life style based on our incomes. However, it is not fine to let change get the better of us. The need to keep refreshing ourselves, the need to understand that we are born with multiple skill sets and that we can use them to make a decent living at any point in time, are key to living in this ever changing world.  It is indeed the species that is able to adapt that will survive on this earth.

Trust

A little girl and her father were crossing a bridge. The father was kind of scared so he asked his little daughter: "Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don't fall into the river." The little girl said:"No, Dad. You hold my hand." "What's the difference?" Asked the puzzled father. "There's a big difference," replied the little girl. "If I hold your hand and something happens to me, chances are that I may let your hand go. But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens, you will never let my hand go."

 

This is a lovely story and tells us how trust can go a long way in a relationship. I like a quote from an Unknown Author who says that "Trust is letting go of needing to know all the details before you open your heart." People who can do this are really gifted because they are able to trust others very easily. However, what I have noticed with people who can do this is that they lose trust as soon as something goes wrong and it takes very long to build the trust again. Most of the times, the trust is lost for ever.

 

Many a time, we take a long time to build relationships and trust in those relationships. We struggle with the question whether or not we can trust the person.  As Ernest Hemingway said, “The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.”  I have always been struck by these pre-nuptial contracts that people sign up before they get married. This, in my opinion (and I can be completely wrong in this), shows absolute lack of trust. Marriage is probably the biggest commitment we make in life. If this commitment to a relationship starts with a lack of trust, then, I am not sure how we can make that relationship work. I understand that pre-nuptial contracts are like insurance policies. What beats me is that we decide to get married but before that we sign a contract as to how our wealth will be split, if we get divorced.

 

As in personal relationships, we need to nurture relationships at work too. These get built over time and becomes difficult if people live across countries and don't see each other regularly. Stephen Covey says in his book The Speed of Trust, "The one thing that changes everything is trust." Trust increases speed of doing business, cuts costs and improves profitability significantly. This is more so in large multinational corporations that cut across 100s of countries. These large corporations need a very high level of trust and collaboration (apart from controls, process and technologies) to succeed. In my experience, trust goes a long way at work. It breaks bureaucracy, brings lot of freedom in to work, gets better outcomes and helps corporations win in the market place.

 

Lastly, I do want to mention trust and faith that we place on professionals, especially doctors. When faced with life threatening situations, we put complete trust on the doctor. God comes in the form of this doctor. Our life depends on this doctor and we decide to do that. When I was chatting with a friend on this topic of trusting the doctor, he said, "This is like surrendering to God." When I heard this, I was reminded of a quote of Corrie ten Boom who said, “Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.”

 

Adversity - The God and the Devil

As I watched the unfolding of nature's fury in Uttarakhand in India with the flooding and the landslides that swept away homes and buried small villages under 9 to 10 feet of earth, I noticed that the incident brought the best and the worst in humans.  The stories that were telecast and printed in newspapers showed how humans behave and the contrast was so stark that it left me wondering how and why there are massive differences in human beings that live on this earth.

 

On the one side we saw the army, volunteers from across the country and donors from across the country helping out and doing everything they could to save 80,000+ people who were stranded in these areas.  I saw a photograph of army men who had formed a human bridge so that the stranded people could crawl or walk over them to reach to safety. I saw volunteers from local villages and townships go across to the areas and help people reach safer places. Saw the army helicopters evacuate these 80,000+ people despite some of the worst weather conditions. In fact, there was a copter crash and few of the army men died in this attempt. Saw thousands of people from across India donate generously towards the rescue effort.

 

As we heard such fantastic stories, we also heard some of the worst stories. A roti (piece of bread) being sold at Indian Rupees (INR) 300 as food stalls tried to make money out of this disaster. Some transporters asked for INR 60,000 to take people to safety. Few politicians toured the areas for photo opportunities (elections are nearing in India). Corruption ran high in the State Machinery as relief material, food and clothing did not reach the people suffering but ended up in the hands of middlemen who sold them.

 

An adversity brings out the best and the worst in mankind and this incident in Uttarakhand is no exception. I saw similar deeds take place in many countries across the world in the 2004 Tsunami in the Indian Ocean. This absolute contrast is what I call diversity.  It takes all of us to make this world. If we don't see and experience the worst, we will never appreciate the best. Each one of us is made up of this diversity - the absolutely good (that we call God) and the absolutely unimaginable (that we call the Devil). We don't need to search for God or the Devil - they both reside in us. How much of the Devil we are able to suppress and how much of the God we are able to bring forth decides how we behave in a given situation. That is probably why we see people react differently to a given situation and the difference in behavior could be significant. 

 

Such adversity sometimes crush the human spirit. But, they also bring out the resilience in us. According to life coach Eleanor Chin, writing in "Positive Psychology News," "Character strengths such as creativity, courage, kindness, persistence, optimism, gratitude, humor and spirituality are exactly the personal resources needed in times of adversity to solve problems or just to stay afloat." Maybe, this is the "God" inside each of us that we need to summon as we go through difficult times.

Wishes and Goals

I am basing this blog on 3 quotes that I have really liked. Antoine de Saint-Exupery said, "A goal without a plan is just a wish." Steve Maraboli said, “If you have a goal, write it down. If you do not write it down, you do not have a goal - you have a wish." Zig Ziglar said, “The great majority of people are “wandering generalities” rather than “meaningful specifics”. The fact is that you can't hit a target that you can't see. If you don't know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else. You have to have goals.” 

 

How many times have you said or heard others say, "I wish I could do that" or "I have always wanted to do that or be like that or..."  The difference between a "wish" and "goal" is the ability and the willingness to make it a reality. The courage of conviction and being steadfast in what you want done, converts our wishes to goals.  It should also be accompanied by a lot of discipline.

 

I notice that life changing events typically cause such wishes to become goals.  Many of us go around talking of why we need to lose weight and actually do very little about it other than putting down few more ice-creams every week. Till such time we get in to a health issue. Then, all of a sudden, things fall in place. Why does this happen? It is because we are faced with an adversity and in the face of adversity, the best comes out in us. The situation also pushes us in to a tight corner.  We begin to lose weight, feel fantastic, the health issue begins to fade and, lo and behold, we are back to our old ways. Why does this happen? In my opinion, absolute lack of discipline. We, of course, blame it on lousy work hours, travel, etc. However, we are not sure how we made it happen when it really had to be done.  It comes down to discipline.

 

A goal is a wish that can come true. A goal can have a plan, you can think through how to make it happen, you can put some timeline and it may take more or less time than you thought it would and finally, if you put in hard work, it may just come true.

 

What happens when a wish comes in another form?  These are opportunities. They come and they go. We have to recognize them and, if they are in line with our goals, we need to grab them with both our hands. I had written earlier that luck is opportunity meeting preparedness - the right person at the right time, at the right place, with the right attitude and the right level of preparedness.  A wish can become a goal when there is "luck".

 

As you will see, for a wish to become a goal, there is always lot of hard work necessary. Hard work does not happen by chance. It needs will power and this is what I would call discipline.  Without that discipline, it becomes impossible for a wish to turn in to a goal.  Or, in other words, action converts a wish in to a goal and needs a lot of hard work and discipline.

 

So, how do we bring about action and discipline. The first thing to do is to write down your wish - "I want to lose weight". Now, also put down the why..."I want to feel healthy", "I want to feel lively", "I want to be brisk", "I want to look and feel good", etc. Once you start writing it down and reading it daily, your sub-conscious mind takes it in. The minute it is in to your sub-conscious mind, it helps the conscious mind to focus on it and convert it in to action.  Have you observed women walking around in a shopping mall? You will notice that a mom seems to be interested and looking for children clothing, toys, etc. Others who are not moms are looking for accessories, new clothes, personal care items.  This is how the sub-conscious mind works.  So, you can train the sub-conscious mind to think the way you want and the best way to do that is to put things down in writing.  That is why Steve Maraboli would have said, "If you have a goal, write it down....."

 

Just by writing it down, can you turn all your wishes in to goals? Not really. You need to know what you can do and what you cannot. I am reminded of a mail I received from a friend of mine. She said, "I read this book in which this person meets the lady of his life after many years. He had thought this lady had died. I was imagining how happy he would have felt seeing her after so many years. How I wish my husband was alive."  By putting this wish down in writing, can she make this a goal and get her dead husband back?  As I know of it now, I don't believe so.  So, whilst you must write down your wishes to convert them to goals, you must also realize that they are attainable - some with lots of hard work and perseverance over many years.

 

I got a message on my mobile from a very old friend of mine. She wrote, "Ravi, I have achieved my goal of getting my son to pass 10th grade. His teachers and doctors never believed this could happen. I so badly wanted it to happen and, finally, after 3 years, it has become a reality." This was a son who is a slow child and was struggling his way through school. 3 years ago, she decided to go part time and spend half a day with her son so that she could get him to pass the 10th grade exams. She needed a full time job but decided that she will cut back on her expenses and do with a part time job so that she could focus on her son. His future was more important to her. He was then in 7th grade. After 3 years of some real hard work, perseverance and belief and faith that she could do it, she has finally achieved it. 3 years ago she told me, "How I wish I can get him to pass his 10th grade exams." Her wish has come true and this is because of action combined with discipline and hard work.

 

I responded to her, "For those who do not believe that God exists, this is a fantastic example of how He worked through you to make your son go through these exams and pass them. He is there in each one of us, but we do not recognize Him. He actually shows Himself in different ways. This time, he has chosen to reveal Himself through you."

Deciding on behalf of others

"Control your own destiny or someone else will", said Jack Welsh. Someone wrote that Karma (the word that stands for the law of cause and effect) is Negotiable. William Henley says, "I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul." We go about our lives believing that we decide for ourselves and do not let anyone take control of our lives. We also do not want to decide for others...it is such a pain to do that...and sometimes we have to do that...these guys for whom we have to sometimes decide for are losers...we just cannot believe that someone is letting us decide for them.

 

The day starts with a cup of tea - your spouse brought it for you. He/she had decided how much water and milk to put in to that cup of tea. You got ready to go to office and on your way grabbed the banana that was left on the table for you by your spouse. You made the choice of taking the banana because, honestly, there was no other choice. Between the pancake and the banana, the latter was a healthier choice.

 

As you reached the bus-stop, you said a quick hello to the few who travel with you in the same bus daily. Your day never started without them...of course, that was not your choice.  You got in to the bus and today, the bus is running 10 minutes late. You are upset but you have to choose the bus as it is economical. Wish you could take a taxi.  You are late, traffic has started building up and the bus driver suddenly decides to make up part of the lost time. He steps on the accelerator and the bus lunges forward. As the bus speeds on, you think that this fellow is driving dangerously. Gosh, but you are not in control of the bus. The bus speeds on and jumps a traffic light. The bus is stopped by a police officer for traffic violation and post all that you reach your destination - 20 minutes late. Today, you really wish that you were the bus driver. At least, you would not have over-sped and put the lives of so many people inside and outside the bus in danger. You would not have delayed the passengers further.

 

As you stepped out of the bus, God decided to take over. He sent a massive cloud above the city you live in and it started pouring. Before you knew it, you were drenched.  As you walked in to office soaked, your assistant gave you a towel to wipe yourself. Somehow, you have always wanted a white towel and she gives you the blue one.  As you wiped yourself dry, she brought you a nice, hot cup of tea. She always knew the exact ingredients and quantities to put in to make this lovely cup of tea.

 

As you sipped the hot cup of tea, you dialed in to the conference call for your first meeting of the day. These guys from all over the world had not agreed with your plan and you needed to take them through your plans and get them to agree with you. They called it "influencing skills" in your office. God, how you hated it. You just hoped you did not have to face all this bureaucracy.  Someone, sitting thousands of miles away, assumed he knew more about the markets you sell in. He had come up with such ridiculous sales policies.  There were so many things that you had to contend with before you could sell. Wish these so-called strategists and pricing experts just let you do your work in peace. And guess what...they tell you that you are aggressive and want to sell at all costs without taking in to account the company policies. That you should not decide on their behalf. You just don't believe it...you always thought that they were trying to decide on your behalf.

 

The day went on with such meetings...you trying to influence others and everyone else trying to influence you.  You felt everyone else in office was deciding on your behalf and many felt that you were deciding on theirs.

 

As you entered home, took a shower and sat down in front of the TV, you decided to watch football. Whilst you decided on watching football, you did that because this Cable TV provider had only 30 channels.  So, your choice was only from within these 30 channels.

 

As you sat down for dinner with your spouse, you reflected on the day that went by. In most of the situations, starting from how much water in your tea, to the speed of the bus, to the traffic violation, to the colour of the towel, to the policies in office, you had limited to no choice. Everyone else seemed to be making a decision on your behalf. And yet, we go through life wanting to be the master of our destinies. 

 

Actually, we seem to be doing a better job controlling others' destinies. I was reminded of various wars where few of us decide on behalf of the majority. These few decide on when and how to fight these wars, when and how we start these wars and when and how we use international mechanisms to send our own peace keeping forces after having started or participated from behind the scenes in these wars. We seem to be having at least 1 war going on somewhere in the world at any point in time. Did all these people impacted by these wars want the war? What if you are impacted by one of these wars directly? Are you fine with someone deciding on a war that impacts you and your family?

 

We believe that this is our life. That we need to manage our destinies. That we need to manage our careers. However, when you reflect on what happens around you in life, you will notice that there is very little in your destiny that you control. However, there is so much that you decide on behalf of others. This is the fact of our lives. We seem to decide on behalf of each other.

Luck

Jack Welsh writes in his book "Straight from the Gut" that one of the key reasons he got the top job at GE was because he was at the right place and at the right time and, therefore, got noticed.  He is being modest.  Louis Pasteur said, "Chance favours the prepared mind."  Seneca says, "Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity."

I was reflecting on my career and thought I will share some examples of the luck that I have had. Whilst working in the Business Finance function in an IT company, I wanted to be in Sales. I had this fascination for customer, for generating revenue, for being in the thick of action.  However, at that time, I was told that I cannot sell IT products because I did not have the right educational background. It was then that I started thinking and asked my self as to what I can sell given that I was a professionally qualified accountant. The answer that kept coming back to me was financial services and in those days, it was predominantly, banking. So, I told this to the Treasurer of the IT company that I was working for.  Few months later, a situation arose. The Treasurer had referred another person to a leading foreign bank in India for a job. His name was also Ravi. An interview had been arranged and that other Ravi did not turn up for the interview. So, the banker called the Treasurer and asked him as to why Ravi had not come for the interview. The Treasurer looks at me (read as right place - right time) while talking to the banker on the phone - and it struck him that I had similar interests and immediately to save face tells the banker that he had held up "Ravi" at office with some work and will send him immediately for the interview. He called me and asked me to attend the interview. I went ahead and did that and that's how I got a job in banking. Yes, I was at the right place at the right time...but, I was fully prepared because I had clarified in my mind that this is what I wanted to do. I had done research on the types of jobs. I had found out what these jobs entailed and when I attended the interview, I was fully prepared.

There have been other instances in my career but something that happened very recently was when the job of my erstwhile manager came up.  Initially, I was wondering if I was suitable for the role.  However, I realized that I was managing a large part of the organization, had done back office roles in the past, had run a profit centre (even though this job was to manage a cost centre) and knew what it was to handle tough customers. So, I agreed to attend the interview for the position.  Despite the fact that I had been doing a role at the next lower level for years, I refused to the take this opportunity for granted.  I knew I had prepare my self physically, mentally and also bring in the right energies within myself . It started from writing up my resume, to talking to many people who had done different roles at the higher level so that I could understand what could go wrong at that level and also to role-play various scenarios with my family and friends.  I also actively sought help with a retired person who had initially set up the role in the company and discussed various choice points he had when he managed the job and checked as to why he had made some choices.  I had spoken to over 20 people. This gave me much more clarity on the role and made me increasingly confident that I could do the role, though it would take time to get used to it.  The preparedness gave me the confidence.  Confidence also came because I started realizing that to do this complex job effectively, one needed the right attitude.  At no point in time I under-estimated the asks of the job.  That helped me build the right attitude towards the role and also understand the risks of taking on the role. I also understood the risks for the person giving me the job and so decided to articulate that with action plans on how to mitigate those risks (in terms of what I would do and by when).  I prepared myself physically and mentally for the role initially. Then, I started looking at the job from its asks of me with regard to attitude.  I had to harness a positive energy. So, I started aligning the body, the mind and the energies. Within 6 weeks, I could feel the difference in me.  When I walked out of the interview (it was a telephonic one and, therefore, much more difficult to understand the body language of the other person), I knew I had given it my best shot.  I got the role and I knew that lot of work had gone in to it despite being at the right time and at the right place.  What Seneca and Louis Pasteur said came to my mind.  It was preparedness meeting opportunity.

Yes, luck is about being at the right time and at the right place but there is something more to it. You have to be prepared and grab it with both your hands. You must have the right attitude for it...so, to me, luck is the prepared person at the right time at the right place with the right attitude.

Office Politics

I will try and build this blog on two quotes of Plato - the first one is “One of the penalties of refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.”   The second one is - “good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.”  

 

Winston Churchill said,  "If you put two economists in a room, you get two opinions, unless one of them is Lord Keynes, in which case you get three opinions."  The same holds good in any office. Where you have more than one person, there will be multiple opinions. Given so many opinions, there is bound to be a push and pull for influencing the organization on the opinions. This will result in what we call office politics - who has a better say on matters in the organization and how do you influence the organization to think along the lines that you do.  I would call it, for want of a better term, healthy politics. There is also politics that we play to gain advantage within an organization that is at the cost of others. This, I will call unhealthy politics.

 

Whoever you speak to will tell you that they are bad at office politics and that they cannot play it. This is because we all have a bad connotation to the term office politics. I am also someone who has said that I am bad at politics. However, looking back at my career, I can say that I have worked hard to influence people on my opinions and what I believe have believed to be appropriate for the organization at that point in time. I have had my way many times and have not been successful many times.  So, anyone who says that he/she is not good at politics could be someone who is not able to influence the organization along the lines of his/her thoughts.

 

To me, office politics is a way of life in an organization. We will indulge in some form of politics daily. Given that situation, it would be good to involve ourselves in the healthy form. There is a very thin line between what we term as healthy and unhealthy. So, what is really needed is a method where we can govern ourselves.  What I mean by self-governance is where we debate and have difference of opinions based on issues and not on personalities, where we are not part of the rumour mill, where we work with a very high level of integrity, where we are a role model for our teams and where we always put the organization above the self.  Such a form of self governance helps in reducing the impact of unhealthy politics and actually converts all unhealthy politics in to healthy politics.

 

So, why is there a poor connotation attached to office politics? We have always used the term office politics to convey something unethical is being done when we have not had our way. Over time, politics has come to mean something that is not healthy to practice within organizations. And can you avoid it? The answer is no...so, it seems that everyone working in an office plays politics (and we believe that more often than not it is the unhealthy kind) but no one is willing to accept it. Each one of us thinks "Everyone else, except me is in to politics."

 

I have also fallen in to the trap of thinking so. However, on reflection, I believe that we can segregate politics and by using self-governance, can actually play healthy politics and in a proper fashion and actually be proud of it.

 

So, how do you play healthy politics? I would say that you need to understand influencers within an organization, build informal networks, collaborate across boundaries, make use of opportunities to showcase the good work that you have done, plan for what can go wrong, remain positive and spread positive thoughts, take a stance based on issues and not on personalities, voice your opinion in a way that does not hurt people but be fearless in voicing your opinion and be a role model for your team.  It would also be useful to make your boss successful. After all, that is what demonstrates your trust in him/her and also that you are aligned.

 

So, the next time there is a conversation on office politics, please do not hesitate to say that you do play office politics. It is only the "how" that matters. As Plato said, do participate in politics and also be that person who does not need laws to tell you to act responsibly. Such an approach will create a tremendous positive attitude and atmosphere in the teams that you manage.

Resilience

There are many things that are similar. But, not many things are the same. Our fingers are different, the people we meet are different, the situations that we encounter are different. All of us know that each day of ours is not the same. Then, why do we expect our performance to be the same year after year?

Every day is new for us and completely different from the earlier one. We go through the day and, at times, come out well. Other days are just really long days and we struggle through them. This will be the same with regard to our performance too. Some years will be good and some will not be. That does not mean that we have become low performers. We need to just go through the lean times and bounce back. As I said earlier in another blog of mine, it does not matter how many times you fall. What matters is how fast do you get back on to your feet, dust yourself off and move on.  In the journey of our career which could be 40 years, there will be significant ups and downs. We need to manage that. And to do that, what we really need is resilience.

Many years ago, my friend and I were talking when the company we worked for got a new CEO. He told me as to how many CEOs had come and gone and the company still survived. It had been a bit difficult to change the original culture of the company though things had changed.  Though he did not say it, I could hear him say, "The CEO is dead...long live the CEO!!!"  Yes, he had seen many changes at the top and had survived and had worked for few of them. I then asked him as to what was it that he had that made him survive so many leaders, their likes and dislikes, the changes in direction the company had to take because of each of them, the confusion within the company ranks, etc. He smiled and said, "Resilience, my friend".  You need enough energy to see this one through and get to the next one!!!

I found that very funny and annoying too.  Why do I need to stick around if I get a lousy boss or a boss who does not see eye to eye with me? I can just find another job within the company or outside of it and move on. Again, he smiled and told me that sticking around and managing when things are changing constantly is one of the most difficult things to do. He said if there is so much uncertainty all around, things can be difficult and frustrating. However, he had learnt to live through those. It was because he loved the company very much. He liked coming in to office everyday. He wanted to stand by his team because circumstances were difficult. And, most importantly, he knew that harsh winters give way to a lovely spring and a beautiful summer.  Just like we change clothes to meet the seasons so that we feel comfortable, we need to change some of our mental clothes.  This, he called, resilience.

 

As weather patterns change, we need to survive. We wear thicker or thinner or more or less clothes, switch on an air-conditioner or a room heater, wear a cap, carry an umbrella...we do so many things to physically protect ourselves. What do we do to survive change within organizations? We don't seem to change to mentally protect ourselves. We continue to behave the same despite changing circumstances. So, how do we develop this approach to change based on the changing requirements?  You could turn around and ask me - is survival the end game or the only game you need to play? Don't you want to stand up and call out poor management as and when that happens? Don't you want to fight the system if you feel only wrongs are getting done?  Yes, while all this is necessary, it is essential to survive to be able to do these effectively. And for that, we need to be flexible and show some resilience. 

 

Our ability to weather the storm (as they would call it) is built through character, personal courage, the passion for work, the love for the organization and the care for our colleagues.  All these put together create a mental toughness in us. It comes with training and some in-born tenacity.  It does not allow us to give up...there is always a larger cause that we see that is more important than the situation in hand. The larger cause could be the passion, the love, the care and these are supported by the character that we build in ourselves.  I call this resilience.

 

I am sure each of you has your own definition of resilience. What ever it is, I believe that it is essential to be resilient to make things happen in organizations.  Go ahead...build that resilience and be the change.

Alignment

I was reflecting on a situation that I faced years ago where I had one of my team members vehemently disagreeing with me on an approach. After hearing him out for sometime, I got tired and told him to just do what I had said I wanted done. He went away very unhappy.  As I reflected, I asked myself as what would I have done today if I met with the same situation.  Over the years since I was faced with the situation mentioned above, I have had many who have not agreed on an approach suggested by me. This could be because they did not see the situation from my vantage point, they had a different view given customer compulsions, they were not privy to all information and many other reasons.  If I am unable to get past the disagreement, I tell them that I am not looking for agreement but alignment.

 

I have myself disagreed with the approach taken by my managers (read bosses) at times and I express my difference of opinion. However, if I cannot get my boss around to think like me, I align because what the organization needs is alignment.

 

So, how can you align if you do not agree to what is being told to you? This is a really difficult question.  In such situations, it is necessary to view this from your boss's shoes. If you are convinced with the his/her points of view, then you agree. If you don't then you need to ask the question as to what is he/she not telling you.  If there are indeed things that he/she is not telling you, then, you need to trust your boss and move on. If there is nothing, then, there is a clear disagreement and you need to figure out your course of action.  If the disagreement is fundamental to your core principles, it is best to let your boss know that there is conflict and he/she will know that you will move on out of this job because living with such conflicts become difficult.  However, if there is no such fundamental disagreement, then, let trust play out. I have always seen that if you trust and align, your boss feels increasingly obliged to tell you more and more of all situations while seeking alignment.

 

The science of yoga asks for alignment of the body, the mind and the energy. It really does not ask for agreement. This is primarily because "you" are not the body, the mind or the energy. You are different from each of these and you will have to ensure that this alignment happens. Many a time you struggle to get agreement - while you want to bend forward, the body is not in a shape to do that. So, the body is not aligned to your needs and, therefore, does not agree to your request. However, the body is making a request to you - "Can you please get me fit enough to get aligned to your needs." If "you" really want to be the master, you need to get the body, the mind and the energy to align because you control them.

 

If you are a good manager (read boss), you will get your team to align by first preparing them for the need and then requesting their agreement and alignment. When your teams are prepared (like the body or the mind), they are in a better position to agree and align.

 

Of course, despite all the preparation, you will find those situations where someone does not agree with your assessment. This is more so when you have larger teams. This is why communication across layers and larger teams are difficult and need more time spent on intent of thought than just the "what" that needs to be communicated.  It is important to communicate the "what" and the "why" and not just the "what".  If we do that and leave the "how" to our teams, we find better agreement and alignment.  Many a time, we do not do this because we are in a hurry. Most leaders don't look for agreement...what is essential for them is alignment.  Most good leaders will vary their approach...when the situation is not one of fixing a huge problem, it is agreement and alignment. When the situation is break-fix and somewhat of a "all hands on deck" situation, then, it is alignment and not necessarily agreement. As I always say, there is no right or wrong...it depends on the situation and that too at that point in time for that individual.

Climbing Mount Everest

She looked nervous and uncertain as she walked out of the interview room.  I turned around to talk to the Head of Human Resources (HR) when she suddenly re-entered the room and said, "Sir, I really need this job."  This was a lady who was trying to get a hold on her life. She had been abandoned by her husband a month after their wedding. She had waited for his return for 3 years, had been asked by her family not to come back to their home as she had chosen to marry against their wishes and was now going through divorce. The 3 years had shattered her confidence beyond belief.  She got up one day and decided that she needed to get back to "living". And for this, she needed a job.  She started searching for a job and that was when she came in for an interview.  This was someone trying to conquer a huge mountain in her mind. It was equivalent of climbing the tallest peak in the world - Mount Everest - probably, even higher.  The HR Head and I decided to give her a helping hand.

All of us have heard of or seen people who have faced significant odds in their lives to come through stronger.  We all may have even gone through such odds ourselves.  Every time we are faced with a difficult situation that seems impossible at that time, we need to remember that the impossibility or the huge mountain that we see in front of us is only in our mind's eye.  If we decide to remain positive and confident, the size of the mountain reduces gradually and we realize that there is flat land in front of us.

One of the biggest mountains that all of us faced as a child was deciding to walk. Each of us fell down so many times - we cried, we laughed...but, every time, we got up, dusted ourselves and tried walking again.  The same thing happened when we tried to learn talking. These were huge mountains for each of us, but we managed to climb them.  If we could do these when we were less than 3 years, why do we suddenly lose hope and confidence when we are much older and probably better equipped?

 

As we progress as a society and create more opportunities for ourselves, we need to focus on building mental resilience.  Mental resilience, as I see it, is nothing but the character that we build for ourselves. Character is again nothing but our personal values, our strengths, the skills that we have developed and the resources that we can pull out of our armoury apart from personal courage.  I bring up character because someone who nurtures this will have a strong sense of purpose, integrity, confidence and belief.  Taking accountability comes naturally to them. This also means that they will live down their mistakes and move on in lives - getting up quickly, dusting yourself and running after every fall.  This character building is essential for leaders.

 

Many studies have been done on societies that live under stress and what has helped them in coping with this stress.  A study done in Israel on how the society has coped with stress over the so many years of war and terrorism shows certain patterns - a feeling of personal security, social support and optimism reinforces resilience against symptoms of traumatic stress. Other research found that religious faith, ideology and strong social bonds also helped in building resilience.  So, while we focus and build on character, it is essential to live with strong social bonds.

 

As we have heard many say - It does not matter how many times you fall...what matters is how many times you stand up, shake it off and move forward. Also, what matters is how quickly are you willing to get up and run. When we do this, we realize that many a time we are faced with climbing Mount Everest, but always, it is our mind that decides whether we will conquer it or not.

Investing

Savings is one of the best habits. I have noticed that societies that save are more resilient to changes in the economic environment than societies that don't save or have lower savings rates. So, what do you do when you end up saving. We try and put it away as investments. These investments yield a return and that adds to wealth.

So, investments are essentially resources that we use today that will increase our future income.  It has been said time and again by economists that human potential is probably not something that we have invested in.  We invest extra money that we have in to deposits that yield us interest or in to gold or land that yield future returns. However, we think twice before investing in to human potential. So, what is investing in human potential? Can we increase the effectiveness of people around us by investing in them or can we get each one of us to invest in ourselves to improve our potential?

We need to start investing in ourselves first.  Our individual careers is a huge investment that we can make. Our career generates our future income flows. It satisfies our needs - be those mental, physical, spiritual, etc. Why then do we shy away from investing in to this career? We see this as an expenditure when it comes to ourselves but are willing to do that for our children.

I was reading the interview of an actor who talked of what he had done to set up a gym, a swimming pool, a dancing room, a studio where he could practice acting and managed his diet extremely well. He said that few years ago he would put down food and drinks without too much of thought. But, now, he realizes that unless he stays extremely fit and good looking, no one is going to hire him to do films. So, he has started investing in his career.  This is a powerful way of looking at life.  In India, the career span of an actor could range from 2 years to 30 years depending on various factors. Apart from capability to act, there are other factors like how does he/she emote, dance, etc. The physical aspect in terms of looks is absolutely important. So, this actor is really investing in his career by doing what he has done.

So, what should we do to invest in our careers?  Many of us look towards studying in our jobs. Many attend training programs. We also look towards other on-the job learning tools. One of the best ways to manage our careers, especially if we are working in corporates, is to rotate jobs. Job rotation is absolutely essential if we need to get a broader aspect of our job. People rotate across companies, across various jobs in the same company, across geographies, etc. Every rotation is a huge learning experience.  In my career, I have rotated across few companies and have done various roles ranging from audit, accounting, business finance support, sales and marketing, product development, account management, operations, business start up, business divestitures, consulting, training, risk management, etc.  I have done various roles across different geographies, managed multicultural teams, managed teams across geographies and also worked for managers from India, UK, Ireland, Australia, US, Germany, China, Bahrain and Oman. I was counting the number of managers that I have worked for - it came up to 31.  The industries that I have had exposure to include Manufacturing, Audit, Banking, NGOs, Trading, Brokerage, Pharmaceutical, Oil Refining, Granite Mining, Technology, Telecom, Agriculture, Food & Beverages, Shared Services....and there are few more I am sure.  If I look back, it has been a long and arduous path and the exposure to all these is what has got me to where I am today.

One of the most important aspects of any career is being physically fit.  As they say, "A healthy body carries a healthy mind".  It is absolutely essential to be physically fit to be able to do a job well.  Many of us ignore this aspect till it hits back at us and we realize that health is wealth.  If we are not physically fit, it becomes difficult to do a job properly even if that job is sedentary in nature i.e. a desk bound job.  We are not sharp, we find it difficult to concentrate and we are unable to focus on the job or a problem at hand for an extended period of time.  So, while we invest in our careers, it is also important to invest in our health and physical well-being.  To a large extent, our careers will be tied in to physical fitness.

 

Let us begin 2013 by focussing and investing in our career and physical fitness. I wish all readers a wonderful 2013 that is filled with hope, faith, happiness, good health and prosperity.